The Fish

So you call it St James?? Like Saynt Jayms Snt Jaymzuz for me

This misplaced anger is ok PL, I know it's not me you're upset with. It's change. When all the markers you've used to navigate this confusing modern world change or disappear, you must feel lost. Progress is hard for some people, I guess.

It also mentioned sumif as if that's knowledge only Prometheus could gift.

Read this earlier, it's not wrong. Defining players by position is Low-T beta cuck behaviour.

Well I don't know about you, but I totally believe that happened exactly as described.

Shocker

What ever I say, but with a continental flair.

She's also got an invisible plane because comics.

So you're saying we're going to rescue De Jong from Barcelona?

It was Superstition by Stevie Wonder

Not really a striker, more a wide forward. Only had 12 90mins. Really raw, but bags of potential. Him+ Paqueta would be improvements on Almiron and Willock/Longstaff. Or different options at the very least.

I don't believe anything these days. Nothing. My son said he liked the song we had on in the car this morning, but there was something in his voice that made me think "This kid is a fucking liar"

Echo what everyone else is saying Renton, you should be really proud of your honesty. Honesty to strangers on the internet, with family and professionals, but especially with yourself. You see there's a problem, you see the steps you need to take to address it and you see it's within your power to do it. That's very brave and that shouldn't be dismissed or downplayed. It's not the same, but I'm open about my depression and anxiety issues, if nothing else it means people don't make light of those issues around me. I guess if people know about your alcoholism they're less likely to pressure you into having one, or make light of the subject around you? It's also better understood now, and there's less of a stigma around it because of that understanding. It might seem odd, but I think your tone has changed on here since telling us, I might be wrong but I now see hope in the words you put on the screen. I see someone who sees a way out of the hole and is going to reach for it. There's a reason everyone on here is offering support and whatnot, you're a good bloke who's been through the fucking ringer and you've earned a bit of help.

Any time you mention 'crack' I'm reminded of how you're never happier than when you're nose deep in a soiled gusset.

Ok, we need someone dangerous in the 16.4592 metre box. Or someone who can ping in a 22.86 metre-er

Who do you fancy will replace us on there?

Lingard carried it 137yds? Did he walk it to their coach or something?

He's a left winger who can play on the right. I compared him to ASM and Almiron because they're two very different types of wide player and we're all pretty familiar with them. I'm talking percentiles here, not actual figures. e.g. Almiron is in the 99th percentile for tackles, Gordon 96th, and ASM is in the 1st. Gordon is comparable to Almiron for defensive actions (tackles 96-99, pressures 92-95, interceptions 81-80 etc.), only really leaving him behind for blocks 98-44 When it comes to the midfield actions Progressive carries AG-32, MA 11, ASM 87. Dribble completed AG 61, MA 19, ASM 99 , Passes attempted AG 21, MA14, ASM 7 Progressive passes AG 19, MA 14, ASM 14 Pass Completed AG 11, MA 78, ASM 27 Touches (Att Pen) AG 36, MA 40, ASM 57 At the business end of the pitch, he has significantly less assists and goals than ASM (both actual and expected) Non-penalty goals AG 30, MA 8, ASM 32 Non-penalty xG AG 14, MA 8, ASM 37 Total Shots AG 30, MA 26, ASM 53 Shot creating actions AG 32, MA 21, ASM 69 Assists AG 13, MA 2, ASM 43 npxG+A AG16, MA 1, ASM, 39 Statistic AG% ASM% MA% Non-Penalty Goals 30 32 8 npxG 14 37 8 Shots Total 30 53 26 Assists 13 43 2 xA 26 56 3 npxG+xA 16 39 1 Shot-Creating Actions 32 69 21 Passes Attempted 21 7 14 Pass Completion % 11 27 78 Progressive Passes 19 14 14 Progressive Carries 32 87 11 Dribbles Completed 61 99 19 Touches (Att Pen) 36 57 40 Progressive Passes Rec 8 19 9 Pressures 95 1 92 Tackles 96 1 99 Interceptions 81 22 80 Blocks 98 5 44 Clearances 36 4 69 Aerials won 54 42 10 He doesn't blow my skirt up but he might be an improvement on Almiron? I guess.

fwiw I think we'll be after someone that is closer in terms of style to Mane or Salah, than an out and out winger or striker. There were so many opportunities for cut backs from both ASM and Almiron that a better version of them to cut back, or receive at the far post, would have seen us score 4-5.

Also a solid defence will surely mean we see more from Almiron, ASM, Bruno, Joelinton and Willock as attacking threats. Plus the 1-2 attacking players I'm sure we'll bring in before the window closes.

I know I'll get pelters for this but, every time I play Football Manager, the very first area I strengthen is defence. Sort that out and you're laughing. We've spent £122m on the defence across 2 windows. We've still got money to spend elsewhere and as I've said before, if the right player becomes available at a 'reasonable' price, I'm sure we'll use the fact we've got that wriggle room to take advantage of the opportunity. All the talk from the club is that we're not done, so I'm confident that not only will we sign 1-2 atackers, but they'll be improvements on what we've got.

Him staying. They won't improve the squad properly while he's there.

You are most welcome. Did you write something about Man Utd? It mustn't have either grabbed or held my attention. You should apologise now.

PpDA is Passes per Defensive Action. In other words, how many passes does Team A allow Team B to play before tackling, pressuring, fouling or otherwise. First game of last season was at home to West Ham. We let West Ham knock the ball around 25 times before we applied pressure. First game of this season was at home to Forest. We let Forest play 6 passes on average, before applying pressure. Even when you compare Eddie's 30th game with Bruce's (Sheff Utd in 2020). We let 10 man Sheff Utd play on average 28 passes before putting them under any kind of pressure. Penultimate game of last season, against CL chasing Arsenal, it was 7. The high, relentless press is proof to me that a) Howe knows his onions, b) the players are on board and c) we're not going to go off and sign some mercenary because they're not going to work hard enough.