GeordieMessiah

Following the problems with Lehmann Bros and in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on Northern Rock, HBOS and Bradford & Bingley in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan. In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived. While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal... ...I'll get my coat.

Just what this debacle needs now...Keegan to return and for us to carry on flailing around like a beached whale in distress until the last day of the season comes along to put a relegation bullet through our head and cart the remains off to some Norwegian whalemeat factory. Don't see how Keegan coming back will do much to inspire confidence in the players now - the damage is done.

Personally, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that once he's sold NUFC to a bunch of mercenary oriental businessmen, Mike Ashley will move his focus to White Hart Lane and buy Spurs. He could then play God with his own team, have a ready made manager in Gus Poyet and DoF in Wise, and we could all go back to regarding Spurs as the perpetual joke they used to be throughout the last decade.

Misplaced loyalty? Or perennial underachiever?

I dunno. Always thinking of yourself. So fucking selfish its almost unbelievable. Pipe down. I love you man. You great big long-nosed horse-faced freak.

I dunno. Always thinking of yourself. So fucking selfish its almost unbelievable.

Excellent.

I kinda like the idea of Ketsbaia as manager, actually. Couldn't imagine he'd take any shite off Wise though.

Nah. He's only ever been on one side: his own. He's just got a bigger axe to grind with Mike Ashley than he has with the Toon Army for shouting him out of the job for doing such a diabolical job when he was here, is all...

Nah, never...

Joe Kinnear seemed certain that a Keegan and Shearer "dream ticket" will be in place as soon as Ashley's sold up. Anyone remember BBC's "Eldorado"? Well, we're about as predictable and clichéd and hysterically, histrionically, stupefyingly ridiculous as that was.

"YOU'VE GOT TO BE JOKIN' 'ERE?!" Joe Kinnear. Jokin' 'ere. Geddit?! On Five Live now btw.

Monkeyheid could be a good choice for us, since we're destined for relegation anyway...so we may as well increase the mackems' mirth and merriment at our expense.

Spot on.

Had George Graham been asked yet? What about Big Ron Atkinson? Lawrie Sanchez? Vinnie Jones? What about Warren Barton? Graham Taylor? Peter Reid? Jim Smith? Keep on scraping the barrel, Dennis...you'll get someone sooner or later.

Police completely failed to get and keep control of that situation, of course...with potentially dire consequences for public safety. I wouldn't mind, but they were both Swedish. Why the fuck did they feel they had to come over here to play chicken on our motorways?

Isn't anyone else thinking that perhaps a Nigerian takeover would be more than just a bit concerning - assuming there actually is a real and viable takeover bid - would we really be happy with that? Given the uncertainty in economic terms at the moment, I can see that Ashley won't be too concerned where he gets his blood money from but I would not be happy with the club being in foreign ownership.

There is a reason for that. What? That everyone who had to endure that is still in group therapy?

Has nobody mentioned Stock, Aitken and Watermelon yet?

Has done a lot of good work for charity. But absolutely fuck all for good taste or musical history. RIP.

Sorry, but that's exactly what went through my head when I read the thread title. Oh, and HF, you want to go see an osteopath. Get your spine re-aligned. Cracking.

I think we're due a shock in terms of who gets relegated this year, and by that I mean a "big" club or possibly two could be destined for the drop...truth is though, at this point, we have absolutely no way of knowing where we'll end up other than it's safe to assume we'll not be in the top half competing for Europe anytime soon without significant investment in the squad, a strong new manager and rebuilding the team's shattered confidence (which will take time). I fear for us if we carry on with the current situation for much longer, I really do.

But you told me you were going round to a mate's ex-girlfriend's house to give her a "large portion* of Toojay sausage"... (*oxymoron)

Oh don't. Just don't. That would just be unbearable. No. No.

Kate Garraway - News: Clicky I'LL FEED ANYTHING THAT MOVES, SAYS GARRAWAY Would you like us to leave the room? TV presenter Kate Garraway last night pledged to pump milk into anything that can suck it. Garraway, who has made a documentary about adopting a baby cow, said she wished every mammal in the world could enjoy a few minutes at her fulsome, bulging nipples. The GMTV star added: "Cows are my heroes. I want to be milked twice a day. "I want to wander in from the fields, get down on all fours, have those big suction cups attached to my udders and then moo gently while they pump the goodness out of me. "And I want my mummy juice to be sold in big plastic bottles with a lovely illustration of me with a dandelion in my mouth." The TV star said her new Garraway Farms brand would offer full-fat milk, a rich, mature cheddar, a range of organic fruit yoghurts and a gooey, brie-like substance. "In the meantime I'm happy to suckle random children up to the age of 16, or anything else you happen to have handy. "Pigs, donkeys or perhaps a thirsty traffic warden with a calcium deficiency."