Dazzler

14 stone of fat mess by the evening of Christmas Day, as my dinner and the alcohol mix to form the most powerful laxative in the universe. The IBS helps too like.

Ooh unfortunately that's incorrect. The answer I was looking for was "more Guinness" but thanks for playing

You got anything for the Guinness shits? My plan went a bit rogue on me.

I'm just waiting for the nod at my office window from the gaffer to indicate that he's fine if I fuck off early. I'm pretty much done work wise - there's no-one else in to give me anything to do. I'm even holding in a piss to the point I can barely contain it just to add some stress and excitement to my day when I inevitably have to lump 15 stone of fat-mess at a world record speed to the bog to avoid the shame and embarrassment of pissing myself at work again.

Howe on the injuries: Botman fine and in contention to start. Schar/Big Joe not too serious after their scans Isak is 50/50 Gordon is sore after that cunt of a tackle and Krafth had to have stitches in his shin after Colwill stamped on him. Also said Hall hasn't hit the criteria required to make his loan permanent but said that he has a part to play in the here and now as well as the long term. Also, non-committal on Phillips coming in Jan - as he normally is on transfers anyway. Sticking with my 8-0 prediction

"Where's my ho, ho ho's at?"

I thought it was down to it being frequented by a bunch of blokes, most of whom will be panic shopping at this moment in time, as they thought the weekend would be a fucking nightmare - whinging about queues, "why aren't these cunts at work?" etc.

Behind The Scenes - Michael Beale's First Day | RTG Sunderland Message Boards (readytogo.net) The mackems don't appreciate a good powerpoint. Won't lie though, some of the comments have tickled me so I am off to have a bath in bleach.

FYP

Seeds - fair enough Quiche - you can get fucked Carrot cake - you can get fucked Carrot juice - Is that a thing? If so, fair enough. Spam - fair enough, but meat in a tin?! Corned Beef?! - you can get fucked. Jungle - What? Nut Burgers - fair enough.

Especially when he had one hand behind his head and the Prittstick in the other hand. Have we considered ghosts?

So they have developed a system that will ensure that the top clubs stay at the top, regardless of their league form - So the ESL is the footballing equivalent of FFP. Yeah, go fuck yourself ESL. The only real way to get into the "star" league is to be one of the current biggest teams in Europe as you'll be invited in. It all feels very American - like the NFL etc, just a pure unadulterated parcel of shit that no one asked for.

Spoken like a man who's never enjoyed a few pints of Stella and suddenly realised his wife talks too much. Shame on you.

Veg shops.

If they show them for free then the sponsorship must be fucking nuts. We'll have ESL strips covered head to toe in logos, players forced to have tattoos of sponsors. and the awful American thing of: "This set piece is brought to by....." every free kick, corner, pen, goal kick etc. Sounds fucking dreadful tbh.

"How did I take a picture using my phone, whilst holding my phone in my hand?" Probably ghosts.

I legitimately preferred Joelinton's Vs Milan too.

Mental health facilities is the only thing that makes sense as an answer to this these days. The faster these cunts are out the door the better. I genuinely don't think it could get worse. The monster raving loony party could get in and it would be an improvement on the current government.

We'd have been nowhere without him, would never have made the CL without him, and would never made the cup final last season without him. I can't think of a single player who has been more important to the club since I started giving a shit about football in around 95/96. I include Shearer in that as well, since I think as important as he was to the club throughout the years, that purchase for the fee and wages at the time is what held us back in future years and meant the new PLC had to start shipping out our best players, whilst Dalgliesh brought in a bunch of cheap, middle aged men as replacements. Trippier is a born winner, and has instilled that mentality throughout the club. He turns up and gives a shit even when he can't contribute, never takes credit, and is quick to hold his own hands up when things go wrong so on top of the stuff above I think he's also been the best leader on and off the pitch (from a player perspective) we've had in my lifetime too.

Sky Sports made way more of a deal of this than was deserved. It's a good goal, but it's not exactly the screamer/greatest goal ever they labelled it as. Standard Gerrard strike from back in the day.

We've already got the turkey, pigs in blankets, sausage stuffing, and the yorkshires. Quite frankly I couldn't give a fuck about the rest of it so will just grab what's left tomorrow night and then sit on my arse drinking through til boxing day - stopping briefly to cook the dinner on the 25th. We have enough for the dinner and the evening left over sarnie already - so I'm feeling pretty relaxed.

Aye, but Jeffery Epstein not being on the list was even more of a shock.