Monkeys Fist

I walked in on the Mrs. banging her personal trainer last night. I said “ I’m leaving, this just isn’t working out”

His version of Gertcha by popular Cockernee Beat combo Chas and Dave is one for the ages.

For @Meenzer, here’s former Basil Brush sideman Roy North doing his interpretation of Tenpole Tudor’s masterpiece. Mint.

It’s because the infection rate is Dublin. I thangew.

My lad asked if chickens like music… “ Yes son, they like Classical music” ” Really Dad, who’s their favourite composer?” ” Bach Bach Bach Bach Bach”

I rang the tinnitus helpline last night but they were no help, they didn’t even answer- it just kept ringing.

Life left him at least 30 years ago, the zombie looking fucker.

There’s no need to feel down.

I went out this afternoon for a couple of beers with a mate- we went to the Free Trade, where you had to wait to be seated by a staff member, who to took contact details, and then it was table service. They’d made changes inside the bar, mainly to do with the toilet arrangements, ( only 1 person in the bogs at a time), and I felt 100% that they did everything possible to negate the risk of catching/ spreading the Lurgy. Because we were sat outside, we left after it became Baltic, and went to Brinkburn taproom. No sign- in, no measures other than “wear a mask when you go for a piss”, all indoors. We didn’t stay.

Ritson and his Dad/trainer live about 300 yards from my previous house. Nice family.

Man?

I don’t really get why the Torygraph continue with him- he obviously hates us, so let him write about his beloved Leyton Orient and give the NE job to someone who wants it.

Manure’s 12th man is in our dugout too.

“ Can we play them every week…” ( I hope ).

This week or last week?

What week time is kick off?

Carl- “ Look pet, there’s a furry blowjob stool on sale at Aldi!” Mrs. Carl- “ Oh, nice,I’m just about to go to Aldi’s now “ Carl - “ “ Later… Mrs. Carl- “ Hi pet, I’m home. I got you something!” Carl- * pants off, sexy time! Mrs. Carl - “ Look, some beetroot crisps!” Carl-

And from the same household…

Thanks @VaaniM, where should I send my bank details?

Everything has a point

That was Venom- South Shields’ finest purveyors of Black Metal. edit; found it. Tbf, it sounds like a pack of cunts acting the cunt to a cunt.

Apt that our two wankers-in-chief are called Johnson and Cummings then.

This is the kind of negative karma that blocks my chakras with unhappy Chi. Luckily, I have a Himalayan Pink Salt crystal rammed deep in my fundament, and it’s holistically cleansing my prana energy centres of toxins. Where’s my Pinot Grigio?