Monkeys Fist

Pardew told our Lads they could watch Big Stan on the coach home if we won. Game over

Howay, you're slacking.

I was 6 storeys up with soapy hands,man!

Can you get done for drink driving on one of those things, because this bloke was absolutely wrecked?

My Aunt is a Villa fan, her best mate is Vic Crowe's widow, so we always have a bit banter whenever I see her. What I don't mention is how I think her club is like football herpes. But that's what being a good nephew is all about.

That's a lot of kids. Buy blobs.

Guess who's getting blamed tomorrow.

Wait until she hears your new theme tune

A pint,judging by the shape of the pizzas

Congratulations Chez When's it due?

Someone told JFK to get a marquee signing, he turned up with this

Since the demise of Leazes, someone needs to keep the Leftwing Fannies in check

Never mind all that- I was going to watch Big Stan tonight, is it any good, or should I not bother?

Saw something that was pure comedy today- at about 10am I was halfway down a building on Gallowgate when I heard it kicking off on the street below. Two old chavs , probably mid 40s , pissed as rats and battling. Only thing is, one's in a mobility scooter, wearing a hi viz tshirt and pork pie "ska" hat . aye The one on his feet launched a few wild slaps which completely failed to connect , ran/staggered off down the street, to be pursued by the drunk driver in the spaz chariot. He , more through luck , managed to knock the bloke over, and when the bloke pulled himself back to his feet , Joey Deacon launched into him with some punches so bad they made Di Canio's shot last night look accurate. One of them , however, connected and laid the bloke out, whereupon the Wheeled Destroyer u-turns on the path and weaves off towards Eldon Square, zig zagging like mad. The defeated pisshead lay groaning theatrically for a minute, then, when he realised no one was going to help him, he spent two minutes comically attempting to get to his feet, and eventually staggered off in the other direction. There was about 10 office workers having a fag over the road who also witnessed it, and at the end they were doubled over in fits of laughter. Mental.

He's on verbal laxatives

I think he called your pint a puff. (This is how I imagine Fish when someone brings him a coffee at work, IN THE WRONG MUG!!!)

No I haven't.

Chill oot man Tubs. There there there.