David Kelly

I'm not a roman mum, I'm a kike, a yid, a heebie, a hook-nose, I'm kosher mum, I'm a Red Sea pedestrian, and proud of it!

Not as much as I used to. Probably about five nights a week if I'm honest but apart from a Friday and Saturday it's usually a couple of cans or glasses of wine. I can't stand a hangover when I have to get up with the bairn though.

Jesus H. bald-headed Christ

tbf "Edwina's insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase. " "Do these blow up into funny shapes?" "Not unless you think round is funny." 173604[/snapback] Get in number one! Ain't that a sad sight, Daddy, the man walks in the prison a white man, walks out talkin' like a fuckin' nigger. You know what, I think it's all that black semen been pumped up your ass so far, now it's backed into your fuckin brain, and it's coming out your mouth!

You... you bungled it. You and your stupid attempt to buy it. Kemedov found out how valuable it was, no wonder we had such an easy time stealing it. You... you imbecile. You stupid fat-head you Happy you should be hearing this one any day now if you keep watching those Bogart flicks.

If I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away

I've been trying to figure something in my head, and maybe you can help me out, yeah? When a person is insane, as you clearly are, do you know that you're insane? Maybe you're just sitting around, reading "Guns and Ammo", masturbating in your own feces, do you just stop and go, "Wow! It is amazing how fucking crazy I really am!"? Yeah. Do you guys do that?

Look at me, jerking off in the shower... This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here

Henry Hill: You're a pistol, you're really funny. You're really funny. Tommy DeVito: What do you mean I'm funny? Henry Hill: It's funny, you know. It's a good story, it's funny, you're a funny guy. [laughs] Tommy DeVito: what do you mean, you mean the way I talk? What? Henry Hill: It's just, you know. You're just funny, it's... funny, the way you tell the story and everything. Tommy DeVito: [it becomes quiet] Funny how? What's funny about it? Anthony Stabile: Tommy no, You got it all wrong. Tommy DeVito: Oh, oh, Anthony. He's a big boy, he knows what he said. What did ya say? Funny how? Henry Hill: Jus... Tommy DeVito: What? Henry Hill: Just... ya know... you're funny. Tommy DeVito: You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny? Henry Hill: Just... you know, how you tell the story, what? Tommy DeVito: No, no, I don't know, you said it. How do I know? You said I'm funny. How the fuck am I funny, what the fuck is so funny about me? Tell me, tell me what's funny! Henry Hill: [long pause] Get the fuck out of here, Tommy! Tommy DeVito: [everyone laughs] Ya motherfucker! I almost had him, I almost had him. Ya stuttering prick ya. Frankie, was he shaking? I wonder about you sometimes, Henry. You may fold under questioning.

Yeah but without the delivery it doesn't come accross as good so I left it out.

Fenster: Man, I had a finger up my asshole tonight. Hockney: Is it Friday already? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fenster: I don't know anything about no fuckin? truck. Cop: Oh, yeah? Well, your friend McManus told us a different story altogether. Fenster: Oh, is that the one about the hooker with the dysentery? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cop: I can put you in Queens on the night of the hijacking. Hockney: Really? I live in Queens, did you put that together yourself, Einstein? Got a team of monkeys working around the clock on this? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cop: What are you saying? Fenster: I said he'll flip you. Cop: He'll what? Fenster: Flip you. Flip ya for real. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [in interrogation room] cop: You know what happens if you do another turn in the joint? Hockney: Fuck your father in the shower and then have a snack? Are you going to charge me dickhead?

You want to know who you are? Huh? Huh? You don't, I do, everyone does... you're the son of a thousand fathers, all bastards like you

Tom Reagan: All in all not a bad guy - if looks, brains and personality don't count. Verna: You better hope they don't.

It's showing on sky at the moment isn't it? I'll have to give it a watch.

As usual he offers no quotes on this though!

Little Bill Daggett: Well, sir, are a cowardly son of a bitch! You just shot an unarmed man! Bill Munny: He should have armed himself if he was goin' to decorate his saloon with my friend.

You stupid fucking cunt. You, Williamson, I'm talking to you, shithead. You just cost me $6,000. Six thousand dollars, and one Cadillac. That's right. What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it, asshole? You're fucking shit. Where did you learn your trade, you stupid fucking cunt, you idiot? Who ever told you that you could work with men? Oh, I'm gonna have your job, shithead

I wouldn't liken him to Lua Lua that much tbh. He seems a pacy very direct striker as oppose to a circus clown. I'm not that convinced about him either, I would much prefer Kuyt but at this stage I'd be happy to see either of them here.

But we started getting linked with him well before they signed Crespo so there must have been some feeling that he wasn't a nailed down starter there.

You think hasn't made up his mind? I think if they were both on the table, right now, for a certain price he'd know. I assumed his sudden willingness to talk a little bit about players contracted to other clubs was mind games, much as I think the whole process is. We're not willing to buy Kuyt for £10-14m, and neither are 2 other well run clubs in the Premiership. He wants to come to the Premiership and a waiting game is being played. Gol says we bid for Gudjohnsen, so he'd have had full pre-season, as would Duff if we weren't back ridiculously early. Obviuously in an ideal world all 5/6 would be in before pre-season, but we can't let on that that's important, and we can't be held over a barrel. EDIT: Don't forget the window works both ways, the selling club can be left with an unhappy striker and no cash, and we can always go elsewhere (another reason to say you haven't decided yet!) Roeder mentioned this week that the players he was looking at would be integrated within 2 or 3 days, because they're not off in the Bahamas, they're in training with their current clubs. When there was no window, players regularly joined clubs mid-season, let's not overstate the importance of pre-season at their new club, highly beneficial, yes, but not crucial. I fear I'm becoming Leazes in his absence. 173303[/snapback] Integrating them fitness wise shouldn't be a problem but we all know players (especially ones bought from overseas) regularly fail to settle at a new club immediately. Giving them a full or near full pre season with friendly games is the best way to counter act this.

I think with Kuyt it's more of a re-emergance. How wasn't Martins available earlier in the summer? Inter will have had plans in place and he either was or wasn't part of them. Signing Crespo won't have changed that. There is no reason why we couldn't have made an enquiry about him earlier if we were in fact interested.

The bairn wakes me between half five and half six every morning (I try to stay in bed until half six which is the time I need to get up so that I can drop the missus off in the town and then the bairn off at her grans before getting to work for half eight) after waking me up numerous times through the night. After picking the bairn and wor lass up after work it's anywhere between half six and half seven before we get in. I'm fucking exhausted and have nearly fell asleep at the wheel on a few occasions in the morning after dropping my little darling off. I usually like to watch a film in bed after the missus falls asleep on a night but at the moment I'm struggling to stay awake much past half ten which is why it's taking me an age to watch V For Vendetta at the moment

I was trying to think of some from the Big Lebowski because when I'm watching it I agree they're all so quotable. But I couldn't think of a single one off the top of my head. Mike Myers in So I Married An Axe Murderer (easily his best film) What the Fuck!

Songs Ohia: Magnolia Electric Co.

We're in the midst of another Newcastle fiasco tbh. If only me and Renton can recognise that fact, then so be it. Soz and that, but I've always been upbeat in the past, but I just think we're once again going about things the wrong way here. 173194[/snapback] I do still think we will bring in some players and at least one will be a striker but I totally agree that we have completly fucked up the way we have gone about doing it to the degree that we are now dangerously close to panic stations (if we aren't there already). The point of preseason is to prepare for the coming season. How can you do this when you still don't have a team put together?