Dr Kenneth Noisewater

fivelive commentary team said similar. Other than popping up to score he had a very poor game was their opinion. I'd rather have Parker & Emre.

The journalist should have asked him what he thought about the performances of the back four under Roeder (after a bit of basic coaching as a unit), in comparison to how they played under his, ahem, tutelage.

He didn't really have much of a choice in the end though did he? Liverpool simply weren't willing to pay double what they sold him for a year earlier. So he could sit on the bench at Madrid or swallow his pride and come here. It's almost inevitable he'll be off in the summer Our only chance of keeping him is if he feels he owes us something because he has missed so much of this season. I think this is unlikely however, as he is very single-minded and always makes his decisions on what is best for him and his family. Couple this with the fact that Liverpool are struggling to find a cutting edge and the press shit-stiring, and the writing is on the wall.

Ban him! Quite looking forward to it at the moment, top six on the grid only seperated by about a second. Could be a competitive season. We'll soon find out...

Mine's fine. Occasionaly the picture and sound get out of sync, other than that no probs. Could your probs be anything to do with the weather conditions?

Amen to that, brother.

First two sentences reasonable, second two sticking up for his mate.

I've never heard such acorn-y selection of puns. You lot are clearly conkers.

Saw a bus driver texting whilst driving today.

In the interest of balance, I've seen a bloke using an electric shaver whilst driving. You can see van drivers with an A-Z balanced against the steering wheel, map-reading and driving at the same time fairly regularly. I've even seen someone driving down the motorway at night, with their interior light on, reading a novel whilst driving!

Not to mention the rectus muscles, the conjuctiva...

You can play Ramseys Bingo whilst watching next week. This is what you have to spot for a full house: Taking his top off in front of the camera to change into his whites; Simplifying the menu; A lick of paint about the place; Bigging up the junior chef whilst pouring scorn on the head chef; Calling someone 'Big Boy'; Getting someone to cook for 'important clients' who turn out to be their family. Eyes down...

Thought Rooney would have found 50+ more to his tastes.

He could have got his head on that if he'd had a neck.

Feel sorry for the bloke from the cafe downstairs who's been roped in.

The bloke that's running this one is clueless.

Hope they don't take it out on us.

Going to watch Ramseys Kitchen Nightmares instead of the second half I think.

Was the thread with the Ashley Cole photo in its original and pixelated state superimposed deleated? Wasn't there another photo with him, that DJ and an ex-Newcastle, Nottingham-born midfielder in it?

Don't know much about Huntelaar, but remember how good Kezmans goals/games ratio was in Holland and he flopped in the Prem. I'd take Ashton or Yakubu, but as they are already in the Premiership they would cost a fortune. One Championship player who looks decent and wouldn't cost the earth is David Nugent at Preston.

Neck envy is a serious condition.

Messi's hamstring has gone by the look of it. Larsson coming on.

Probably jealousy, as he hasn't got a neck of his own.

Chelsea look to be going for it: Duff, Robben Cole and Lampard all playing.

from quite a range.