Monkeys Fist

Me three.

Getting the Louis-Dreyfuss Company to buy a box would do the trick

Mike Ashley- the shit that stinks up your bog long after you’ve flushed it.

Framed and displayed next to my kids shitty paintings.

Happened to me. I thought I’d died and gone to Dad Joke Heaven.

CT, are you related to this Adam kid? #stalkers #heronfoods #bucketoffrogs

Not just once, twice. The audacity.

Ray Kennedy was a regular at one of the restaurants I was chef at in the 1990s/2000s. Seemed like a very humble, likeable bloke, who enjoyed chatting with the staff after service. I know he’d had a tough time up to then, not least because of his Parkinson’s disease.

How do you ever find them?

Renton says your vagina is too big.

All clearly happens on his first day at work too, because that Hi-viz is fucking spotless.

Don’t they live next our resident Tory? Is she there?

FYP.

“ It’s never happened before, honest” Low T rope pusher.

Being higher T, I question your need for Kamagra to prop up your flaccid meat. Bitch.

The husband of one of Mrs.F’s work colleagues is about to appear on “Farage at Large” on GB news, live from sunderland. It’s every bit as terrible as you’d expect it to be. I’ve lasted 2 minutes before I’ve fucked it off, which I’m quite impressed with tbh.

Ladies, ladies, can we all just take a few pills and slaver over our chest?

It was your wedding, wasn’t it?

Looks like he’s eaten Kim Jong Un.

Brucey- “ Ahhh, well lads, we’re going out for a team meal tonight- Lau’s Buffet King! All you can eat Rinky-dinks… go easy on the lagers but, training is cancelled the morrow.”

Fish whipping it out all over the shop.

When I was offshore one trip I got an abscess in the roof of my mouth- felt like a fucking golf ball and was agonising. My options were to get medi-vacced off ( which would have been a black mark against future work) or keep schtum and grin and bear it. One of the lads gave me a painkiller called Naproxen, which was fucking incredible. Within half an hour I was right as rain, having been fucking zombied by the pain until then. So, get some Naproxen down you. Edit; Once I was drugged up, I “sterilised” a sewing needle and did a bit of Bob Mortimer self-dentistry on the abscess. There is not enough mouthwash in the universe to wash away the taste after I’d drained it

It says “knobjockey” on his Linkdin page.