Monkeys Fist

Fist Jnr. saw two of them, and laughed his cock off, the little bastard.

Five dollah is cheap for childcare mind. Long time.

What are they called?

Met loads of “ex-paras” in my former line of work, my usual response to the 99% who were bullshitting was to ask how it felt to be able to walk again. The only bloke I knew who actually was in the regiment rarely spoke about it, and only then once he’d got to know you- really chilled bloke, super nice, but I saw him get angry once, very briefly, and it was scary as fuck. I met him in 1986 just after I’d left school and was working at an outdoor centre with him. He mentioned once that he’d served in Ireland and the Falklands, which, at the time, I didn’t realise the significance of, but later realised he’d seen some very nasty stuff.

He was a bit puzzled when I started dragging my arsehole across the floor after I’d had a shite.

I don’t mind a bit of roughhousing. If we can get a pup, at least my daughter will be able to grow used to it as it turns in to Dog Hulk. This whole thing is doing my head in tbh- given the choice, I wouldn’t have a mutt, full stop. But, it seems that’s not an issue… I’m tempted to just go out and get a mental parrot or something just to feel the beautiful schadenfreude as Mrs. F. gives it “ I never agreed to getting a parrot/friutbat/fucking raccoon, whatever. “

Isn’t that the status quo for Twitter ?

So, the mutt, the Mackem mutt, turned out to be a fucking radge. Bit me three times, and was generally slightly unhinged. Long story short, he’s been relegated back to League 1 and we cut our “trial period” short. I’m a bit gutted tbh, as when he wasn’t being a fucking canine terrorist he was lovely, but ultimately me and the Mrs. didn’t feel like we could trust it not to go full Mackem at some point in the future. We’re probably going to try and find a pup of a Westie/Staffie cocktail if possible, without having take out a second fucking mortgage. ( I’d be happy to fuck the whole idea off, but if “compromise” has to be made, I’m having some lines in the sand drawn regarding breed, and spaniels can fuck right off- they’re mental and they fucking honk [paging @Dr Gloomand his Mrs ]. Mrs. F. is gradually realising that I actually know what I’m on about regarding mutts, but still won’t cave to a proper Staffy… yet.) I’m going to pop in to Benton dog shelter and, at the very least, register my interest … in a Staffy .

Equally disgraceful is that a significant portion of our population clearly don’t give a fuck. I’m alright Jack, so fuck you… until it happens to them, which it will.

Gandafted YP

Sorry you’re having to go through that shit, mate. Even though we’re all well aware that this was (one of) the true motives for Brexit, you’d have thought they might have had the decency to wait a year or so before dry-fucking us. But then, you’d need to explain the concept of decency to them.

Aye, good luck separating the melted plastic remnants of his shorts from the remnants of his arse.

Speaking of absolute weapons, this had just ridden past me. Shorts, clown bike, face guard up on his lid. I hope he crashes.

Fygyp

Please God let that be a wig.

Oh, I don’t know about that mind- she gets an extra digit when he fingerblasts her later.

Speaking of Gandaft’s recycling credentials, here he shows us that his top new product, Wolf Jerky, is, in fact, just Smiths Square Crisps that have been burnt to fuck. Bogging

Nice to see Willy the Tramp is an environmentalist though, as he’s recycled two of his Wolf Jerky team and reused them in Wolf Data Team. ( the guy above left is below right, and above 2nd left is far left below, with added proto-tramp chin garnish in the above)

The bloke next to him looks like he’s getting a whiff of it, too. #ratpiss #standingoutsideshops #heronfoods

Like it rough, do you Renty

That last one could be interpreted two ways, both nasty.

Have you seen my gaff, like?

Pfft, as if live on an estate, Tapas Boy. I wasn’t trying to be funny btw, I just thought it quite a weird little fact that Presuming Ed worked for NUFC later.

Wasn’t sure where to put this, so I’ll bang it in here- Eddie Tagoe, who played Presuming Ed in Withnail and I… … gave up acting in 1995 after parts in various movies like Raiders of the Lost Ark, and The Wall, and went back to his original career as a reflexologist for… … NUFC. I guess he thought “It is the most shattering experience of a young man's life when one morning he awakes and quite reasonably says to himself "I will never play the Dane."

Labour club’s open, innit? 😉