Magma

RIP

No. Think most of them out on the pissup

Why is everybody fascinated by Renton for?

This time next week I will be in lovely Benidorm

yeah I'm attending the Juventus match

TRANSFER RUMOURS Manchester City are closing in on the signing of Newcastle midfielder Kieron Dyer for £4.5m. (The Sun) Sven-Goran Eriksson has also enquired about West Brom's £9m-rated centre-back Curtis Davies. (The Sun) And he will also turn his attentions to Juventus' full-back Giorgio Chiellini, Nantes midfielder Emerse Fae and Olympiakos striker Nery Castillo. (Daily Mirror) Manchester United expect Carlos Tevez to have signed for them in time for the opening game of the season. (Daily Star) Aston Villa are ready to rival Everton for Manchester United's England striker Alan Smith. (Daily Mail) Man Utd have admitted defender Mikael Silvestre may leave following a £3m offer from Lyon. (Daily Mirror) Cardiff plan to sign Middlesbrough goalkeeper Ross Turnbull, 22, on loan. (The Sun) Bayern Munich have cleared Roque Santa Cruz to speak to Blackburn - and three other clubs - about a £4.5m move. (Daily Mirror) Middlesbrough are preparing to revive their interest in Spurs striker Mido after he rejected Birmingham. (Daily Mail) Wigan have made a shock £1.5m bid for Bolton defender Abdoulaye Faye. (Daily Mirror) Portsmouth boss Harry Redknapp is ready to block Sol Campbell's hopes of a move to Villarreal. (Daily Star) West Brom have made a renewed bid for Stoke defender Carl Hoefkens, 28, after a £750,000 bid was rejected. (The Sun) Sheffield United will make a £4m bid for Everton striker James Beattie. (Daily Mirror) Crystal Palace are lining up a loan deal for Benfica defender Jose Fonte. (The Sun) Lyon have made an £8m move for Arsenal misfit Jose Reyes. (Daily Mirror) Derby boss Billy Davies has offered Patrick Kluivert a trial at Pride Park. (Daily Mail) Wolves, Charlton and West Brom are tracking Spurs' £1m defender Phil Ifil. (Daily Mirror) Midfielder John Viafara is poised to quit Southampton for West Brom. (The Sun) Bolton chairman Phil Gartside wants £13m for Nicolas Anelka, with West Ham interested. (Daily Mirror) Slovakian Dusan Svento has been asked back for a further trial by Derby manager Billy Davies. (Independent) Ipswich are to extend the trial of Le Harvre defender Arsene Menessou. (The Sun) Bristol City have tabled a fourth and final bid of £1.2m for mercurial Swansea striker Lee Trundle. (Daily Mirror) Barnsley have offered a trial to Brazilian defender Dennis Souza. (Daily Star) OTHER GOSSIP Spurs' Ledley King is a doubt for England's next two Euro 2008 qualifiers after being ruled out for the first month of the season with knee surgery. (The Sun) Brazilian midfielder Lucas claims he turned down moves to Manchester United and Everton before joining Liverpool from Gremio. (Daily Mail) Gilberto Silva will miss the start of Arsenal's season after being given an extended break following the Copa America. (The Sun) West Ham's £7m midfielder Scott Parker is struggling to be fit for the start of the season with a knee injury. (Daily Star) Midfielder Sean Davis' hopes of leaving Portsmouth have been hit by a knee injury. (Daily Mirror) Europe's big guns have snubbed Uefa president Michel Platini's plans to alter Champions League qualification. (The Sun) Derby boss Billy Davies is fuming after learning he faces an FA disciplinary hearing which could see him banned from the touchline for the start of the Rams' campaign. (Daily Mirror) Sheffield United plc chief Kevin McCabe has bid to buy Hungarian club Ferencvaros, which is £5m in debt but owns valuable land. (Daily Star) Desperate Kilmarnock striker Steven Naismith has slammed in a transfer request as he continues to try to leave the club. (Daily Record) Hearts are on course to play in front of their biggest-ever home crowd when they host Barcelona at Murrayfield on Saturday, with 51,000 tickets already sold. (Daily Record) Falkirk trialist Roel Buikema has rejected a permanent deal at the club. (Daily Record) AND FINALLY Sir Alex Ferguson has told new signing Nani to stop his acrobatic back-flip goal celebration. (Various) Jonathan Woodgate has been voted in Spain as the worst signing of the 21st century. (The Sun)

Just watched Jackass 2, perfer number 1 than 2

good result for a friendly, hopefully we get results like that this season

could whisk her away out to for a meal or summit

Congraulations on the 27th wedding aniversary

young people start opening doors for you

Well only got tomorrow, Friday, Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday then off on Holiday on Saturday

Is that for deaf viewers then? I meant sing

Carole has to sign Led Zepplin - Stairway to heaven

Peter Andre

1. Nappy sorter One lucky woman in the US spends her day sorting through thousands of used baby nappies before they are bleached, cleaned and reused. Cleaning one nappy every two seconds, the colourful contents often drip onto her shoes. No matter – she merely uses the next nappy to clear up the offending spillage and moves on without even a pause for thought. 2. Animal m*sturb*tor Researching animal fertility or artificial insemination poses one rather obvious problem: how is the sperm extracted in the first place? Researchers who want animal sperm have a number of less-than-attractive options at hand. Electroej*culation involves a r*ctal probe being used to send pulses of electricity through the ‘lucky’ animal’s nether regions. In the case of gaining semen from dairy bulls, an artificial v*gina known in the trade as an AV is commonly used (now you know what to spend Aunt Maud’s Christmas voucher on). Apparently, bulls soon learn what’s going on and follow instructions. Digital pleasure, which is used on pigs and even turkeys, involves the animals being administered a more, er, traditional method of relief. 3. Pesticide drinker According to Discover magazine, you can get up to $200 a day for testing pesticides. No US laws govern such practises, and an industry spokesman commented, “It surely kills fewer people than drinking alcohol does and it also pays the victims, rather than having the victim pay.” We can’t help but think he’s missing the point. 4. Flatus odour judge While odour judges might be used by dental companies researching the efficiency of toothpaste or mouthwash, one Minneapolis gastroenterologist recently paid two brave souls to indulge repeatedly in the odours of other people's f*rts. 16 healthy subjects volunteered to eat beans and insert plastic tubes into them. The gas was collected and inhaled by the odour judges. Remember that next time you want to complain about a funny smell coming from the office fridge. 5. Isolation chamber tester “Imagine taking a car trip cross-country with your family. Now imagine that it lasts for months on end, that you can't open the windows, and that you can never get out of the car.” That's how Marc Shepanek, NASA's Deputy Chief for Medicine in Extreme Environments once described the severe psychological challenge that astronauts face on long-distance space missions. But at least they’re going somewhere. Just imagine the torture of the men and women picked to test the immobile isolation chambers on the ground. At NASA, space engineers responsible for on-board life-support systems regularly spend months at a time in uncomfortable captivity to test the equipment. Extra cash? No. Still not convinced? You try recyling your own urine for drinking water. Then repeat it a dozen more times over the next 91 days. Exactly. 6. Carcass cleaner Natural history museums display clean white skeletons or neatly stuffed animals, but their field biologists drag in rather less attractive specimens, commonly carcasses ripe with rotting flesh. Each museum's onsite taxidermist has his own favourite technique for sprucing his specimen up to display standards. One zoologist swears by his preferred strain of flesh-eating buffalo-hide beetles, while Jeppe Møhl at the University of Copenhagen Zoological Museum deposits sperm whales and dolphins into vast empty tanks and lets nature take its course. Finally there's the old Fatal Attraction boiling method which is useful for samples that even the bugs won't touch. It’s an approach favoured by archaeologist Sandra Olsen, who can only say of boiling down tough old hyena paws: "It felt like inhaling the gases would literally kill us” Luckily for her it merely gave her a lung infection. 7. Sewage plant gate cleaner Working in a sewage treatment plant is a grim proposition at the best of times. But some lucky individuals are plucked from obscurity to scrub the gates that filter out all the ‘material’ from the water as it passes through the plant’s cleaning cycle. Not so much ‘diving for pearls’ as ‘diving for t*rds’, then. 8. Asbestos remover The developed world now has a clear understanding of the risks of being in close proximity to asbestos (lung cancer, heart disease, skin complaints, infertility) and it is no longer used as a building material. Luckily, it is now uniformally being removed. One poor soul explains, ‘All day I crawl around in dirt, grime, and spiders in my underwear inside an air-tight suit wearing a very uncomfortable respirator. Millions of asbestos fibres float around me, getting in my hair and eyes. I would be a prison guard any day of the week over an asbestos remover. This is by far the worst job in the world.’ 9. Endangered species ecologist Think your job is pointless? Can’t see where you’re going or why you even bother turning up to work anymore? Try being an Endangered Species Ecologist. The lush island of Hawaii (okay, it sounds pretty good so far, granted...) has 34 bird species on the endangered list. Half a dozen of these feathered friends haven't been seen for decades, but faithful scientists don't have the heart to declare them extinct. Futile much? 10. Taxi driver The job you’re most likely to be murdered while doing. Enough said.

HIM - Right Here In My Arms

Happy Birthday

Steve Harper was born a day and 15 years before I was born

Andrew WK - You Will Remember Me Tonight

No one famous was born on the same day as me

WOO

that so aint me

1. Just got in 2. My passport finally arrived 3. Now just need to pack for my hols 4. about to do some work 5. Happy my passport arrived