David Kelly

Fuck knows. It did it again ten minutes later so I had to take the batteries out!

I've never been a big sleeper. When I was a kid on a Saturday morning we would go round me grans when both my parents were at work and then on a Sunday I'd play football. Even in the holidays I was always up around nine at the latest. It's only been when I've been hungover that I've had long sleeps. It was just the quality of the sleep. When I fell asleep at whatever time, I wouldn't wake up until I needed to get up. It was uninterupted and that's what made it good. I was having a decent sleep last night until I was woken by a buzzing at about five this morning. After a few minutes of disorientation I worked out it was coming from my bathroom and it was infact my razor that had just set itself off for no reason. The twat!

Makem Lezza at that!

I was expecting the same as me dad looks like Father Ted and was going well grey in his wedding photos when he was twenty six. Fortunately, while I do have a touch of the Reed Richards going on, at 36 I'm still doing pretty well!

I wish I could say that but unfortunately she kicked me out (without any justification I might add). The extra wanking time is just a happy by product!

After a week of shite being spouted from all quarters it's just exciting to get back to actually playing football again tomorrow! That and it's a long weekend so we can all go out and get fucked up (well those of us without small children to look after ).

Given that their next two games are against teams with absolutely nothing to play for, I cant see why anyone would right them off. Granted our next two games are exactly the same but they're both away and we've only won once away all season and are coming off the back of our worst two home games in living memory!

Sleeping well is the thing I miss the most. When I was a bairn the house alarm (which was right outside me bedroom window) could go off and I wouldn't wake up. Ever since the bairn was born I've never slept all night without being mortal and thats not the same thing really. As a result I feel completely fucked every single morning when I wake up. When I was at school I just sit watching films most nights til about two in the morning and I was fresh as a daisy after a good sleep. Now if I stay up that late I'll be like a zombie in the morning!

Aye I know that feeling like. Splitting up from the wife was the only answer to that one! Unfortunately it has the negative effect of meaning I don't get to see my bairn every day!

Be watching it in the local with a load of drink and maybe even a nose full if things go particularly good. Or bad!

You've stopped doing this why?

Absolutely sickening. Hope he gets arse raped in prison for the rest of his days!

About time too. Another good episode.

Well if they have been doing these awful things they've been accused of then they shouldn't get away with it just becuase they've entertained people in the past. Some of them may well be wako's and it's innocent until proven guilty but anyone who's committed crimes like these deserve to be punished.

Saw the first episode of that round me parents the other week. Looked like the most predictable boring shite I expect from BBC1 or ITV.

Unfortunately Citeh is the cup final so it's not going to help us in the league! They're away to West Brom and Home to Swansea (neither of which really have anything to play for now) on Saturday and Tuesday. If they lose those games we're basically safe. Should they win them both I know I'll be shitting myself!

TBF he's had a whole of season to put things right and he's been completely unable to do it. I'm glad Ashley has stuck with him because up until this season he has done well for us and therefore earned the time to get it right. Whether we are relegated now or not, he failled spectacularly because the players he has at his disposal should be more than capable of finishing in the top half of the league but can't get a team out of them. I think sacking him now would cause more problems than it would solve but we should be looking to change in the summer. My worry is that Ashley has stuck with him for the wrong reasons and if this is the case, then there must be a fair chance he won't be moved on in the summer regardless of which division we're in!

Unbelievable how Pardew handed them the initiative from the start with that ridiculous team he put out. You're playing a team who are sulking because they have just lost their best player for ten games and you start with two defensive midfielders and only one attacker. It was a pathetic lineup that the players obviously had no faith in which resulted in the worst performance I've ever witnessed. We have better players than any other team in the bottom half yet we don't look remotely like a team. There was plenty of things that Pardew deserved credit for last season but this season he has fucked it up big style. He earned the time to have an opportunity to put things right but he's failed spectacularly. I'm afraid we need to replace him in the summer. Hopefully we're still a premiership team by then!

I just doesn't bother me in the slightest tbh. I can't remember a single occasion when I've ever turned down a shag (other than if the offer came from someone who wasn't the person I was seeing at the time) so a bit of blood isn't going to stop me. I mean, I've got a washing machine!

We were talking about this last night and one of the lads wont touch his lass when she's on and another said it was the best time for a shag (I think it's because he struggles to get a bird wet usually like). Personally I quite happy to do it as long as she doesn't expect me to go down on her!

I wear that Paul Smith one mostly too although I've got D&G that I tend to wear more when I'm going out. I find I need it more for relief after shaving than the smell (although I'm obviously not just going to wear any stinking shite). If I don't use it after shaving I find that the next shave I have fucking knacks.

He definitely went in to hard and recklessly but I don't think he went into it trying to injure him. He just didn't care whether he did or not.

Who was joking?

It was over strong but I don't think he had the intent to hurt him. Mind you, how could you ever prove intent with something like that. With Suarez, no one could claim he accidently bit him (even with those teeth). The FA will never want to look at any tackle unless the officials say they didn't see it because tackling is part of the game. Biting clearly isn't.

Is it Friday night already?