GeordieMessiah

Class.

"I don't get nearly as much stick over here as I do on N-O." GM "Neither of us do, come to think of it, GM" Dave. *Apologies if only Gemmill gets this particular "joke".

I don't think it does. It only counts if you have more than a skidmark, i.e. if there's actual faecal matter stuck to your kecks.

Aside from my earlier declaration, I've just remembered there was this other time, actually, where I was stuck in a traffic jam on the M62 trying to make my way back from Birmingham to the north-east, and the traffic just stopped...and my stomach was rumbling like a rusty old washing machine. Managed to make it to the services just outside Leeds, only to get out of the car and feel my sphincter just beginning to erupt. I managed to waddle my way to the toilets, arriving in the nick of time at the toilet cubicle, running (well, speed-waddling) in, and slamming the door shut and locking it in a single ninja-like manouevre. Spun round, kecks down and *just* managed to sit before it exploded. Fuck me though, it sounded like Krakatoa and smelt like Bhopal. Had to sit there for 20 minutes afterwards to make sure nobody else was in the bogs before emerging from the cubicle shame-faced.

Wtf? Do you think perhaps I took that one too far?

Gemmill's gonads are incredibly soft, aren't they SLP? Wonder if he moisturises?

Only makes me more determined to be frank, and the whole thing more enjoyable tbf, one lone voice against the tide of idiocy. (and there's nothing quite so amusing as watching mutual group gonad stroking ) Fop man, give your head a shake. Personally I've never noticed this side to you before but your acting like a humourless dick today for some reason. Ah I see so point something out, and then being attacked for it is "acting like a humourless dick" is it? Ok. Me: What do you call a three legged donkey? Fop: Dunno Me: A wonky Fop: But why would you call it a wonky? The fact that it has three legs doesn't detract from the fact that it is still a donkey. Losing a limb doesn't cause an animal to change species, and besides, I'm not sure that there even exists a species known as "wonky". If you mean losing the limb will have affected its ability to stand up straight, you should consider the example of other animals that lose limbs and the amazing ability that nature has to adjust to adversity. There's a very good chance that your three-legged donkey would learn to adapt and would be able to walk and stand straight, thereby rendering the wonky label redundant.

Aye. We should get the Army to deal with our own insurgents first. Death squads with orders to shoot first and ask questions later should patrol our streets until all charva scum have been eliminated. I've got a Berghaus jacket though. Hope I don't get shot in a case of mistaken identity. I've met you. You don't sound like a pikey, so you should be alright. Perhaps a more subtle approach is required. Infiltrate the charva gangs with undercover agents, who will offer them up to the firing squads, one by one, with tickets being sold for public entertainment purposes. Hell, surely Shepherd would see the business opportunities? Could have public executions at half time at SJP.

Aye. We should get the Army to deal with our own insurgents first. Death squads with orders to shoot first and ask questions later should patrol our streets until all charva scum have been eliminated.

No coincidence that Bowyer left last summer, and now Dyer looks set to follow him out the door too. We're still feeling the effects of Souness' reign.

Freak.

I'd be willing to listen to offers. Doubt we'll hear many coming forward offering more than £5M though (actually, doubt he'd generate even that much,tbh)

I'm dying for a shit, but the plumber gadgee's still here and the water's still turned off, so guess I'm going to have to get the turtle to pop its head back in its shell for a while longer.

Armani? Would be more appropriate (and honest) if she'd just called the little fucker NIKEEEEE.

1. I'm "working from home" this morning 2. This is because my boiler needs fixed - there's a wee man draining it down right now, drinking a cup of my tea and reading the Daily Mail 3. Some office's fire alarm has been going off since about 9.35am and it's now driving me DEMENTED!!! 4. I'm looking out my window and all I can see is all my lovely hot water being pissed away from the overflow pipe (that cost me money that did!) 5. I just want to go back to bed but have a meeting with my manager at 3pm

I always do.

I shall not be celebrating St. George's Day, on account of living in Scotland. It would not be a very wise thing to unfurl a St. George's flag from my window, bearing in mind I live next to the Holyrood parliament, and there's an election campaign going on which will probably see the realisation of the Scottish independence nightmare. No, a low profile is called for.

You know it.

Like she needs a good wash Don't give me such ideas...

Forever Sarah for me. She just looks filthy man.

About 8 years ago...and I was driving my then girlfriend's car to the airport to pick her up, coming back from a business trip abroad. I'd been out on the lash with the boys the night before, had an extremely dodgy curry and went to release a sneaky trouser trumpet only to follow through. Soiled the seat as well as my trousers. Nice. Suffice to say, we didn't last long.

Like Khay, I don't have to be anywhere till 1pm.

I don't know how Catmag has the audacity to claim she's "at work" - she's worse than Gemmill for skiving off. No wonder there's an MRSA crisis in our hospitals. Bloody layabout nurses - always bleating about how little they get paid, and then they spend their whole time on shift surfing the web and ignoring the patients' cries for help. Just heartless, if you ask me.

Laz You may aspire to: But something tells me most weekends you end up with:

Facing away from the wall is generally recommended