Ayatollah Hermione

Looking good, this. Sissoko right, Ritchie left, Gouffran and Diame up top or something mental like that.

And he's a raging Tory

Here's my prediction: Sissoko plays. Possibly at gun point

If a player is always injured, he doesn't count as cover

When's the last time he was fit? And how many good games did he have before that? 1?

Or just keeping Gouffran until then.

Well, I imagine we'll wait until he's fit to play him, like

You used to get excited about a left winger who now plays for Millwall

We're in Division 2. If our keeper has two hands, I'm pleasantly surprised.

I think script writers can come up with something more imaginative than winning a penalty shoot out. The movie 'In Time' for example

Fancy Southampton to struggle a bit this year from what I've seen so far. Well, unless they get a replacement for Pelle; Austin always seems knackered and clearly isn't as good anyway. There was times last night where there was a clear target man sized gap in their attack where Redmond was finding space and putting decent balls in that Pelle would have loved.

I'd take a point here, considering we still have Mitrovic to return and (hopefully) some new players coming in. I think the scoreline on Monday will have given them a bit of a lift like so it might carry us through to something here but I'd be happy with Gayle getting another one and a point, considering we haven't won away from home since Spurs last season.

I know. If you hate everyone else, it's not them that's the problem

Luckily for us, we're in a bog standard league

Hayden, the Shelv Dog, Colback, Diame looks alright to me. Knowing Tiote, he'll not get sold, resurface in November and then disappear until April like usual

So, you're to tell me that, at no point in his time unemployed or time in Spain, did David Moyes spot a decent player and think "I'll remember him, he'll be solid" and enquire when at Sunderland? Instead, it's just all players he's had before; Januzaj might actually be half decent but those two young kids from Man Utd and Pienaar? How unimaginative

PSV are one of those teams who get Champions League football by default, they don't count

Stats are for nerds. If Mitrovic scored half the sitters he missed, he'd have scored about 14. Reflect that.

Back end of last season, he showed good strength, solid reading of the game that negates a lack of pace, a comfort on the ball and the desire, commitment and bottle to dig in and drive others on. He doesn't need to be a top centre half to improve on what we've had, just a good one.

Dave having to resort to stats in an argument where the answer is "Paul Dummett was the only left back at the club last season. Haidara doesn't count because he's a complete fucking donkey" Come on, Fish, get a grip

Lascelles and Mbemba have a full season (barring injury, suspensions and rests) to build up a partnership. I've no doubt that Lascelles will grow as the season progresses.

"NYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOM, YE DAFTIE"

BMX riding ffs. Might as well send a load of charvers and just play police sirens in the distance as they're going around

Sure it won't stop you