Neville Neville Neville

Justice? You concede 4 goals to Norwich by going into the season without a left back, and hoping that your only 2 proven above average defenders both maintain their form, remain injury-free and manage to drag whoever else is in the backline to a passable performance. Injuries happen, and this isn't even a crisis by newcastle's previous standards.But I do apologise to Ashley

I like Mike Ashley. Whenever there is a newcastle game on, I go out for several lemonades with him in front of the computer (which i take out as well obviously, and no its not a laptop its a fully sized inconvenient early 1990s destop PC), give him a twenty for each round, let him get the drinks and keep the change, then everytime he goes to the toilet I go round the entire pub apologising for him and also also demanding apologies for him from everyone as I'm not exactly sure what an Ashley apologist does. If there is time I repeat the same thing with as many other Ashleys that I can think of, which are mainly Ashley from coronation street, Ashley Olsen, and Ashton Kutcher because it sort of sounds like that. If Mike Ashley has decided to go to the game, I repeat the same process with a picture of mike ashley's face stuck onto my desktop pc monitor and drop an envelope labelled 'Super Mike Ashley - I apologise both to and for you both to and from everyone' which contains the money I would have given him at sports direct on the way back from the pub. So that's one for the ashley apologists who don't go to the game (maybe 2, as I've been carefully analysing LM's posts and think he may be subtly alluding to toonpack being an 'ashley apologist' but I'm not yet ready to commit fully to that inference)

Titus at it again. He just can't keep it in his pants and stop dealing out the pain.....

Mate, you'd save yourself a fortune in flights/tickets if you just bought the DVD.

Guys+gals, I think we're all being hasty here to condemn Ashley and his sportsdirect advertising. Was that not one of the best home performances we've put in in years. We've lost 5 on the spin to Blackburn at St James' but yesterday, as soon as they could see the imposing SD logos everywhere, their confidence immediately evaporated and they were lambs to the slaughter. Look at the huge transformation between yesterday and the Fulham game... what was the main difference, yes, sportsdirect. Its as if they think, 'wow, if they're willing to do that to their own stadium, what are they going to do to us?' Rather than pillorying ashley for increasing the association with sportsdirect, we should be imploring, nay, begging him to invest the whole of the 'carroll' money into more and more SD logos everywhere - on the pitch (a la the cricket sponsors), the goal posts, the actual goal net, and if money stretches to it, a fullsize massive sportsdirect.com tattooed onto obertan's forehead. If he was to put the money into this rather than onto French-speaking footballers, then we'd surely get middlesbrough style situations where teams don't even turn up to the matches and concede every game at SJP@sportsdirect.com 3-0. Granted, a 3-0 win in every home game would still not quite match deano's predictions but we can't have everything.

Yeah scratch that. Think we can play a decent passing game with that formation...Linking between the zones and Bafra roaming. Marveaux is still a bit of an unknown property, playing in the League Cup against Forest doesn't really change that (as far as Pardew is concerned anyway). I think he'll plan to play 4-4-1-1 with Ben Arfa in behind the striker. I think that gives him licence to play where he wants but keeps us quite solid. The midfield'll be Jonas-Tiote-Cabaye-Obertan with Cabaye playing the further forward of the midfield two. I'm not convinced any of the strikers we have can play as a loan target man but, then again, they don't look great as a two either. Alex with a grammatical error....or a clever freudian slip perchance

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/have_another_think_coming

would that other 'thing' be a 'think,' Deadman?

Ideally between cabaye and ba....on the bench. Allowing lambias to talk about how the squad doesn't need any further investment as the bench would be one of the best around, and marveaux and best not even good enough to get in the match day squad -------------------Elliott ---Simpson---Williamson----Saylor-----Raylor -------Obertan---Guthrie------Smith------ ------Shola-------Ranger--------Lovenkrands Bench: Krul Collicini Tiote Cabaye Ben Arfa Ba Sammy

Seeing as cabaye has firmly established himself as a hell of a ball striker, should we consider handing over the corner duties to someone else. His corners haven't really been anything more than OK, the ones I've seen being cut out early or just 'in the mixer' type deliveries. Surely we'd be better with him hanging around the edge of the box looking to win and get a shot off from balls cleared.

i think obertan and jonas (much as i love him) is just about the least imposing breakaway to be looming down on goal

Absolute genius. One of the greatest posts in the history of toontastic. Am sans-television/decent internet so got fivelive on. Atmosphere sounding really good at Dortmund... And come on milan

A touch hypocritical, perchance

Comma again

Wouldn't even be worthy of a programme if it's him ffs. I just take it as a given that they all have drugs in their system in Edinburgh and Glasgow. Wouldn't even be worthy of a programme if it's him ffs. I just take it as a given that they all have drugs in their system in Edinburgh and Glasgow. ....and people say am not psychic??!?!?!? Slightly scattergun approach to the old psychic powers

Wonder if all the kids who fail have to go to concentration camp in the summer

WTF! Serious? Seems like whoever was doing the captions was off their head on coke as well....

Did you screw Wilkinson's wife or daughter or something. seems to be doing everything to avoid contributing to the pint fund. england so terrible but just got a (presumably game-winning) try

Hi I'm deano (fully fit). sorry i wa'snt on here for the transfer window deadline day but i've been making this fantastic rod. I've used all my skills to make sure its perfectly designed for hitting me in the back with. Please form an orderly queue- there is a small charge but you can pay as you pl.......

Were you going as a pirate or a princess? More worried about his kids dressed as evil pirate joey barton and adorable princess alan pardew downing shots, getting mortal, and then throwing up on the drive home in CT's taxi

Best forward today. probs 3rd best defender behind collicini and saylor Now jose's gone he's also my favourite player

It was clearly handball but even a top goalie would have struggled to react to the close range diversion by barton so have to presume it was accidental. There is all this ball-to-hand stuff although that seems to have been marginalised over recent years. Think a pen +/- yellow would have been fair. Its one thing doing a suarez against ghana and being sent off,its another having the ball hitting you without even a chance to get out of the way. That said, it would have been daylight robbery if we were 1-0 as we've been terrible. The game is of similar one-sidedness to the games of last season.

Fair enough. Not sure why you wouldn't post your opinions within the same post as the article but i prefer to do my posts above the quoted text, and was quickly admonished for bringing about the end of the world, so what do i know? Still think you're spouting bollocks on the jonas front. Care to add a prediction on the number of goals/assists for marveaux/ferguson in HF's thread.

deffo. I'm sure if Jonas had to face a gateshead 2nd team he wouldn't be able to step up to the level. considering he's done a pretty good job of regularly beating 2-3 premier league midfielders/defenders (admittedly before often not playing a good final ball), he might have been able to do similar against these lions of english football. there's enough superstars against championship level opposition who can't do it against better teams, so this extrapolation is particularly ridiculous. almost like there's an anti-jonas agenda here (team negative perhaps?!) now, it may be the case that jonas ends up surplus to requirements, and that either/both fergie and marveaux end up more productive, but i think it'll be a while before jonas defecates himself due to fear. edit:and what a bizarre posting structure, to post the 2 articles a minute apart, then wait 8minutes to provide in-depth analysis in a separate post

Maybe her mate Norman was unwell....