Matty

Get in! Special mentions obviously to Flintoff but also Anderson who was superb with bat and ball in the first innings. Rain for the rest of the summer anyone?

UCLAN is full of dick heads. So is Manchester... while we're at sweeping generalisations eh!

Excellent advice in bold. Clubs and societies really make the difference in the social aspect of Uni life and you meet so many people from different areas of life that you normally wouldn't even think of speaking to. The sex and drugs is not the worst bit of advice either like, but just be careful eh

10-2, Ponting out! A bit conterversial too, which is brilliant for that smug twat. Not sure if he's out caught or lbw. Don't care either! Anderson again... Oh Jimmy Jimmy!

University of Central Lancashire my good man. Based in sunny Preston.

Aussies 6-1, Hughes out. C Prior B Anderson. Anderson the new all-rounder?!

A finer university there never has been my friend... you will love it! Enjoy the library that I've fuckin' paid for and never got to use properly. If you've got any questions about it just let me know mate.

425 all out. England now 5/2 for the win, draw is 11/10, Aussies are 9/4.

Keys in the bowl time, aye.

378-9. 3 wickets in 3 overs.

Fuckin' showoff....

Didn't see the injury but it sounds horrible like! England's highest opening partnership at Lord's, 188-0. Aussies now 10/1 to win this match, what a great toss this was to win.

Just like the last match, the Aussies are now 7/1 to win.

Photoshopped tbh. Really though, it is.

126-0 at lunch. Cook on 67, Strauss on 47. England at 5/2 for a win, draw is 4/7 and Aussies are 11/2. A dream start for England, but it can change very quickly as we know!

65-0 so far for England... Aussies currently 10/3 to win the match, interesting odds. They were 7/1 at one point to win the last one and came 1 wicket away from the win of course. England are 3/1 and the draw is favourite at 4/6.

From .com Tickets: Adults £10, juniors £5. Now on general sale. Darlo have confirmed that tickets will be available on Saturday, but must be bought from the ticket office at the ground. If you're intending to doing that, allow plenty of time to queue at both ticket office and then turnstiles.

They've got taxis you know...

But if all the people you're texting have iphones, blackberrys, N95s etc, they all have ready access to their emails. So you, for exmaple, would just send "Do u 1t a shag itl b gr8 man" in an email and not a text. (I may have got the txtspk horribly wrong... ) But they don't so it's pointless. Then, my friend, you can be a trend setter and be held aloft in your social circle as "He who brought the future to us all" you never know, with a little luck they may bed you on the back of you being the man with the coolest phone, instead of just the guy with the most Adidas outside of Mr Dassler's garage. Why would I want my mates to bed me though? You is not a batty boi?

Looked like he was just having a laugh with his mates before/after training tbh.

From The Times: Andrew Flintoff will retire from Test cricket at the end of this summer's Ashes series. The England all-rounder is expected to confirm that his injury problems have got the better of him at an 11am press conference today.

Andrew Flintoff looks set to announce his retirement from Test cricket according to reports. Flintoff is set to hold a press conference at Lord's on Wednesday following a report in The Sun claiming he would quit Tests after the Ashes. The 31-year-old all-rounder, a key figure in the 2005 triumph, is battling to be fit for the second Test against Australia after complaining of soreness in his right knee. Flintoff, who has been dogged by ankle and knee injuries in recent seasons, had a cortisone injection on Monday in a bid to help with the healing. And it appears the injuries have now taken their toll, with Flintoff intending to sacrifice five-day cricket to try to ensure his fitness for 50-over and Twenty20 international matches. Flintoff, who has played 75 times in 11 years, is believed to have told his team-mates of his intentions ahead of Wednesday's practice session.

Are you doing this in morse code?!

Stop swallowing?

We know you've got a new job and you've lost weight... ok?! fuck off, I'd say this when I'm on the sofa watching Sky News Two and a Half Men with a sausage sandwich in hand waiting for the job offers to come rolling in! I actually agree with you though... I work with some people who have been here for 30 years and are lazy as fuck. But I guess if these people are happy with that then fair enough, but chances are that deep down they'll probably wish they challeneged themselves more.