mackem messageboard gold

[Gemmill 52480]

1 minute ago, Kid Dynamite said:

This is worse than Keith's story FFS

 

Up yours, Crocadillos! 

[Rayvin 6442]

17 minutes ago, Gemmill said:

That's what talking to my father-in-law is like. Really long stories about a job he hasn't done for 20 years, and genuinely we'll be 10 minutes into one of these things where he's described in detail the drive to Scotland, the walk from the car to the office, including incidental details about "and if you look right, you can see this other building"... Bit of detail about that building, cos why the fuck wouldn't I want to know about that, and I suddenly have this crisis where I can't remember what we were talking about that made him set off on this fucking odyssey, where this ramble is going to end, and how the fuck I'm supposed to react when it peters out to nothing. 

 

It's horrendous. He basically wants to tell me a story about his old job every time I see him, and it doesn't matter whether it's relevant to current conversations, he'll just go "well that's a bit like when I used to work at...." and off we fucking go. 

 

They all end with me going "Ah right", and then turning to my wife and the mother in law and trying to get into their conversation. He must think I fucking hate him. 

 

Have you tried telling him this or bantering with him about it

[Gemmill 52480]

11 minutes ago, Rayvin said:

 

Have you tried telling him this or bantering with him about it

 

I don't have the heart. On the rare occasions that my wife and mother in law get sucked into one of these monologues, the mother in law in particular does these massive audible sighs and will go "deeeear me..... Oh god." under her breath, and he looks so fucking hurt by it when he catches her.

 

My wife will go as far as exchanging looks with her mam but never says anything. 

 

My lot is to just fucking accept that I am in a one way conversation and try to drum up a reaction that is as non-dismissive as possible for when it all ends. 

 

He had to retire early due to stress and I think in part it's him saying "I used to be somebody you know?", so telling him he's boring the tits off me would be quite brutal.

 

It's an improvement on my previous father-in-law who would try and co-opt me into jokes at the dinner table about how fat the mother in law was, and when his step-granddaughters came round (all bonny lasses in their teens) he'd go "come and sit on your granddad's knee". 🍭

 

That was meant to be a lol, but the lollipop might be more appropriate. 

Edited 4 hours ago by Gemmill

[Rayvin 6442]

Christ man, that last one sounds like a horror show..

[Gemmill 52480]

1 minute ago, Rayvin said:

Christ man, that last one sounds like a horror show..

 

Aye, a proper fucking weirdo. Would delight in telling me how they used to have a dog called n-word and how it was fine back then cos that was an actual colour and you could order a sofa in that colour etc. 

 

Most of my time at their house was me doing Tim from The Office reaction-shots-to-camera for my own amusement/sanity. 

[RobElliott 2007]

1 hour ago, Gemmill said:

That's what talking to my father-in-law is like. Really long stories about a job he hasn't done for 20 years, and genuinely we'll be 10 minutes into one of these things where he's described in detail the drive to Scotland, the walk from the car to the office, including incidental details about "and if you look right, you can see this other building"... Bit of detail about that building, cos why the fuck wouldn't I want to know about that, and I suddenly have this crisis where I can't remember what we were talking about that made him set off on this fucking odyssey, where this ramble is going to end, and how the fuck I'm supposed to react when it peters out to nothing. 

 

It's horrendous. He basically wants to tell me a story about his old job every time I see him, and it doesn't matter whether it's relevant to current conversations, he'll just go "well that's a bit like when I used to work at...." and off we fucking go. 

 

They all end with me going "Ah right", and then turning to my wife and the mother in law and trying to get into their conversation. He must think I fucking hate him. 

Have you tried to fight fire with fire and started to talk about xG back to him?

[Gemmill 52480]

5 minutes ago, RobElliott said:

Have you tried to fight fire with fire and started to talk about xG back to him, sir?

 

Better. 

[Craig 7339]

2 hours ago, Gemmill said:

That's what talking to my father-in-law is like. Really long stories about a job he hasn't done for 20 years, and genuinely we'll be 10 minutes into one of these things where he's described in detail the drive to Scotland, the walk from the car to the office, including incidental details about "and if you look right, you can see this other building"... Bit of detail about that building, cos why the fuck wouldn't I want to know about that, and I suddenly have this crisis where I can't remember what we were talking about that made him set off on this fucking odyssey, where this ramble is going to end, and how the fuck I'm supposed to react when it peters out to nothing. 

 

It's horrendous. He basically wants to tell me a story about his old job every time I see him, and it doesn't matter whether it's relevant to current conversations, he'll just go "well that's a bit like when I used to work at...." and off we fucking go. 

 

They all end with me going "Ah right", and then turning to my wife and the mother in law and trying to get into their conversation. He must think I fucking hate him. 

Give him your login for here, will you?

 

Might improve things.

[Gemmill 52480]

I could see how you'd get on with him tbf. 

[Renton 24471]

3 hours ago, Alex said:

They were discussing the possibility of Wrexham away next season on there when up pops Keith with this scintillating anecdote:

 

That's nowt from that boring cunt. There was one thread where he went thesis length on how he once beat the queue at the metrocentre by continuing North on the AI and then turning round and using a slip from the Southbound. He was widely ridiculed by half the SMB then as well but was too thick to see it. 

 

[Craig 7339]

4 minutes ago, Gemmill said:

I could see how you'd get on with him tbf. 

Better comeback than I was expecting tbf

[thebrokendoll 10833]

1 hour ago, RobElliott said:

Have you tried to fight fire with fire and started to talk about xG back to him?

 

not even the noncey one deserves that.

[Toonpack 12115]

2 hours ago, RobElliott said:

Have you tried to fight fire with fire and started to talk about xG back to him?

The bloke would probably like that, it would tell him where had the best chance of a shot in the box.