Happy Face 29 Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 (edited) "Newcastle United needs to be filled with people who love this club”, Alan Shearer said on Sunday and in that one, endlessly banal, hopelessly misguided sentence the latest would-be Messiah laid his finger on everything that has gone wrong with Newcastle’s football club and why it would be madness for Mike Ashley to appoint the former centre forward as full-time manager. This is a club that have had far too much love: the love of the fans, the love of their various managers, the love of other supporters who, until now, have been happy to rally behind Newcastle as their second team. This is a club that have basked in an orgy of self-infatuation, living on myths, dreams, brown ale and anything else that could numb the senses to the catastrophe that has been ticking like a time-bomb all season. And now they want to turn to a man who has an excess of love but who has no qualifications to lead the club out of the mire into which they have jumped, feet first, except an ironed shirt and an occasional turn of phrase. A man who ticks no boxes whatsoever except possession of a Geordie accent and a legendary status on Gallowgate that is so patently irrelevant to the club’s present predicament as to be almost laughable. This club do not need love; they need to be stripped clean of all sentimentality. They need a man who feels nothing but contempt for the position Newcastle now find themselves in and who is prepared to ignore the mass of fans and their hare-brained schemes. They need a man who can state the truths the supporters do not want to hear; who can perform reconstructive surgery on a team that have lost all semblance of unity and coherence; a man who is hard-headed, hard-nosed and has spent hardly any time on Tyneside and is thus untainted by the delirium. They need a man with a proven track record of management; a man who can finesse an understandably panicky owner; above all they need a man with the deep and long experience capable of persuading the good players to stay (and, let’s be honest, there are not many of those), who can get rid of the dross without the whole thing descending into a fire sale, and who can go into an infinitely complex global marketplace, identify a new crop of talented youngsters and persuade them that Newcastle are not a busted flush, but a club that can ride high once again. And the new manager needs to do this with a close eye on the rapidly deteriorating finances, a deep awareness of the long-term contractual implications of his manoeuvrings in the transfer market and with a nose for how his string of new signings will cope with the unique demands of the Coca-Cola Championship, a league that is different in style, pace, philosophy and tempo from the Barclays Premier League. Shearer, it hardly needs stating, is qualified for none of these tasks and it is symptomatic of the delusional contagion in the North East that so many supporters think he is. Perhaps the most darkly comic aspect of Shearer’s initial appointment was how often we heard the phrase “the mood on Tyneside has been transformed”, as if the fans might be able to emote an awful team out of the relegation zone; as if the level of intoxication inspired by the great man’s appointment was a good thing rather than a distraction from what was, even then, a formidable challenge; as if sentiment has any bearing on success and failure when a team are plummeting towards calamity like a man in a concrete overcoat. I sat in that opening press conference, heard Shearer’s repeated protestations of devotion to “the football club” (as if we doubted that), watched the fans outside taking off their shoes in an apparent show of fealty to their new saviour, and then got the train home wondering if this tedious soap opera will ever end. First Kevin Keegan, then Shearer; give it a couple of seasons of failure in the Championship and they will doubtless turn to the ghost of Jackie Milburn for managerial redemption amid yet more scenes of jubilation outside St James’ Park, yet more dreams of a return to the glory days, yet more whimsy and surrealism. For the record, Shearer’s tenure has been a failure in almost every possible way, bar his ability to deflect criticism from his own inadequacies during post-match press conferences. He managed a derisory one win in eight games, executed tactical shifts and machinations that made Claudio Ranieri, the Tinkerman, seem like a rock of stability, but, most damningly of all, the St James’ Park hero failed even to inspire the passion and resolve in the players in what was the whole point of the exercise. In retrospect, Newcastle needed only a point from their last two games to retain Premier League status, but failed to manage even that; their meek, passive, antiheroic surrender in the final quarter of an hour away to Aston Villa symptomatic of a club that had expended all their reserves of emotional energy on irrelevant happenings off the pitch; a club that have, in truth, spent so long navel-gazing that they no longer had the wit or the wish to look to the fights — the real fights on the pitch — that needed so dearly to be won. As Alan Hansen said on Match of the Day (which is where Shearer should have stayed, firmly on the couch) on Sunday: “Even then, in the last ten to 15 minutes there was nothing, absolutely nothing. You know their life depends upon this and yet we spent 15 to 20 minutes waiting for some sort of effort [which never came].” Some will point to Keegan, who as a virginal manager brought Newcastle back into the top flight 16 years ago. They will dare to believe that this sets some kind of precedent. That inexperience can be some sort of blessing in club management. But what about Sir Bobby Charlton, who took Preston North End down from the old second division in his first season in charge? What about the dozens of other precedents that show that experience matters in football management just as it does in every other area of life? The reality is that, lumbered with Shearer, things are likely to get a lot worse for Newcastle, a club that face a once-in-a-generation opportunity to reinvent themselves from top to bottom. Aye, this catastrophe is an opportunity But has Ashley got the balls to ditch him, to make a decision based on the kind of hard corporate logic that has served him so well in amassing a fortune in the sports goods market? Would the fans even let him? And with that last, rhetorical question we hit the bull’s-eye of Newcastle’s travails. Until the club have an owner who can ignore the myopic short-termism of the nation’s most capricious fans, (The last 2 years have been an attempt to keep us HAPPY? ) there will be no bounce for Newcastle United. I am not saying that all supporters are burdened by overinflated expectations, but can it be seriously denied that Newcastle are weighed down by a critical mass of unrealism? That this is the underlying reason for the lack of a single major trophy in 40 years? Shearer’s appointment would symbolise everything that is wrong at St James’ Park, past and present. Expect him to be unveiled by the end of the week. Woefully ill-informed shite. And having listed all those things we need, I notice he can't suggest who that person might be. Edited May 27, 2009 by Happy Face Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom 13895 Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Overinflated expectations What a clueless wanker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Not reading it btw but he's an example of so many journalists around now who seem to take their lead from message board wums. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 12836 Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 From Berkshire, eh? Douggy in action. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trophyshy 6441 Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 From Berkshire, eh? Douggy in action. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimbo 133 Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 And I thought WUMs only wrote on message boards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Rod Liddle's exactly the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom 13895 Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Again though - so many people buy into it. So we will be hearing people say ''Shearer's got no qualifications or experience''. Despite his time as assistant to Roeder, the last 8 games & the fact he has all but one of his badges. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonatine 10101 Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 This the ping pong guy? Not the first time he's written Grade A shite, just second rate Talksport drivel dressed up as "proper" journalism Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 This the ping pong guy? Not the first time he's written Grade A shite, just second rate Talksport drivel dressed up as "proper" journalism Heard him on Radio 5 once giving it the biggun because he'd represented the UK in the Olympics at table tennis. Was actually comparing himself with Matthew Pinsent who was on the same show. Fair to say he's got a few tickets on himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trophyshy 6441 Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 (edited) Every cunt has an opinion on us yet we are not a big club. The reason we have not won a trophy is because we have not won a trophy. I would say the biggest contribution to that is, by far, boardroom mismanagement. But that's not too controversial or having a pop at some remote northern monkeys now, is it? Edited May 27, 2009 by trophyshy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Stevie Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 From Berkshire, eh? Douggy in action. Aye Berkshire with a name like Syed. I hope you die at the Hajj you fuckin stupid Egyptian cunt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Face 29 Posted May 27, 2009 Author Share Posted May 27, 2009 Again though - so many people buy into it. So we will be hearing people say ''Shearer's got no qualifications or experience''. Despite his time as assistant to Roeder, the last 8 games & the fact he has all but one of his badges. And who gives a fuck if he's experienced either way tbh. It's not like Keegan is the only example of it working, and we're the only daftees that turn to an old favourite. Klinsmann got the Germany job....then the Bayern job. Cruyff got taken on by Ajax, Frank Rijkaard took on the Netherlands. Dalglish at Liverpool....etc....etc... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom 13895 Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Well on the experience count take a look at pep guardiola...(for a contemporary look) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howay 12495 Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Stick to table tennis you cunt We're gone you've got what you wanted but the fact you're still talking about us makes me wonder is it really what you wanted? This is our club we support it how we want who does this nob even 'support'? I'm fed up of blokes like this having a dig at where I'm from about the people from the region, talking as if they know what we're all like he knows fuck aal aboot fuck aal the fuckin doylem maybe a bit about table tennis but that's a wank 'sport' anyway. I honestly thought when relegated they may stop writing about us after all we're just a small club . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angelus71 4 Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Every cunt has an opinion on us yet we are not a big club. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The messenger 0 Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Can't see much wrong with tha article. Don't think Shearer is the answer either. You need to give an experienced manager @ Hodgson or similar a few seasons and you will be turned around. Unfortunatly you are basically run by yourselves with a muppet as a chairman. It's not just about about cutting wages and rebuilding an overpaid shite squad, you need a leader and a motivator. You need someone who can take you through the championship trenches and I doubt anybody except Newcastle fans believe Shearer is the answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Face 29 Posted May 27, 2009 Author Share Posted May 27, 2009 Can't see much wrong with tha article. Don't think Shearer is the answer either. You need to give an experienced manager @ Hodgson or similar a few seasons and you will be turned around. Unfortunatly you are basically run by yourselves with a muppet as a chairman. It's not just about about cutting wages and rebuilding an overpaid shite squad, you need a leader and a motivator. You need someone who can take you through the championship trenches and I doubt anybody except Newcastle fans believe Shearer is the answer. Who is? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Can't see much wrong with tha article. Don't think Shearer is the answer either. You need to give an experienced manager @ Hodgson or similar a few seasons and you will be turned around. Unfortunatly you are basically run by yourselves with a muppet as a chairman. It's not just about about cutting wages and rebuilding an overpaid shite squad, you need a leader and a motivator. You need someone who can take you through the championship trenches and I doubt anybody except Newcastle fans believe Shearer is the answer. You're the target audience tbf though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Face 29 Posted May 27, 2009 Author Share Posted May 27, 2009 (edited) Can't see much wrong with tha article. Don't think Shearer is the answer either. You need to give an experienced manager @ Hodgson or similar a few seasons and you will be turned around. Unfortunatly you are basically run by yourselves with a muppet as a chairman. It's not just about about cutting wages and rebuilding an overpaid shite squad, you need a leader and a motivator. You need someone who can take you through the championship trenches and I doubt anybody except Newcastle fans believe Shearer is the answer. Who is? ....and having had the claim of impatience levelled at us consistently since Freddy Shepherd saw fit to sack Bobby Robson, are you as an outsider saying we should get rid of Shearer after 8 games, having lost Kinnear after 18, following on from 20 odd from Keegan and a similar number from Allardyce? None of whom the fans forced out, half of whom the fans desparately wanted to hold on to. Are you sure you won't come back next year (like you have with Allardyce) and say..."should have kept Shearer. You're too impatient." Edited May 27, 2009 by Happy Face Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 9090 Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Can't see much wrong with tha article. Don't think Shearer is the answer either. You need to give an experienced manager @ Hodgson or similar a few seasons and you will be turned around. Unfortunatly you are basically run by yourselves with a muppet as a chairman. It's not just about about cutting wages and rebuilding an overpaid shite squad, you need a leader and a motivator. You need someone who can take you through the championship trenches and I doubt anybody except Newcastle fans believe Shearer is the answer. Right, not to sound like a lass, but it's not what he's said, but the way he's said it. He doesn't say Alan Shearer isn't experienced enough and there needs to be an overhaul. He says the fans are deluded, the club's a joke and all our mams are slags. Ask yourself this, if VIlla went down and someone wrote an article as damning in it's clichéd hackneyed way as this is about your club. Would you not feel aggreived? It's deliberately written to provoke the outrage that I'm sure a lot of us feel. Noone would care if he pointed the finger at the people who've done this to our club, but he doesn't he attacks the club. I was searching for a term that is distinct. Not the Team (the 16 or so "players") that failed us Not the Club which is sullied by connection to the owner, the chairman, Dennis Wise and the mistakes at that level from the past. Not the fans, because it's more than us. What Newcastle United is, transcends all of that, but I cannot for the life of me think of the term. anyway, I digress, my point is that I wouldn't give a hoot if he barracked the bosses, pilloried the players and taunted the tea lady, but he directs the blame at Newcastle United instead. and for that he's a twat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 12836 Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Can't see much wrong with tha article. Don't think Shearer is the answer either. You need to give an experienced manager @ Hodgson or similar a few seasons and you will be turned around. Unfortunatly you are basically run by yourselves with a muppet as a chairman. It's not just about about cutting wages and rebuilding an overpaid shite squad, you need a leader and a motivator. You need someone who can take you through the championship trenches and I doubt anybody except Newcastle fans believe Shearer is the answer. You're the target audience tbf though. Ice burn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asprilla 96 Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Haha didn't read Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spongebob toonpants 3629 Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Can't see much wrong with tha article. Don't think Shearer is the answer either. You need to give an experienced manager @ Hodgson or similar a few seasons and you will be turned around. Unfortunatly you are basically run by yourselves with a muppet as a chairman. It's not just about about cutting wages and rebuilding an overpaid shite squad, you need a leader and a motivator. You need someone who can take you through the championship trenches and I doubt anybody except Newcastle fans believe Shearer is the answer. You're the target audience tbf though. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trophyshy 6441 Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 (edited) Capricious fans..... Caprice.. An impulsive change of mind. An inclination to change one's mind impulsively. A sudden, unpredictable action, change, or series of actions or changes: A hailstorm in July is a caprice of nature. Let's have an honest discussion then. Not you yourself, but toon fans as a whole...do you think they are accurately described by the above? I don't think many on here are but we don't have too many chavs. As a whole, are we capricious? The nation's most too? Edited May 27, 2009 by trophyshy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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