Ayatollah Hermione

Doesn’t he build a massive machine gun in his car to mow down a bunch of Nazis? All after poisoning their leader by, somehow, sneaking poison into a sugar sachet? All while sitting in a diner as a hugely wanted man? It’s literally Alan Partridge’s “luckily, I had the last laugh” in an extreme fashion. The only way you can justify it is if Walt is succumbing to his illness and it’s the last fever dream of a dying man

On the subject of TV finales, Breaking Bad’s is preposterous Unless you subscribe to Norm MacDonald’s theory

The Everton fans making the board change from their original choice to him has got to rank as one of the funniest things to ever happen in this great sport.

Early goal for us would be very welcome. Penalty would be even better

I have arrived, never fear

All sorted here, my lass was 450th in the queue. Obviously, they knew I fancied it and as a holdover from my #BigonTwitter days, I got in early.

Rashford is in obscene form atm, like. Will be a terrible shame once he comes up against the Newcastle United missile shield of a defence

Makes you wonder what he knew

Eddie Howe has so much credit in the bank that I could wake up tomorrow to him telling me he wants me to play in central midfield and I’d follow him into the brink. If he thinks he can turn Gordon into a top quality player, let him crack on. He can just point to Almiron and Joelinton if anyone starts

Dan Ashworth is frantically searching “Who plays for Juventus these days?” as we speak

Good news because we’d need to get Uri Geller to put a picture of his ankle in the Chronicle so we could all rub it for a minute at a set time next week

Let them crack on and we can get this train moving into second place. All aboard if you want to dream again

Chelsea are signing ANOTHER winger so that suggests Ziyech may be available quite soon

Right back in a four or wing-back in a five? I genuinely have no idea but there’s a bit of a difference between the two

I have no idea where this crack about RLC being able to play full-back has come from like. Did he play at wing-back a couple of times before he got, inevitably, injured again?

I can’t get over how they can adopt enough of a mental denial to say that, not only have we been lucky in 22 of our 24 games this season but that luck has somehow extended to everyone else’s results over an entire cup competition and league tournament. But when they go up 6 places in that shit league because of results going their way, they’re the best team in the division and could bloody the noses of any Premier League side

I’m fairly sure we’re not dropping out of the top 4, purely because of how good we are at the back. We’re simply not going to lose many games and if Isak and Wilson get firing together, that’s all we need. Especially if everyone around us begins to become inconsistent. We should be aiming as high as possible, especially considering after tonight, we’ll be level on games with the Manchester clubs and, potentially, one point ahead of them after Saturday. Stay the course, it’ll be a tough half a season but after the League Cup run has concluded, we’re back to only being in one competition while everyone else is juggling three.

Wouldn’t surprise me if Howe thinks Joelinton is a better emergency option as third striker than Wood tbh. That Wednesday miss seems like it was the nail in the coffin. Howe simply does not fuck about And then that frees up a slot for a central midfielder, even if it’s just on loan

Man City fail to beat Spurs and we beat Palsce and we’re up to second. Baby, we’ve got a stew going

Chris Wood off to Forest on loan as per The Athletic so we must have something lined up.

Forest after Wood on loan, apparently. This is not a shite pun. Marcus Thuram out of contract in the summer. Wood out, him in?

Fuck me, he’s still going as far as daft internet Mackems go, he’s up there

Tight one, this

Insane how much rope you’ll give lads who can do step overs

As this is a weekly occurrence, let’s have at it. Ive almost certainly forgot a couple of instances so jog my memory