Gemmill

I did. Can you honestly say you enjoyed your plate of boiled oats?

Aussies humped 3-0 by New Zealand now.

There you go, Parkinson.

If I was a lass I would have been insulted by Bridget Jones. "Oh look, I'm single. That means I have to be shit at my job during the day and get drunk in the house on a night."

The Tribe has spoken. Bacon it is. Back soon!

Ok, the set up for this one is what made it funny when my mate told me. He reckons he was at a fairly posh dinner in polite company, and there were a few people at the table who were new to the group. So everyone's telling polite, inoffensive jokes that aren't funny but are basically just ice-breakers, when one of the lads, in his infinite wisdom comes out with. "What do you call the black Flintstones?" *a nervous silence descends on the table* "Niggers."

Riders on the Metro.

That was class. Him and The Amazing Mute on the SMB are two of the best message board creations ever. The Amazing Mute appearing in the middle of perfectly sensible discussions and posting "Mmmf fmmmmf ffffumf mmmmmmffffffuf"

Says Captain Abstinence!

Hmmm, that sounds nice. Onions are an option, as are tomatos, and they have sachets of mustard too.

Nice one.

No double doors at our canteen, so I'd have to go on your behalf, Tiny Tim.

You have 20 minutes to decide my sandwich fate.

Poor lass. Did whoever glassed her get done?

Whilst lying on the sofa audibly groaning and declaring that you're dying every 2 minutes? You don't know sickness until you've had a Robinson hangover tbh. That is real suffering. If Bob Geldof saw me in that state, he'd put a concert on.

Aye I just can't be doing with writing off a day of the weekend really.

Worst co-commentator in the history of football. All he does is describe exactly what we can all see with our own eyes, offering no insight whatsoever. A replay shows a player going past two players and sidefooting it into the net. "He goes past one....goes past the other....and sidefoots it into the net." A replay shows a player going over the top of the ball, two-footed into the calf of another player. "You can clearly see he's come over the top of the ball, it's two-footed and his studs have gone straight into the lad's calf." A replay shows a winger skinning a full back but running the ball out of play for a goal kick. "He's got past his man but he's knocked it too far and it's gone out of play for a goal kick." Wow. That's why they pay Trev the big $$$.

Were you? Why for?

I can assure you that if Alan Shearer was 6 weeks away from the possibility of a Premiership or a European Cup at Manchester United, NUFC would be the very last thing on his mind. It's 6 weeks man. He doesn't not get to play for them if he extends his loan period. Pretty baffling if you ask me.

I haven't been drunk in ages, and I don't miss it at all tbh. I especially don't miss the hangovers.

Is 2Twats a charva then? He seems to get all of his clothes from JD Sports.

You hungover, Renticus?

I like Chris Eubank actually. Good boxer, proper showman, and no concept whatsoever of how big a tit he looks.

And God said, "Let there be pancakes." And there were pancakes.

Aye, there might be that I suppose. Irrelevant to this discussion, but I wonder if he regrets how long he stayed at Celtic now that he knows how well he can play in both Spain and the Premiership on the verge of retirement.