catmag

Will Smith is now older than Uncle Phil was in the first series of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

Aye, until the bairns were about 2, you freak!

The Bangor joke was used at my cousins wedding at the weekend and while most of us laughed uncontrollably it was more out of shock as we knew the extent of the disapproval in the room Oh and the "Best Man" was a prick, using the line "We all know my brother spends more time with Smudge (the cat) than he does with his fiancee, but then he always has liked a bit of pussy..." Oh dear.

There's just so much wrong with this story that I don't know where to start.

Someone's feeling badly done to! Did she go to bed with a headache or something?

I would expect nothing less

Now charged with 2 counts of rape.

He's way ahead on my scorecard at the minute like.

Ken Barlow now. Always found him creepy. It's all in the eyes...

I'm currently on a train. There's a Chinese man next to me absolutely howling down the phone at someone. There's also a very loud, posh woman a couple of rows back talking overly loudly to "Richarrrrrd dahhhhling" and it's thoroughly annoying. They better all be getting off at the next stop.

Good God, she's scary in every way.

Anything else?

"Do as I say, Michael and start a thread!"

Why don't you just have a nice, quiet drink with your wife? I'm sure both the diamond wedding party and the kids will appreciate that.

Brilliant

The blokes love it!

New specs and sunglasses.

Ghost - Enchanted Bloom Balenciaga - Paris Bvlgari - Omnia They're my posh ones at the moment but I just wear SJP's New York day-to-day which is cheap and cheerful.

What the fuck?!

Oo-er

I know

I'm not sure I'm entirely happy with my name now being a substitute for that word!

I was listening to a mother on the radio the other day. She has a son who had the MMR vaccine and from that day on behaved differently and was subsequently diagnosed with autism. Her stance was an interesting one in that she absolutely does not believe that "MMR causes autism" but through her own experiences and research has come to a tentative conclusion that maybe some children are born pre-disposed to autism and something in the MMR acts as a trigger to that. It doesn't cause it per se, but it sets off a chain of events which leads to the child developing the condition. She went on to have another child and I think that despite everything she had him immunised also and he has, so far, shown no signs of the condition. She was extremely sensible, eloquent, non-hysterical and analytical and it was quite refreshing.

Nah, not for a wedding. I'm going to wear old ones that I bought for another cousins wedding 7 years ago. I've only worn them about 3 times and no-one will remember!

I bought a dress. I draw the line at buying shoes aswell though