Smooth Operator

Watched the game last night and when Getafe scored their winner Levy and another director were on camrea laughing in the directors box, bunch of cunts. That Levy looks like a leftover from Auchwitz imo.

My plan is on my last day to delete all the emails from all the inboxes of colleagues I have access to, hide all the keys to the filing cabinets and take a shit in my bosses pedastal. Should have the desired effect.

Word was bound to get out, who told you? Your mother?

What size is that Samsung? Might get one from Fenwicks using their 12 month interest free scheme, works out only 68 quid a month with a 99 quid deposit. Can't remember what the size was like, 37" perhaps. IMO they look shite on the wall.

Started as a kid with Match and Shoot, then progressed onto 90 Minutes, then to 442 and occasionally Goal. Then got bought a subscription to World Soccer one xmas which turned out to be a top drawer publication.

Can anyone come up with anything good to say in my letter of resignation? Not officially got the job i'm up for but it's pretty much in the bag imo. Want to stick it up them a bit cos they were gonna be getting rid of my posts anyway and they are gonna be up shit creek once I go, half the dinosaurs in here can't even switch their pcs on ffs.

It's not hard to see that wonky-cocked goon off, as for me I left under my own accord and was welcomed back with open arms when my secondment came to an end. Think the exact words were, "So glad you are back with us, we'd just about had it up to here (points to the spot on their knee height Wacky reached) with that lazy Byker bamp!"

Cats are shit - fact.

I wasn't there to hide it tbh You were it was just your head didn't get above the desk for anyone to realise you were in! Is that why you got to sit on the captains table for so long, cos you could fit under the desk at groin height without being noticed!

Let your work pile up and up and hide it away from people then when this bloke returns to his job he'll have it all to do, that's what Wacky did when he left my place!

Many happy returns lurkio, assume you sampled the delights of the Amble Inn for a birthday lunch to savour?!

The irony.. Are you still wanting those posts deleted? I was laughing at 'the irony' because he's under the thumb. why the posts deleted ??? .... I don't know. But I can guess. penny drops.... Penny Not Dropped SMO mate, just because I dont think with my fists doesnt mean I dont have a set of testicles I don't think with my fists either mate, plus the at the end of my post was meant to show I was only messing about with you! I did have a chuckle to myself at how you get so emotional! Started to reword the famous song, "I get so emotional baby, everytime he's near wor lass!" Hope it all works out well for you, if you want to ensure it does take me and Wacky along with you on this weekend away and we'll sort the kid out, no violence just a pure, proper piss taking humiliation of the highest order!

Is it too late to recommend that you grow some balls soft lad?

Hamilton could yet be crowned world champ if BMW are disqualified from todays race!

All is not lost lads, just been on the bbc news that BMW are being investigated for fuel irregularities in todays race and as they finished 5th and 6th means if they are disqualified Hamilton will move into 5th and therefore be crowned world champion!!! Here's hoping! Don't know who'd be more pissed of Raikkonen or Alonso.

Bastards theres a 12 month waiting list for the little fuckas! Might have to nip down Pets Corner on Xmas Eve and nick a big un.

One of my favourites if from Italia 90 when a couple of players took videos over of recent horse races to pass the time in the team hotel in between games. The plan being to run a book with all the squad. A couple of them, Gazza was one I'm sure watched the tapes beforehand and obviously knew who to back but Peter Shilton, a big gambler by all accounts, was getting more and more worked up as the evening went on as he backed loser and loser and the others in the know were backing the winners of each race. Anyway by the end of the night they came clean and Shilts and a few others were foaming!

Just rang them about these free laptops, my sister just got one after saying she was going elsewhere. They are saying I can have one if I up my subsciption to £25 a month plus I'll get free evening and weekends calls on the phone thrown in but will have to keep my BT line rental. So it works out the same per month as what i'm on now for seperate phone/internet provision. Only snag is, wor lass want to give the laptop to her fucking brother for Xmas!!!!

Wonder if they'll tell us how Levi "Keith" Roots' 'ot Reggae Reggae sauce is going. Fucking flying I think. I'm sure their selling it in everywhere bar Aldi and Netto. Next time I'm down SMO's plating his lass I'm going to ask for some reggae sauce to go with it, bet there's none in the cupboards You'll not find it in my kitchen if it's at all hot or spicy, you can have some salad cream though to go with it? Netto's own brand.

Are you bumming him at the minute like?

Looked good in that to, hard to make her look bad tbh. Well unless you stood her next to twat_coDurham I suppose!

Anyone got any experience of keeping pigs? Saw this on the BBC website yesterday and thought one of these specially bred mini-pigs would make a good xmas present for the bairn who loves animals. If it's good enough for Jonathan Woss it's good enough for me! They only grow to about a fifth of the size of normal pigs apparently and I've got a huge back garden for it to roam in. Best thing is if i get sick of the swine I can easily slaughter it and live on bacon sarnies for a few months. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/devon/7044897.stm

I'd quite happily iron a few kinks out with her and that landing strip she's sporting Amen to that rude boy!

Size is all relative like. Probably fit in the bairns dolls house tbh.

Your kid buys fruit and veg? He doesn't look the sort. I dread to think what he does with it, probably for that backward lass he's kicking about with. Makes a mean Ham & Pea soup though Reckon he hoys it out of his window at all the immigrants on his estate. Or to tempt the local horses to open up!