Ayatollah Hermione

Could easily convince someone it’s one of those preseason Champions Cup Games

This is a telling glimpse of what those proposed Super League games would be like. Flat atmospheres translating to boring matches in front of 85% corporate seats. It’s that shit that it should kill the idea off for good.

The Europa League Final seems to be being played in front of all the Asian Arsenal and Chelsea fans which is making UEFA believe it’s all worth it, I’m sure.

Why should the club say anything just so those dicks have something to print? I like how their official story is "We don't know" but are trying to frame it as there being mass confusion. Quite why football journalists think they deserve to know everything and want to be bigger than the story is beyond me; they have absolutely no concept of their own lack of importance

In the words of super sleuth, Austin Powers, “Shagadelic, Baby!”

Major Major, on the wall, who’s the daftest shite of all?

All sounding positive from various journos now. Proof of funds and terms sent to the Premier League and apparently they’re going through the Fit and Proper Persons test. Who is doing good deals on cans atm?

Aye, I’m really jealous that we didn’t get to go to Wembley and make a laughing stock of ourselves in the capital

Aye, I'm still quietly optimistic that it has legs since these lads don't fuck about when it comes to spending blood money but this press cycle seems like journos scrambling for sources and info on a deal that's being done pretty privately.

Imagine having to sell your best players like Aiden McGeady and...*checks squad list* "Jimmy Dunne"

Spare a thought for this poor bastard who turned up for a medical on today of all days

I refuse to let football journalists piss on my chips. If they have any kind of contacts in the Middle Eastern Oil Industry, I'll be very fucking amazed.

The new big man looks a bit like my mate so I’m even more over the moon.

I’ll do it, I’ve had 6 pints and I’m about to have more.

Better get that blowjob lined up

Nice 6 points for us next year, anyway.

FOOTBALL FACT: Prince William is an Aston Villa fan due to a deep seated love for Frank McAvennie

I hope the first act as owner is to chop Yedlin's feet off.

Looks like Newcastle United will BEHEADING to the top of the Premier League.

GIVE ME THAT SWEET, SWEET BLOOD MONEY

I honestly don't think there's anything more nailed on than him signing for them again. The PR bullshit will be something to behold.

Back to crisps, anyone had those BBQ Baked Crinkly efforts? Absolutely top tier behaviour that are harder to find than rocking horse shit.

Another special relationship forged in the fires of soccer combat.

If I can manage to get piped off before midnight, this will be the best bank holiday weekend I’ve had in about 5 years.

Just at everything posted in the last few pages. Special relationships, mags in the crowd, conspiracy theories about intentional own goals, still framing everything around as at 10 past 11 on a Saturday night. What a crease.