Scottish Mag

1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!" 2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him." 3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother." 4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew." 5. US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them .... Oh my god!! What have I just said??" 6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it." 7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard! 8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday." 9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this." 10. Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets." 11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UKeclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts." 12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.

Whats the most ridiculous/funny shop names in your area. When I was staying in Bristol for the FA Cup semi final used to laugh at a Chinese Takeaway called "Ming Yins".. Is there any daft named shops etc where you stay?

Happy Birthday dude..

Dumbarton

Leazes' new bum chum actually Speaking of Leazes, I haven't told him about 2J having his post edited yet. Ah the typo, nothing like making a mountain out of a molehill I tell you some on here don't half like some drama..

I'm a true Scotsman

Happy Belated Birthday Big Man!

Theres some right clatty fuckers on here!

You can't fucking win on here Last week many were complaining that the place was to quiet. One of the main reasons for that is that very few people actually start threads not that no one was online. I started a few on Friday morning and the place was actually ticking over in the morning pretty well. Make your fooking minds up!

Sorry Jonny not the Schwarzenegger 80s movie but the art of not wearing underwear, something that may seem strange, unusual, or beautiful to some. Some do it for sexual excitement and amusement, especially chicks with your short skirts and flawlessly trimmed private areas. Others do it for comfort, underwear is tight, restrictive, let it all hang out, let it breathe and be free. So then, is going commando ever acceptable? Do you or have you ever done it?

Exactly as it says in the thread title. Whilst some on here have or attempt to create online personas how do you think other members on here actually perceive you ..

I have agreed first refusal on a house that I want that is going on the market in October/November

Kieron Dyer appeared to play his final game for Newcastle at Carlisle on Saturday while Joey Barton played his last for six weeks having broken a metatarsal. Barton will undergo surgery today and is set to miss Newcastle's first three or four Premier League games. If it is four, then he will not be seen until the game at Derby County on September 17. Given that Barton was handed the Newcastle captaincy on Saturday, and that he is Sam Allardyce's biggest signing at £5.8m, his loss is pivotal. However, it does not mean that Newcastle will persuade Dyer not to leave, with the club apparently preparing to receive an offer for him from West Ham, Tottenham or Manchester City this week. It is unlikely Newcastle would turn down £5m or more. Over the past few days Dyer and Allardyce seem to have reached the same conclusion - that the player would be better off leaving the club he has been at since 1999. Having been played on the left wing in a prosaic 1-1 draw against the League One side, Dyer came off in the second half sporting a dejected look. When Allardyce was asked directly if that could have been Dyer's last appearance in black and white, he replied: "Kieron Dyer hasn't said anything to me. We've got no bid. If we do get a bid, then it might be his last game for Newcastle but we've got no bid. What Allardyce did not say was that he was determined to hold on to the 28-year-old regardless. He said Newcastle were yet to receive an approach from West Ham but Alan Curbishley was quoted yesterday saying: "We have not made any contact with Newcastle and I understand Sam has said, 'There is no smoke without fire.' Perhaps he [Dyer] wants to leave. I would not rule out a move for him because I think he is a very exciting player." Allardyce's first comment on Saturday was: "What I've learned is that we need more players" and he is now set to be another two down. Those remarks Allardyce has been making recently about Newcastle needing to inject some urgency into their recruitment have increased pertinence. To date he has acquired Barton, David Rozehnal and Geremi and has sold Scott Parker to West Ham. The net spend is around £2m. "I'd hope we'd have got more faces in the last two weeks and we haven't got a single one," Allardyce repeated on Saturday. "As I've said, we need three or four. I've been telling you for weeks that I need three or four defenders in, so I'm going to be concerned, aren't I?" Rozehnal and Geremi both made their Newcastle debuts against Carlisle. Rozehnal looked fast but was outjumped for the Carlisle goal. After Barton's news Geremi assumes greater importance as he can play in central midfield. Emre Belozoglu can also play there but the Turk has an ankle injury. He joins Damien Duff in the treatment room and, while Allardyce was optimistic about Michael Owen, Shola Ameobi and James Milner, he was unable to use any of them at Brunton Park, where Nolberto Solano scored a 90th-minute equaliser. Allardyce arrived at St James' Park admitting the club's track record on injuries had contributed to the managerial demise of his two predecessors, Graeme Souness and Glenn Roeder, and he is assembling a backroom team designed to keep serious injuries to a minimum. "Our object is to make [the players] more aware of their bodies, more aware of what they need themselves to progress as footballers," said Allardyce. "Our policy is to prevent injuries and make players fitter physically and mentally, and that means they are more available to be selected for the team and give more value for money for the supporters and the club itself. "That has probably been one of the biggest problems over the last two years here and arguably has cost the last two managers their jobs. The injury record has been one of the worst in the country." Mark Viduka's international future remains uncertain after the 31-year-old Newcastle striker refused to commit to Australia following their Asian Cup defeat by Japan on Saturday.

What happened Glasgow Mag? Or is it just SM? The cheek! I'm no fucking weegie!

Didn't think you drank Magma?

Not a player but...

For those with good memories, which Moustached Toon players can you remember?

I think I'll try for one of these this year...

Pierce Brosnan has been announced as the new narrator of Thomas The Tank Engine. The former Bond actor was delighted to be approached by producers of the kids' TV classic, which has previously featured Beatle Ringo Starr as narrator. "One of my fondest memories as a father was sharing the stories of Thomas The Tank Engine and watching the series with my children when they were young," Brosnan explained. "I am thrilled by the opportunity to be the narrator for this beloved series, following in the shoes of so many famous names, and helping introduce Thomas and friends to many more generations of children." Bruce Steinberg, chief executive of production company HIT Entertainment, added: "To say we are thrilled that Pierce Brosnan is the new narrator of Thomas & Friends is an understatement. Pierce brings a wealth of acting experience to the role, as well as a unique voice that children and parents around the world will recognise and trust."

Looks like it. Cheers, have stickied it.

overcast and not quite strappy top temperature It better be scorching next week...

Is it worth starting up another one of these this year. Did people continue to do it? I know I stopped checking/changing my team etc after the first couple of months.

I got that when I was welding in the Shipyards..

I think how little this thread has been bumped this year is an indication of what a shit summer we have had. Whats the weather like in the Toon today?