Inochi

My son said 'dada' for the first time today, when I got home from the match. It's been an emotional day.

Absolute hero. Never has a player been more deserving of such a moment. Immensely proud that he's represented this club the last few years. His performances may have been up and down, but his professionalism and commitment has never wavered. In some countries, it's illegal to have the feelings I have towards this man.

How's that?

I love Colo, but, well, nah, really? Completely standard Ashley move, like.

With a near six month old, I'll be lucky to last until midnight. Although, I'll see more than enough of the early hours of the morning. Can't say I'm bothered, mind. He's a cracking excuse to decline invites to inevitably shit house parties.

He's a football manager, man. Nobody died.

Carver/Beardsley for as long as they keep us afloat, I reckon. Someone incredibly uninspiring to follow.

Perfect situation for Ashley, like. Didn't want to shift him earlier due to the compensation, now some silly fucker is going to pay him. Incredible. Never imagined that it'd happen like this, and after a win too. For all I'm pleased that he's going, the worry now turns to who we'll get instead. I can't see us acting quickly. More likely that Carver/Beardsley will be handed the reigns, similar to Hughton.

Reckon we're getting dicked today, like. I'm watching it at my lasses parents', and I don't think I've watched us win here in about seven years. Plus, it's Boxing Day. It's 'United', as well. What I'm trying to get across here, is that I'm not confident of a result.

What a guy.

Ashley and Pardew have stopped radgies wanting to fight? Could probably get themselves some decent consultancy work out of that.

It felt a bit nawty getting on a metro full of them, like. I'm genuinely surprised that there wasn't much bother, especially considering the result.

If only he'd have went down easy in the break that lead to their goal.

It looked, again, like they were the only side that turned up to play football. We stupidly came for a fight. Coloccini's daft challenge in the first few minutes summed up our intentons, and early bookings put our midfield at a distinct disadvantage. In attack, we looked nervous and snatched at the chances we had, even when well placed. They had the better of the chances, but we had more than enough ourselves to win the game. Thought Ayoze was our MOTM, and looked the best player on the pitch. Credit to Sissoko, too, who did his best, but was moved around too much. The way we now approach these games is exactly how they used to, so it's no surprise that we're the ones now struggling badly. It doesn't help that Poyet completely has Pardew's number, either.

Lamine Diatta.

Yeah, you look good. Can't deny that.

You not a bit cold in that?

Gunman supposedly shot the hostage, causing the police to storm the buliding. Shocking stuff, like. Depressingly avoidable too, it would seem.

Who is Enrique? I've never seen him post, but he keeps looking at my profile.

He's a complete twat, like. There really is no escaping it. I fucking loved him while he was here, but he's never been, and likely never will be, right enough in the head to make it as a top level professional. This move was the perfect opportunity to 'prove people wrong'. If he'd put in a couple of productive displays, he'd likely have never been dropped from that team. Yet he couldn't bring himself to do it. It's a massive shame, but he only really has himself to blame. With any luck, he'll find the perfect club, with the perfect attack minded manager, and the perfect complimentary players, to allow him to finally flourish.

Utterly grim viewing, that. Pre-match had the feel of us writing the game off, and so it proved. The press have been quite kind in labelling it an 'under strength' Newcastle side, considering it was only really Krul/Sissoko out from our 'regulars'.

No doubt about that. I assume that's what the extra money is to cover.

I was formally made manager of my team, yesterday, having effectively occupied the role for the last year. Came with a significant pay rise. This doesn't help any of you, but it felt like a good opportunity to brag.

That was fucking excellent, like. The absolute ecstasy of Cisse's second, to the despair of Taylor's sending off, and the longest added time I've experienced, in the best atmosphere we've had in years. So, so glad we held on, just to stick it up the bent cunt of a ref. I was fucking exhausted walking out. That's what it's all about, man.

That can't be right, can it? (Said fully expecting it to be right.)