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Like I said in another thread, went to a talk in with Rob Lee a few weeks ago and he randomly mentioned that Pardew was a cunt of man to work for.

Can I also go on record as saying whoever is keeping Gina Yashere in the world of entertainment needs shot with shit. I'm still waiting for her to say something funny.

Calling for Shane Warne to come back just stinks of desperation. Yes, he's quality, but when was the last time he played competitive cricket? Dig up Bradman while you're at it.

Friday morning was the coldest I've ever felt, that was the morning it was -12 and the Metro's went off cos the overhead cables were frozen. It's allegendly going to be a very exotic 4 or 5 degrees on Thursday and Friday..get the shorts out!

Ah christ not again..

The problem is, if the reaction of other managers and players to this is anything to go by, then the only kind of people looking at this job are those who are desperate. Like an Alan Pardew for example.

I'm a short arse which meant my keeper skills were never destined for anything over than 5-a-side when I hit my teens. One of my best mates is also a keeper and whilst he's one of the best shot stoppers I've ever seen he can't actually catch. Seriously, can't catch a ball to save his life.

I've mentioned this before, but we had the best Subbuteo pitch for miles around. My dad was class at it so he glued the pitch to a big piece of ply or something rather than just ironing it and trying to find a flat surface. We used to have a massive dads and lads tournaments at our house, glory days.

Oh yeah of course, but will it have been luck rather than judgement? ie was Jol actually lined up or is this just a lucky coincidence? If it is indeed Jol he would have been sounded out through Kelmsley or some other Spud wheeler dealer. ..and if I was Ajax I'd be doing us for tapping him up.

I like the way they show most of the grounds at night..and not in the basking 40C heat..

Oh yeah of course, but will it have been luck rather than judgement? ie was Jol actually lined up or is this just a lucky coincidence?

I get random texts every other week saying 'Alreet, I'm so and so's mate and he says you play in goal.' My Mrs says I should start charging for whoring myself out. Haha its cause your a rare breed, no-one else wants to stand still for a full match and have people constantly blasting the ball at their nads from 5 yards lol! I've got legs like a heroin addict mate. I once broke my finger a minute into a game and played the rest just thinking I'd bruised it (clean sheet as well). Took my glove off at the end and it was pointing the wrong way, still doesn't bend properly. Also played with concussion after being hit in the head at point blank range which in turn jerked my head back onto the post.

Is your number on footymates? No word of a lie I think I've rang you. Nah, not me. Disco Stu does not advertise.

Yup. And the reason so many of us are fucked off is because he'll probably be replaced by someone no better than him.

I get random texts every other week saying 'Alreet, I'm so and so's mate and he says you play in goal.' My Mrs says I should start charging for whoring myself out.

Doesn't take any shit basically..which some people like and some people don't. Can be a picky twat when he's in a bad mood as well. Closest I've got to feeling his wraith is when he gave a goal against me which was a blatant head high that dipped in. I wasn't happy and as he turned away to give the goal I volleyed the ball at him and it missed his head by inches, which is thankfully why I play in goal..

Hey, this could be a perfectly thought out plan. But history errs on the side of is it fuck.

When I played for the tosser team he once sent 3 of our lads off just before the final whistle. To be fair they deserved it. I know of one team of aresholes from the league who refuse to be reffed by him and they actually had to move everyone's fixtures round so they would be on a different pitch to him.

The way I see it they got rid of Keegan for not doing as he was told (signing players he hadn't seen) and they've got rid of Hughton for not doing as he's told (appointing Beardo number 2). Allegedly Beardsley didn't want the number 2 job as he thought Hughton wouldn't last long anyway so he'd be tarred with the same brush. I think you're right though in that neither toed the line so that is unltimately why they 'had' to go. They want a fucking utopian manager that lot. One that's cheap, will deliver them the title, do everything they say and turn ordinary, cheap players into world superstars still only paying them pittance whilst keeping them happy. Fucking hell man, they need to wake up. Yup, I don't know whether it's arrogance or naivity but it appears that they truly do believe that we can become a force in the PL on the cheap. No one is saying or demanding we spunk millions on players, but if we don't invest then we can't compete and it'll soon reflect on our league status. You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.

You get some quality footballers in 5-a-side leagues like. My mate plays at Westgate one night and there is a lad playing who's an ex-Serbian international allegendly, he runs the show apparently.

How times have changed. The lads I played with were all rough building site types, I love them to bits even though they're like 48+ now, and they used to take the piss out of teams who wore shinpads We always find the older lads harder to play against than the young uns. Lads who've played together for years are so well organised and know exactly how to play it. We're starting to get a bit like that now we're all in our 30's, we're not brilliantly technically but we're well organised and we tend to always beat young uns who might be excellent footballers and pacey but are shite as a unit.

I used to play for a team at the rec when I was 16-21, called Youngs. There was four divisions on a Thursday night we were always in the first all our team were mid 30s (crack was brilliant), and the standard was the best I've ever played in. There was a ref called Trevor, is he still there (?). He got sacked but reinstated after he broke a players nose who happened to be a male model for calling him a tool he was a right twat though this Trevor. I used to play in that league, about 5 years ago. I played with some right tossers like. We went from the 4th to the 1st in successive seasons but then when we got to the 1st it was full of older guys who'd played together for years who just fucking owned the division. We got a couple of whippings and the tossers from my team didn't like the fact they were out of their depth and started getting mysterious long term injuries so we pulled out. Me and another lad from the team moved to another night with some lads we knew and that core team has stayed. Trevor is still there and even though he can be a right tosser he tends to be alreet in the main. Doesn't take any shite and books people whinging and persistant fouling, which is something a lot of refs won't do.

We've been laughing the last couple of years at some of the young uns who've started teams. You can tell they are the Sky generation, diving around trying to win free kicks, kicking the ball away to waste time, holding onto the ball when the give away a free kick then tossing it away casually like they're Rooney or something..it's fucking hilarious..

Parking is free after 6pm in the majority of car parks in toon now. I have to say as much as we have run ins with them now and again, the standard of refereeing is excellent in Eldon. I never really noticed it until I started playing in other leagues and saw how bad it was. I think with any 5/6 a side league it all depends on the standard of opposition. If you're getting stuffed every week then it's no fun, if you're stuffing everyone then it's no fun, and if you're getting the shit kicked out of you by knackers every week then it's no fun. Need to find the right balance.

A 'yes' man or one of Ashley's mates will get it. Jol? I'd be surprised, it'll either be given to Pedro or Pardew. If by some chance Jol was to get it (and I like Jol for what it's worth) I don't think it would last long or end well because he'd probably stand up for himself.