Gemmill

If F1 was anything other than a total snoozefest, I'd maybe contribute something worthwhile to this thread. As things stand............

Permission granted. Apologies that no one was polite enough to grant this permission yesterday.

I only read this thread hoping that someone would have called him "Schumi", so I could take the piss. I'm disappointed that it was you, Meenzer.

Ancient. Just ANCIENT. Happy birthday.

9 has to be lying about this PM from HTT surely. I doubt he'll ignore the results of the poll like. Not unless he truly is the king of the dickheads.

Never mind you're off out, Hayton. It's probably your fault that it broke in the first place. I'm afraid you're gonna have to disappoint the wife and kids and crack on with this this afternoon.

Nice one. Don't know how long it took or how much effort was involved, but it's appreciated. Cheers.

2 on each hand, and it is true what they say about the chinese mouse proportions! Or is that just because you're far away... 196049[/snapback] C-word!

Better than 20/20 is fairly common, I had rediculous eyesight as a child but now it's just very good. It's not like 100%, as the good doctor pointed out, it merely means being able to read from slightly further away than most, should put that on my cv tbh. The girlfriend's also got better than 20/20, it makes her think things are slightly bigger than they are, thankfully. 196045[/snapback] How many fingers am I holding up?

The last time I was with the optometrist he told me "better than 20/20", that was in Ireland, but we seem to use mostly UK systems. 196004[/snapback] Aye he'd have to be Irish to tell you you've got eye sight better than perfect. Have you got fucking binocular eyes or something? X-ray vision?

A weight off my mind, by George Carrick: How many am I allowed in a single day? I have to keep count to drive the pounds away Calorific quantities, now displayed on all food, Fat content, nutrients, hieroglyphics that do no good Why can't I eat what I like, and just enjoy the taste Instead of feeling guilty every mouthful I take, Another notch in on the belt, looking for wasting hips, Trying desperately to reduce that which passes my lips, Jump on the scales, fidgeting forward and back, Knowing they `weigh heavy' and adjust them at the back, Holiday excesses need to be attacked with a will, By denial of `proper' grub, I'm only allowed this swill, Xmas on the horizon, so there's more lumps ahead, And more peering at calorific intake, staying unfed, Oh I give up, I may as well just accept my fate, I'm gonna just buy bigger `claes' and enjoy me bait!

You better not turn up going "me am home. me am drunk." later, spazina!

In the absence of anything better to pass the last half hour with, I propose some Reader's Poems from the Chronicle. I'll start the ball rolling with "I don't like to complain, but...." by Katy: I'm a Geordie lass With a mining past And proud to be that too Brought up on a new estate Built to last from new But now they say, they'll throw away And bring us up to date With new units, fires and baths That now I have, I hate! The bath's too small and far too low It makes my back ache The kitchen cupboards are too high And the handles break The fire is an ornament That's only there for show The only beat it throws out now Is an imaginary glow! A quick sweep of the neighbours Found problems of the same Floods, leaky pipes but Like me they don't complain Well, except for one Who got things done But we won't say her name Who ever said? "Out with the old In with the new" Was having a laugh "You get nothing for nothing" My mam, used to say Give me back my bath!!

I'm out of here at half 4, but still. The next 38 minutes will no doubt seem like an eternity.

Btw, JawD you're self employed ffs. GO HOME!

The clock has most definitely stopped. Not amused in the slightest.

I do the feeling like I'm falling thing if I doze off on the sofa in the afternoon. I like it cos it wakes me up enough to think "YES! I'm going to sleep."

Baldy David Bellamy tbh.

Thats really weird I've twice experienced similar fairly recently, just the feeling i was awake but i could not for the life of me move a muscle. Horrible feeling. 195538[/snapback] I get the same thing every night on the sofa. I love it.

On mature reflection, Scott's shoes have got to be up there somewhere. 195533[/snapback] I told you not to lick them.

Posting paralysis set in.

I very rarely remember my dreams. I was going to say I never have dreams but I knew some dickhead would tell me that I did and just couldn't remember them.

I do alittle. It brings back memories and i am thinking i can smell that rotting dead body again Thats weird though isnt it? That a memory of something can actually make you smell it again. 195491[/snapback] Blatantly just farted.

Your own i presume? 195486[/snapback]

Bile tastes pretty minging when you've spewed and spewed til that's all you've got left.