Monkeys Fist

I love this movie. “How much you wanna make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains?... Yeah...”

When my daughter was a wee toddler, still in nappies, a mate’s mutt went for her (thankfully didn’t harm her), and thereafter she would go rigid if she saw a dog within 50ft of her. She’d cross the street rather than walk past one in a garden, genuinely terrified. Mrs. F’s sister got a little shit-machine when Annie was aged about 7, and she was, as ever, petrified of it, but through slowly spending time with it she’s now happy to take him for walks. Still very wary of other mutts, but not paralysed by fear. I’ve told her that if, at any point, she feels unhappy about the incoming shithouse, to let me know and that’ll be that, but she’s pretty relaxed about the whole thing.

Sounds like the shittest Western ever. The Mild Bunch

I’ve always found Mr. Sheen to be far superior to Pledge, so for that reason, ( and the fact I’m not living in Cloud CuckooLand), I’m out.

Wait for it…

Same over here mate, it’s a shame because Staffys really are such lovely little bastards- I’ll fight any cunt that says otherwise.

Having taken myself off to the man-cave in the huff ( see the General Random Conversation thread), I’m now blasting a bit of Stevie Ray. Found this on YouTube, a sound check… by fuck, he could play a filthy sound.

Just to add, the reason she gave for vetoing Staffys is that “they look too much like you”- meaning squat, stocky and punched-in, with minimal hair. And yet, here we are, getting a fucking mentally unstable, ginger fucking lunatic that likes chewing socks.… … I daren’t tell her what Spaniel’s Lugs is a euphemism for.

So… having thought I’d dodged a bullet when Coco turned out to be stolen, according to her chip, we’ve now been “offered” her brother. By “offered”, I mean we’re picking the hairy little cunt up tomorrow for a “two week trial” i.e. until the little twat pops his stinking clogs. Obviously, it’s another fucking spaniel, the one , sole, breed I specifically said I wanted nowt to do with once I realised we were getting a mutt whether I liked it or not. This particular little shithouse is called Pip, so I’ll be Pip’s Pops picking up Pip’s Poops. Fuck right off I’ve decided that my only option now is to go full-on enthusiast and demand a second dog, but make sure it’s a Staffy, just so I can annoy Mrs. F. as much as this has annoyed me - the breed she specifically vetoed was Staffy’s, even though they’re superb family pets, short-haired, don’t shed, aren’t mental ( look up Rage Syndrome and Cockers!). Hopefully it’ll also terrorise this little Mackem shithouse FML MKII

Paul Ritter, fantastic actor ( he’s the Dad in Friday Night Dinner -one of the best comic characters on TV in years), deed at 54.

I’m now picturing you and Mrs. Gloom as a pair of angry geese. I have had ales.

Like a bit of woodwork, do you?

SMB’d YP

Sounds like a nice ketchup.

Drove past this hair salon in Sunniside earlier, I wonder if they realise

Better with a Norwegian Blue tbh.

#heronfoods. You missed one

So they told you- pizza smegiano

That’s Kamagra for you…

How can pizzas cook in a vacuum? I’ve never seen it with my own eyes.

Pizza was invented in a clinic in Wuhan. WAKE UP SHEEPLE!

Who knew Quiff was Bearded Billy Storey?

As if essembee was there.

Put it on, sparingly and cut very thinly, straight after it comes out of the oven. Amazing.