catmag

When I was pregnant we decided not to find out what sex the baby was. With me doing anaesthetics at work, I would do caesarians a lot and would randomly text names to Marc when we had new babies to see if he liked the names or not. This particular day the mam and dad had chosen the name 'Charlotte' for their little girl so I just sent a text out of the blue late one night that said "What about Charlotte?" I think he'd had a couple of beers, was watching the footy and obviously didn't have a clue what I was talking about and the text I got in reply said "Do you mean shallots? They're like little onions. Other than that I've no idea what you mean babe..." It just amused me at the time, although it's now completely out of date

My mam and dads cat brought my dad a live frog once and dropped it at dad's feet. He thought it was dead til he bent down to pick it up and it did a giant hop. My dad nearly shit himself

Aww you need a Birthday BJ to cheer you up sweetie Has someone hacked your account Bev? A very belated happy birthday Wacky, you twisted perv

wouldn't mind taking that theory for a test drive Wahey!!! Watch out ladies, to dumb has Rohypnol!

Swear to god, the day I hear him tell anyone that his name is Joa-sef, he's going back!

My 2 year-old has started saying "oh-a deey-uh" in the most mackem way imaginable, despite me being obsessive about how we pronounce things purely so he won't grow up with a mackem twang from his friends at nursery. Looks like I need a word with his Seaham gran

Can I just ask you to please look at this post and help us in any way you can. Whether that is by donating or just spreading the word in your office, school, facebook or twitter. Thank you x http://www.toontastic.net/board/index.php?showtopic=31313

I'm just glad there's a GP tomorrow. It feels like months since the last one.

They're half way there because of you lot. I love you all millions My next task is to post on all the Premiership teams message boards. Best get started....

I'll have you know that 1975 was a bloody great year.

Are you local? Local hell yeah to the big apple baby I'm a new York mag How's the hurricane situation? Well, it's a bit windy Catherine Beans for tea love?

But I'd be over the moon with a Rik Mayal comparison? My voice is like a cross between Morgan Freeman and James Stewart Your voice is just fucking pretentious, middle-class Gosforth Geordie.

Are you local? Local hell yeah to the big apple baby I'm a new York mag How's the hurricane situation?

Even I had a Kevin haircut in the 80's

We'll be taking nothing, thanks Kevin. And if you meant 'talking' then we'll not be doing any of that either.

I wouldn't worry about it, pet.

Aye, i've always heard when you get to a certain age you begin to piss yourself. Have you considered a nappy? I already made that joke Kevin, you don't need to repeat it.

"Lulz" indeed. Pissing myself here. Must be my age.

No sweat to you anyway, babe. Kevin, why are you commenting on a post I made when you were 14 years old?

Thank you

Good news Is it still close to the kids?

A thank you isn't enough to you or anyone who gives anything to a little girl that you don't even know, but I'm truly grateful and I know Michelle will be too. There is also a Facebook page for Ria's Rainbow if people would be good enough to join it

Guys and girls, I need your help. It's a very long story but ultimately we're trying to raise money for my lovely friend Michelle's little girl, Ria. She's 5 years old and was born very prematurely and consequently has cerebral palsy. She can't walk unaided and uses a frame and has numerous other difficulties which she meets head-on every day because she is amazing and inspirational. she has recently been accepted by a professor in the USA to have life-changing surgery which will enable her to walk without her frame, but it costs £50,000. A couple of weeks ago, Ria's step-sister arranged a massive funday and huge charity raffle at the nursery she works at, and this happened.. http://www.bbc.co.uk...hester-14611889 The scumbags stole everything, but since then Michelle has started to get a little bit of attention from the media who were interested in the story and we're all hoping that Ria's story reaches more people because she really is a feisty and gorgeous little girl. So basically I'm trying to do my bit. They've raised just over £20,000 so far but have to raise the other £30K quite quickly otherwise she'll forfeit her 'space' in the queue for the surgery. Can anyone spare a couple of quid that they would otherwise spend on a pint or a fiver that you were going to get a takeaway with? I fully realise that I sound like a Children in Need clip but we're all desperate to help. Michelle and I have been friends for 15 years and I'm in awe of what an amazing mammy she is and I'd love to help them. Ria's website is www.riasrainbow.com There is a paypal button if anyone wishes to help us. And finally, we were down in Manchester a few weeks ago at a charity day for the little lady herself and this is her, and our camera-shy son in the 2nd pic! Thank you

A nice bit of stubble is fine but a proper full beard on a younger bloke just looks wrong and does nowt for me. The only 2 people who suit beards are Briann Blessed and Santa.