Andrew Flintoff

Me mother's in talks apparently. She's just called me. £12m fee and £50k pw.

Ten MILLION pounds?! EXCESS of ten MILLION pounds?! Fuck me, this is the WOW signing (I shamelessly stole that gag off smoggeordie like)

The player got the wrong plane apparently. Can't be helped eh, looks like it'll be later tonight. Excited!

OMG OMG OMG OMG It's gonna be Pele isn't it. Jesus I'm shivering with excitement. Can't wait. Heading over to SJP now to get "Very Happy 6" on my shirt. Howay the lads SMB etc

He can cunt off, arsehole. Hopefully we sign someone with an end product.

Just noticed this one like. Fucking hell man Scariest line-up I've ever seen. Three strikers, two attacking midfielders/strikers, and a left-winger and LB. Kerrrrrrrrrrrrrazy

He's gone very quiet like.

Good idea, mate.

Owen, Harper on longer terms. Butt and the Duke another year I'd say. Shola and Cacapa not really arsed. As for those two a year later, Beye defo, Geremi probably not.

er... yes he did I did NOT say it was sung fully. I said it always starts with "I went to Blaydon Races". You claimed you'd never heard that sung, I said you must never have been to a game in that case. Comprende?

Get fucked What are yee smoking?

Fact. It ALWAYS starts with "I went to Blaydon Races..." I can't believe anyone is arguing otherwise?!

Whos this 'we' you speak of? Cos never in my history of going to the match have i heard the song sung from beginning to end Do you never go to games like? If you have never heard that, I can only assume you have never been to a match.

No - it starts with... I went to Blaydon Races, Twas on the 9th of June Eighteen hundred and sixty two on a summers afternoon We took the bus from Balbras, she was heaven laden The next line is wrong, it should be "Away we went alang Collingwood Street, that's on the road to Blaydon" - we sing "Gannin alang the Scotswood Road, to see the Blaydon Races".

If Smith's fit he should play, these are the types of game he should be playing to try and get his confidence back. Smith is NOT a bad player, Leeds and Man Utd will confirm that. He just needs his confidence back.

The best I've heard is "Oh, Coloccini - his perm touches the ceiling" to Lionel Richie's 'Dancing on the Ceiling'. Classic

Losing their man is par for the course for an NUFC defender I can't recall him having any Titus moments though.

Back onto the topic btw, Senderos is not particularly good and I would be disappointed if we signed him.

Nicky Butt didn't acknowledge magnificent support for a woeful performance. Steven Taylor walks around a half empty stadium giving it the full Maximus Decimus Meridius even when the team have been booed off. Both equally pathetic. I'd rather the fuckin second than the first. How is it pathetic ffs? He acknowledges the support of the fans even when the team have been shite? I'd rather he did that than shy off down the tunnel like some of his counterparts.

I was, on the whole, having a dig at those who whinge about him going to the away end after games, and I didn't say he was exempt from criticism but he gets slagged off when it's undeserved. You say he's had as many fuckups as Titus, name me the last time he completely airkicked a clearance or played the ball directly to another attacker's feet for a goal? In fact, name me all the times when he has been completely at fault for a goal? I'm not saying he's some sort of Bobby Moore but he's been stable at the back for us at a time when everyone else has been absolutely abhorrent. There's far more players who deserve comments such as "as good as Kevin Scott" (no need for the sarcastic comment on "googling" him either), "useless" and "learnt bollock all" ahead of Taylor - and how does anyone know he "believes his own hype"? When did he ever come out and say "I'm fucking mint, me"?

why? Crowd congestion Well i dont think so mate, plenty of people will be in the ground before 2 to get free pint, and i can only see a minority paying on the day...i forsee no problems tbh Whilst I don't think there'll be crowd congestion, I don't expect there to be many people falling for the free pint scam either.. Not really a scam, just an effort to make sure that the entry of home fans into the ground is more sporadic instead of last minute...

The stick Taylor gets is embarassing. When Nicky Butt fucked off down the tunnel in 2004 after we were humped in Cardiff, people wanted to kill him. Steven Taylor does the complete opposite, and people want to castrate him. Our fans are as fickle as fuck, and there's no denying it - I'm ashamed of some of them, although I sense the ones who complain about Taylor chucking his shirt into the away end aren't the ones who've spent good hard earned money getting down there and standing in it.

You lot need to get onto the SMB for a look. The mong levels are through the roof, it's fantastic. Here's a nice example: "This is our chance, the fuckers up the road blew their chance. Lets hope we dont blow owers (not Gary). And lets make sure we dont turn into a bunch of delusional tossers like them, always remember what its like when times are not so good. And remind the bastards every time we can, how they fucked up, and rub their fucking noses in it. Did I tell anyone I have a ticket for the derby match at the landfill (not on sale I know but already sorted), Hi Biffo, Pauly, Sima and the rest of you fuckers, I cant wait. FTM, but with respect. You know it makes sense"

Mine's arrived