trophyshy

Aye. Sunfish, locally known as Mola Mola. Which is, amusingly enough, also the name of a cocktail containing Pimm’s.

Newcastle Signing of the season: Woltemade Top goalscorer: Wissa Most assists: Woltemade Biggest surprise: Park Best Young player: Park Player of the season: Woltemade PL finish: 3rd Trophies? Not this year. League Champions: Chelsea Rest of the top 4: Liverpool, Citeh Bottom 3: Mackems, Burnley, Brentford Top scorer: Isak, obviously. First Manager Sacked: Potter

When the cheese falls from the biscuit, it's good to know you're having soup tomorrow.

Just spent 6 days diving & snorkelling off Gozo. Some great dives round there and lots of life in the sea. We were not so lucky but one of our group saw this weird fucker; Was also reminding my liver just who’s in charge and eating lots of their delicious rabbit. Recommended, but maybe better in Autumn & Spring. Scorchio.

Okay then. Wacky Dutch commentary.

Subtle Dutch commentary.

When he said “love you all” he obviously meant all football fans, irrespective. He’s all heart.

He talks about ‘the fans’ like they’re just generic lubricant, present to massage his ego.

Asteroid plz.

Read somewhere (Athletic I think) that he did, in the end, put a transfer request in. Which allowed the price to come down?

In times gone by, when a pumpkin was out of the question, we would carve up a turnip, or even a swede, to make a lantern. I can still remember the awful smell as the swede burned long into the night. Eyes aglow with despair and regret.

what the fuck name is that anyway?

Isak has double fucked us really. Not only by refusing to play but also by publicly and strategically calling the administration liars / promise breakers. True or not, he will have influenced the minds of potential replacements with his words. Turnip sucking fuckwit.

Do you imagine he cares, feels anything? Serious question.

I’ll be dead by then.

AGAIN?

Again?

Teletext never called you a cunt though.

No VAR for any of these dodgy challenges ffs.

Another unbelievably precise shot like. Hit the same spot. can we just spawn a fucking goal ffs, before this shit beds in?

OSULA MUST RISE.

We need a fucking striker. Yesterday. A pox on all those who made this mess. Cunts.

“I want the World Cup of Soccer trophy. Right there on my desk. It looks like what? Don’t be ridiculous, just get it done or I’ll set Melania on you. And I want that famous statue from the war, that beautiful statue. I want it right behind me. I don’t know what fucking war, THE BIG ONE, just get the fucking statue or you’re fired. And I was thinking over brunch, it’s time for a new hat. Shut up, shut up, don’t talk to me about Gaza, this is more important. I need a new hat with a new message. Quiet. Let me work it out. Okay. I’ve got it. Make me a hat that says I was right about everything. That’s it! Perfect. No one will think that is absolutely cock-fuck-bonkers.”