Ayatollah Hermione

Aye, like Phil Thompson is known for being impartial

The tell tale sign of a boring Brummie bellend is the classic "fooking" spelling

Lovely to see that, on top of the disappointment at not winning the league, Liverpool fans have realised that nobody wanted them to win it and have taken it very, very badly

I know, fucking hell taking elite athletes and Shelvey out for an 8 quid pizza

Perez and Rondon both finished with more goals than Mitrovic this season. ARE YOU WATCHING, RAFA?

Nothing wrong with that. Next.

Sounds shite.

To be fair, wedding season means both brother and sister can’t go to the game

Well, we're all going to die but I'm sure you'll be alright in the short term.

I'll do it. What do you want it framed for? Murder? Arson? Tax Fraud? I can manage the lot.

The four sub-sections of minorities: Gays, Blacks, Dwarves and Fatties

And now, apparently he isn't. All this uncertainty is just what they need going into the playoffs.

What's the worst that they'll do? Chuck their hummus at you? Go in full kit and sing about Scott Parker being a dick. Unless you're too soft to pull it off. Can't believe you've bottled it. Tart.

The Don is selling up Getting out before he can get stuck with the stigma of failing by not get promoted. I really hope there's plenty of him being a bad Del Boy ming in the new Netflix series.

These smartly dressed Italians, bursting into changing rooms with briefcases full of money to make us offers we can’t refuse has got to stop

Deaddie Starr, more like.

Why would you pay for tickets when you know the Free Ticket Marras will be around your place of work to hand them out this afternoon?

Mad how we have an all-English Champions League Final and an all-English Europa League final. What's even more mad is that there's an all-English FA Cup final next week as well. A really exciting time for the domestic game, you have to admit.

I've only seen Series 1 but agree that it's excellent. Think I'll queue it up after Line of Duty has finished taking me on the rollercoaster thrill ride of 2019.

It not being funny in the slightest is consistent with his other output, mind.

You’re naive to think that his agent won’t be asking for upwards of 100k after a double figure league season tbh.

I can't tell if this final is going to be 4-0 to either side or some kind of mental 5-5 draw and a 3 hour long penalty shootout.

Not sure it's for me either tbh. Seems like it can't decide if it wants to be a boss rush game or a quasi-open world stealth title. You're encouraged to sneak around areas, landing instant kills but that leaves you woefully underprepared for when the combat actually matters. And in those moments, it feels more like Metal Gear Rising than Dark Souls/Bloodborne considering you're basically waiting for the brief moment where the animations are about to cycle and rushing in with some attacks. Having said that, other than Dark Souls 1, these games have never done much for me so maybe I'm not the best guide.

Sissoko has had a good season tbf but it's basically because he's been given such a restricted role that he can't fuck it up. He just has to pressure the ball, try and pinch and then lay it off to one of the creative players. A very expensive slice of hard-working shite. As evidenced by any time he gets up the pitch and has to finish his dinner or put a decent cross in.

What everyone tells you about combat in this game is wrong. For the mini-bosses, you simply jump around like a tit until their animation finishes, hit them 2 times, jump around some more and then repeat until you get the deathblow. Very intricately designed. Dark Souls it is not.