Tdansmith 3260 Posted October 22, 2024 Share Posted October 22, 2024 A homeless guy is travelling down a country lane, tired and hungry. He comes across a pub called ‘George and the Dragon’. Although it’s late and the pub is closed, he knocks on the door. The innkeeper’s wife sticks her head out a window. “Could I have some food?”, he asks. The woman glances at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition and sternly says, “No!” “Any chance of a pint of ale then?” “No!”, she says again. “Could I at least sleep in your barn?” “No!” By this time, she was clearly getting very annoyed. The down and out says, “Okay then might I please…?” “What now?”, the woman interrupts impatiently. “… might I please have a word with George?” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 12970 Posted October 23, 2024 Share Posted October 23, 2024 On 22/10/2024 at 11:18, Tdansmith said: A homeless guy is travelling down a country lane, tired and hungry. He comes across a pub called ‘George and the Dragon’. Although it’s late and the pub is closed, he knocks on the door. The innkeeper’s wife sticks her head out a window. “Could I have some food?”, he asks. The woman glances at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition and sternly says, “No!” “Any chance of a pint of ale then?” “No!”, she says again. “Could I at least sleep in your barn?” “No!” By this time, she was clearly getting very annoyed. The down and out says, “Okay then might I please…?” “What now?”, the woman interrupts impatiently. “… might I please have a word with George?” Expand 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 12176 Posted October 23, 2024 Share Posted October 23, 2024 The opposite of formaldehyde is casualdejekyll Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 46498 Posted October 23, 2024 Share Posted October 23, 2024 On 23/10/2024 at 19:33, Toonpack said: The opposite of formaldehyde is casualdejekyll Expand 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 12970 Posted October 24, 2024 Share Posted October 24, 2024 On 23/10/2024 at 22:51, Monkeys Fist said: Expand 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 12970 Posted October 24, 2024 Share Posted October 24, 2024 On 23/10/2024 at 19:33, Toonpack said: The opposite of formaldehyde is casualdejekyll Expand 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 46498 Posted October 28, 2024 Share Posted October 28, 2024 Just realised my Dictionary has swapped the meanings of entomology and etymology. I can't find the words to describe how much it’s bugged me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzler 12682 Posted October 28, 2024 Share Posted October 28, 2024 On 28/10/2024 at 12:28, Monkeys Fist said: Just realised my Dictionary has swapped the meanings of entomology and etymology. I can't find the words to describe how much it’s bugged me. Expand 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tdansmith 3260 Posted October 28, 2024 Share Posted October 28, 2024 A mackem lass goes to the dole office to register for child benefit “How many children?” asks the welfare officer. “Ten” replies the mackem. “Ten?” says the welfare worker. “What are their names?” “Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden and Brayden” she says. “Doesn’t that get confusing?” “Naah…” says the mackem lass, “It’s great because if they’re out playing in the street I just have to shout ‘Brayden yer dinner’s ready!’ or ‘Brayden go to bed now!’ and they all do it” “What if you want to speak to one individually?” says the curious welfare worker. “That’s easy,” says the mackem lass.... “I just use their surnames.” 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Carr's Gloves 4386 Posted October 28, 2024 Share Posted October 28, 2024 On 28/10/2024 at 15:10, Tdansmith said: A mackem lass goes to the dole office to register for child benefit “How many children?” asks the welfare officer. “Ten” replies the mackem. “Ten?” says the welfare worker. “What are their names?” “Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden and Brayden” she says. “Doesn’t that get confusing?” “Naah…” says the mackem lass, “It’s great because if they’re out playing in the street I just have to shout ‘Brayden yer dinner’s ready!’ or ‘Brayden go to bed now!’ and they all do it” “What if you want to speak to one individually?” says the curious welfare worker. “That’s easy,” says the mackem lass.... “I just use their surnames.” Expand 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 12970 Posted October 29, 2024 Share Posted October 29, 2024 On 28/10/2024 at 12:28, Monkeys Fist said: Just realised my Dictionary has swapped the meanings of entomology and etymology. I can't find the words to describe how much it’s bugged me. Expand 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 11431 Posted October 30, 2024 Share Posted October 30, 2024 On 28/10/2024 at 15:10, Tdansmith said: A mackem lass goes to the dole office to register for child benefit “How many children?” asks the welfare officer. “Ten” replies the mackem. “Ten?” says the welfare worker. “What are their names?” “Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden, Brayden and Brayden” she says. “Doesn’t that get confusing?” “Naah…” says the mackem lass, “It’s great because if they’re out playing in the street I just have to shout ‘Brayden yer dinner’s ready!’ or ‘Brayden go to bed now!’ and they all do it” “What if you want to speak to one individually?” says the curious welfare worker. “That’s easy,” says the mackem lass.... “I just use their surnames.” Expand 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 12176 Posted November 7, 2024 Share Posted November 7, 2024 Just bought a book on the Atkins Diet, 50p at a carb oot sale 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 46498 Posted November 7, 2024 Share Posted November 7, 2024 On 07/11/2024 at 16:07, Toonpack said: Just bought a book on the Atkins Diet, 50p at a carb oot sale Expand 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 52692 Posted November 7, 2024 Share Posted November 7, 2024 On 07/11/2024 at 16:07, Toonpack said: Just bought a book on the Atkins Diet, 50p at a car boot sale Expand Fixed your typo. Hope you enjoy the book, you fat cunt. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 11431 Posted November 7, 2024 Share Posted November 7, 2024 On 07/11/2024 at 16:07, Toonpack said: Just bought a book on the Atkins Diet, 50p at a carb oot sale Expand Didn't CT stick to that for six days and seven nights? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 12176 Posted November 7, 2024 Share Posted November 7, 2024 On 07/11/2024 at 16:21, Gemmill said: Fixed your typo. Hope you enjoy the book, you fat cunt. Expand I didn't really by a book Gemmill, it was a joke 🙄 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 11431 Posted November 7, 2024 Share Posted November 7, 2024 On 07/11/2024 at 17:10, Toonpack said: I didn't really by a book Gemmill, it was a joke 🙄 Expand I think we're in danger of crossing over into dodgy territory there. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 12970 Posted November 8, 2024 Share Posted November 8, 2024 On 07/11/2024 at 16:07, Toonpack said: Just bought a book on the Atkins Diet, 50p at a carb oot sale Expand 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tdansmith 3260 Posted November 11, 2024 Share Posted November 11, 2024 My friend resigned from his job at BMW yesterday. As is traditional he gave no indication he was leaving. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 12970 Posted November 12, 2024 Share Posted November 12, 2024 How can you tell the most popular man in the nudist colony? He's the one with a cup of coffee in each hand and carrying 12 doughnuts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 12176 Posted November 12, 2024 Share Posted November 12, 2024 On 12/11/2024 at 02:38, RobinRobin said: How can you tell the most popular man in the nudist colony? He's the one with a cup of coffee in each hand and carrying 12 doughnuts. Expand Or polo mints in Gemmills case. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 52692 Posted November 12, 2024 Share Posted November 12, 2024 On 12/11/2024 at 06:57, Toonpack said: Or pirelli tyres in Gemmills case. Expand 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 12176 Posted November 12, 2024 Share Posted November 12, 2024 Hot wheels scale ? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 23794 Posted November 13, 2024 Share Posted November 13, 2024 How do you stop moles digging up your garden? Take away their spades 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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