What mood are you in and why?

[Ayatollah Hermione 17238]

I’m a bit late but sorry, TP. That’s absolutely awful. As MF said, make sure you always have one eye on him. I’m sure you will like 

[Craig 12377]

On 11/10/2025 at 11:52, Renton said:

I genuinely don't  fear death that much. I massively fear disabilities and the death of loved ones though, and the loss of a child is clearly the worst thing that can happen. Very sorry for all those who it has happened to, including my Mum.

This entirely. 

When I was at uni two of my mates hooked up and are still together 30 years later. Their youngest who was 14 went to sleep on Boxing Day last year and never woke up - massive heart attack overnight, no warning signs - he lived a normal healthy life. 

Understandably it has ripped them apart and their life is now one of wretched sadness and absolutely consumed with fund-raising in memory of him. 

[Renton 27780]

23 minutes ago, Craig said:

This entirely. 

When I was at uni two of my mates hooked up and are still together 30 years later. Their youngest who was 14 went to sleep on Boxing Day last year and never woke up - massive heart attack overnight, no warning signs - he lived a normal healthy life. 

Understandably it has ripped them apart and their life is now one of wretched sadness and absolutely consumed with fund-raising in memory of him. 

 

I just cant imagine anytging that terrible happening. Then you see Gaza etc and see ut happening in the most terrible way to hundreds of families daily.

I imagine it must put your relationship under terrible strain, Im nit sure mine would survive it.

 

[Dr Gloom 26340]

31 minutes ago, Craig said:

This entirely. 

When I was at uni two of my mates hooked up and are still together 30 years later. Their youngest who was 14 went to sleep on Boxing Day last year and never woke up - massive heart attack overnight, no warning signs - he lived a normal healthy life. 

Understandably it has ripped them apart and their life is now one of wretched sadness and absolutely consumed with fund-raising in memory of him. 

 

it's absolutely brutal. my best friend lost his six year old daughter after an operation went wrong about this time last year. things are just as bad for them now as they were in the immediate aftermath of her death. they've had to retreat from trying to do 'normal' things because everything is a reminder of how their lives will never be normal again. just seeing friends go about their lives is enough to remind them of what they have lost. i don't know how you ever get over that. 

[Craig 12377]

You must definitely lose an element of purpose if your child is no longer around - particularly when it's so sudden. He has an older sister so they do still have focus, but they impact on them all is incomprehensible. 

I haven't seen either of them since we left uni so my memories of them are being carefree and permanently happy. Just fucking tragic, man.

[Dr Gloom 26340]

yeah - a life-breaker

[Monkeys Fist 50730]

Was going to post this in Yes Gemmill, but this thread felt more appropriate. 
 

Baroness Newlove , Victim’s Commissioner. 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c3dn394z90ro

The reason I’m posting is this bit, from Lammy. 
“Her leadership shaped the Victims' Code, strengthened victims' voices in the criminal justice system, and ensured that the Victims and Prisoners Act progressed with victims' interests at its heart.“

 

Not in my experience it hasn’t. 
 

I had a phone call from the Parole board victim liaison on Monday, telling me that the cunt who killed my brother had has hearing adjourned until next year. 
Fair enough. 
I then had a chat with her, covering various things, and mostly her answer was

” I’m not allowed to tell you that”

Because of his “rights”. 
 

I wasn’t asking deeply personal stuff, either, pretty basic questions. 
She was, to her credit, extremely apologetic and wasn’t shy In expressing her frustration at how little she can do. 

It’ll probably help if I summarise what’s gone on recently-

Boyo has been moved down through the prisons from Cat B where he did most of his time, to Cat D , which is open prison, in preparation for release. 
He’s done something since then, while in Cat D which has resulted in him being put back in high security. 

Thing is, I’m not allowed to know what it is he’s done, just that he’s been put back. 
 

Some examples, in my experience, of how the Victims and Prisoners Act hasn’t  progressed with victims' interests at its heart are…

I’ve asked what his behaviour has been over the course of his sentence- again, basic stuff like has he kept his nose clean or not, any violent incidents, drug free. 
Stuff you’d want to know about a bloke who went armed with 2 kitchen knives and a meat cleaver, and used all three. 
 

Not allowed to know. 
 

We were told we could prepare impact statements about how his actions have affected our family, to be read out at the parole meetings. Which, firstly, was a pretty tough thing to do, digging up all the emotional impact of his murder, when it happened and how it’s impacted us since. 

But, I did one.
Helping my mam do hers was incredibly hard, she was a stoic woman, but she fell to bits when we sat down to write it. 

But, we thought it’s worth doing so that he’s aware of what he did, both to my brother and to us. 
 

Only to then find out that he has the option of not having to hear them being read out, which I believe he took. 
 

One of the conditions of release is him staying away from us- an exclusion zone, fairly large tbh, was agreed, based on my Mam’s home and mine. 
I asked if I could see a recent photo of him, so that I’d recognise him if he broke the zone conditions, a fairly obvious and reasonable request I thought.
I saw him briefly at court, 17 years ago, and I’d imagine his appearance has changed quite a bit since then- he was in his mid twenties so now in his forties, and I can’t imagine prison life has left him at his best. 
 

Nope. 
 

My only option for that, is to attend a parole hearing ( remotely, at their Shields office), so taking time off work, when I’d be able to see him on screen. 
But, he’d be told I was “in attendance” and has the option not to attend. 
ffs. 
 

Victims interests by big, hairy, arse. 
 

 

Rant over, gan radge. 

 

[RobinRobin 14502]

Sorry, MF.  This keeps being dragged up for you and your family and each time, as usual, his rights seem to take precedence.  I am all for serving his sentence (which was probably completely insufficient, but that's another issue) and rehabilitation, but given he clearly hasn't been completely rehabilitated because of the upgrade back to high security, I don't understand why he is even getting a parole hearing.  Certainly, your requests are entirely reasonable and it beggars belief that they are, essentially, being ignored.

[Monkeys Fist 50730]

Cheers man. 
 

I went a little bit off there above, the main point I was trying to make is that if they think Victim rights have taken the lead over prisoner rights, they’re welcome to put a bid in for the bridge I’m selling ( once the council have finished repairing it). 
 

The more extreme cases, unsurprisingly, seem to lead the calls for this, and I’m fully behind those involved getting their views aired and heard, but the absolute basics, which I hope I highlighted above, are still very much weighted towards the offender. 
As direct family of his victim, and therefore victims of his crime ourselves, we have been kept in the dark about the most simple, reasonable, requests for information. 
 

It boils my piss tbh. 
 

I will reiterate, the poor lass who’s job it is to tell me I can know fuck-all, is clearly hugely frustrated by the whole thing. 
 

One thing I asked was , would we be told where he was living once he’s released, more specifically, if he came back to the North East. 
 

She said we aren’t allowed to be told, but that offenders like him ( murderers), have to go to a 24hr supervision halfway house first, and that they almost invariably then live in that area. 
 

She then said, “ You can ask me if there are any 24hr hallway houses up here…”

I did, and she could barely wait for me to finish before she said, “No there aren’t ” 

 

Good lass 

[Andrew 7469]

Good on her but as you say, its a pisstake that good people have to game the system in order to give victims of horrible crimes a bit of peace.

[Monkeys Fist 50730]

It is , and it very clearly bothers her an awful lot. 
 

 

Anyway, RiP to the dead Tory Baroness bird, I suppose 

[Gemmill 63185]

You should send all that to your MP, and ask her to make sure Lammy sees it. It won't do owt, but at least he'll have heard it. Maybe take out the bits that might drop the lass in it.

 

If your MP is same as mine (Emma Foody), she seems really good and is very active/responsive. 

[Monkeys Fist 50730]

Not a bad idea. 
Catherine McKinnell is my MP. 
 

 

 

[Gemmill 63185]

18 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Not a bad idea. 
Catherine McKinnell is my MP. 
 

 

 

 

She was my old MP before I moved. Another one that seems genuinely engaged so might be worth a go. 

 

It won't change anything I'm sure, but they should hear feedback from people actually impacted by these systems that they claim are working well. 

[Craig 12377]

Shite all round MF. The amount of 'human rights' these cunts have is absolute bollocks - they waived them the moment they chose to take a knife to someone IMO. 

Nowt you're asking for is unreasonable and more importantly, you're justifying the request for each factor. 

As an aside that lass who's been you 'point' - she can have absolutely no job satisifaction, like. I can't imagine you're the only one asking reasonable questions that she's not permitted to answer. 

Agree with Gemmill - write to your MP and cite all this victim's commissioner. In the wake of her death, it's probably the best opportunity to get this heard properly.

[wykikitoon 28536]

Gutted to hear this MF and hopefully you get something from your MP.

 

On a tangent, I was watching the docu on Lucy Letby.  She has a new Barrister (who seems an utter smug cunt) and that's been dragged up.  Something high profile like this must be fucking torture for the parents of them poor bairns. 

[Toonpack 15589]

5 years today since Dan chose to leave us, fucking shit time, shouldn't be and is not really any worse than any other day for me, except that the Mrs gets all het up as it's an "anniversary", why the fuck some clicking on of a calendar makes a difference I'll never know !!!!

 

What her state does do though is bring it all back to me, I fucking found him and I'd rather remember him as as I do every other day of the year thank you very much. Just not that day.

 

Fucking hate it 😳

Edited November 13 by Toonpack

[Renton 27780]

15 minutes ago, Toonpack said:

5 years today since Dan chose to leave us, fucking shit time, shouldn't be and is not really any worse than any other day for me, except that the Mrs gets all het up as it's an "anniversary", why the fuck some clicking on of a calendar makes a difference I'll never know !!!!

 

What her state does do though is bring it all back to me, I fucking found him and I'd rather remember him as as I do every other day of the year thank you very much. Just not that day.

 

Fucking hate it 😳

 

Really sorry to hear that, I completely get your point. I don't do anniversaries either, I just get random attacks of poignancy about the sad events in my life, nothing which touch yours. But yeah, some people are into official anniversaries and you've got to respect that whilst wanting no part of it. 

[Gemmill 63185]

20 minutes ago, Toonpack said:

5 years today since Dan chose to leave us, fucking shit time, shouldn't be and is not really any worse than any other day for me, except that the Mrs gets all het up as it's an "anniversary", why the fuck some clicking on of a calendar makes a difference I'll never know !!!!

 

What her state does do though is bring it all back to me, I fucking found him and I'd rather remember him as as I do every other day of the year thank you very much. Just not that day.

 

Fucking hate it 😳

 

Fucking hell man, sorry to hear what a difficult time it is for you and your wife. I know the feelings will never really pass, but I at least hope these heightened feelings you're dealing with at the minute pass quickly. 

[Craig 12377]

Tough one this as everyone has their own coping strategies for dealing with it. Some want to leave it in the past; others want to celebrate it. Neither are wrong - the right thing to do is understand what does/doesn't help each other and do what you can to support but not at the detriment of yourself. 

Sorry to hear this mate - hope you're doing OK.

[Renton 27780]

I'm as low as I can be. You'll recall I took a huge pay cut to move jobs. Been a disaster and because I had genuinely thought this would be a stepping stone that hasnt materialised, I am now well and truly in the financial shit. I don't think there is much I can do this side of Christmas but the guilt I feel for putting my family in this situation is crippling me.

 

Then last week something completely out of my control and potentially disastrous happened. I can't go into it on here, but it is potentially truly life changing. 

 

And to top that off our pet guinea pig passed yesterday. We knew she was on the way out, she just went to the corner of her cage and went to sleep, with the other two snuggled into her. I swear they knew. D1 devastated,  spent the whole evening stroking her with dead pig on her lap. Honestly, I know it's only a rodent but fuck me it's sad. Why I never want pets personally.

 

So aye, when it rains etc. Now got pretty much permanent anxiety and insomnia. This will probably lead to depression (the grind of anxiety does this). And last time that happened, uh oh. At least I'm aware I guess and can do my best to manage it, keep keeping off the drink etc. I know things will get better (except one thing I need to cope with),  but life is tough at the moment. Seriously dreading Xmas.

[Craig 12377]

Really sorry to hear this, Renton. As we always say in these moments, you know where we all are so definitely talk these things through. Wise call to stay off the pop - I'm almost 5 months in now and whilst situations still upset me, I'm able to deal with them much better. 

We've got your back, mate.

[Gemmill 63185]

Fucking hell Rents, sorry to hear your news. Your job stuff is fixable, I'm sure, and you're not daft, you made the move for what you thought were the right reasons at the time. You can't feel guilty for things subsequently outside of your control changing. 

 

Re guinea pigs, they're funny little animals. When my lass moved in here, she came with 3 guinea pigs. She was PROPERLY into these things, has had them her whole life, and they came with this huge habitat that had to be cleaned out every day. It was like having fucking horses except these things pissed and shit more. And I've never had a higher grocery bill - all fresh veg and tons of the stuff.

 

They all had their own personalities and would interact with my cats and stuff, who thankfully didn't want to kill them. 

 

When one of them had to be put to sleep (cancer), she brought it back so the other two knew what was going on and they walked around it cleaning its feet and grooming it. It was fucking heartbreaking. When the next one went and there was only one left, the other one gave up and stopped eating. We got a loaner from the North East Guinea Pig rescue to see if a bit of company would help, but nothing doing and it eventually had to be put to sleep cos it was just deteriorating.

 

Anyway, people see them as disposable kids' pets but they're class little animals really. Sorry to hear you've lost one and that the kids are cut up about it. 

[Renton 27780]

22 minutes ago, Gemmill said:

Fucking hell Rents, sorry to hear your news. Your job stuff is fixable, I'm sure, and you're not daft, you made the move for what you thought were the right reasons at the time. You can't feel guilty for things subsequently outside of your control changing. 

 

Re guinea pigs, they're funny little animals. When my lass moved in here, she came with 3 guinea pigs. She was PROPERLY into these things, has had them her whole life, and they came with this huge habitat that had to be cleaned out every day. It was like having fucking horses except these things pissed and shit more. And I've never had a higher grocery bill - all fresh veg and tons of the stuff.

 

They all had their own personalities and would interact with my cats and stuff, who thankfully didn't want to kill them. 

 

When one of them had to be put to sleep (cancer), she brought it back so the other two knew what was going on and they walked around it cleaning its feet and grooming it. It was fucking heartbreaking. When the next one went and there was only one left, the other one gave up and stopped eating. We got a loaner from the North East Guinea Pig rescue to see if a bit of company would help, but nothing doing and it eventually had to be put to sleep cos it was just deteriorating.

 

Anyway, people see them as disposable kids' pets but they're class little animals really. Sorry to hear you've lost one and that the kids are cut up about it. 

 

You've described guinea pigs perfectly. Their social animals with personalities. Mrs Rents does all the cleaning which cumulatively is an insane amount of time. I get the benefit of their company next to my work desk. I mentioned before about the "guinea pig cycle", it's cruel for them to live alone. We'll probably keep in this until the kids have left home, 5 to 8 years. Despite the food and vets bills. Love the little fuckers and mildly ashamed of my pharmacologist pass when I went through these daily.

 

Anyway, job front, your right I hope although my age now worries me. Ageism is definitely a thing. Problem is, to break into this organisation I accepted a role I am way over qualified for. I find I get on really well with the leaders 2 or more places above me, but I am having massive issues with immediate superiors about doing things above my level. My line manager in particular is an issue. 

 

Now probably as a result of Streeting there are just no opportunities at all to progress through official channels. In 6 months Ive had 3 applications and 2 interviews, neither of which I got (with no real clue on feedback other than the competition was exceptional, with >120 applications per job).

 

So my last chance is to doorstop senior staff directly, some of whom I know. Can they manufacture something? Probably not. But if/when I go back to Pharma or consultancy, my world view is very much changed. Will just try to make as much money as possible for them by extracting as much as possible from the NHS, and hioe for a cut. Ive learnt the hard way too that these arm length bodies aren't really in the game to improve things for the tax payers, their primary goal is self perpetuation. Don't think this was always the case but here we are.

Edited November 13 by Renton

[RobinRobin 14502]

Fucking hell. Sorry to hear everyone's issues today. However some really good advice as well.

Just a reminder that while we mock each other mercilessly on a daily basis, we always have your back. 👍