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The make up a joke thread


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A woman walks into a hairdressers and asks for a short back and sides...The hairdresser says, " oh, surely not, you have lovely blonde, long curly locks" and the woman replies, "Oh , I know, now just give me a short back and sides, before I punch you right in the fanny bone."

 

 

It's a shit joke like if it's a joke at all but I don't care as it's a made up joke thread. :icon_lol:

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Little boy: ' Hi Mum I'm home from school.

 

Mum: That's nice dear, did you have a good day.

 

Little boy: Yeah.

 

Mum: Good.

 

Little boy: What's for tea Mum.

 

Mum: I'm doing you some beans on toast.

 

Little boy: Yummy , my favourite.

 

Mum: yes it is your favourite isn't it.

 

Little boy: Yes Mum, I love it.

 

Mum: Beans are good for you.

 

Little boy: I know Mum.

 

 

That's it. :razz:

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I genuingly don't get this one :D

 

Meenzer is probably refering to the "fin" meaning "clean"..

Fin doesnt really mean clean in that sense of the word though, more like "nice" so niceland more like.

The way you lot describe something mint as "clean" doesnt have a scandinavian counterpart ( afaik)

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Meenzer is probably refering to the "fin" meaning "clean"..

Fin doesnt really mean clean in that sense of the word though, more like "nice" so niceland more like.

The way you lot describe something mint as "clean" doesnt have a scandinavian counterpart ( afaik)

 

Nah, it's just because "fin-" and "clean-" sound similar (except they don't really, which is why the joke is so great).

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  • 3 weeks later...

Two brothers out fishing near a toxic river and one says, 'hey Billy, I hope we don't get poisoned by the fish we catch."........Billy looks at

Phil and says, " nah man, we will be fine as if this river was really poisoned, the fish would die."

 

Billy accepts this explanation and he happily casts his line out and soon enough starts pulling in some really big fish. 'wow' said Billy,'look how many fish I've caught Phil'..and Phil says, ' great stuff Billy, now let's go home and have our Mam cook them for our tea.'

 

They both happily skip home and proudly show their parents their massive catch and immediately all the family can't wait for them to be cooked so they can have fish and chips with mushy peas and two slices of Warburtons expensive bread each.

 

Not long after, there was a shout from the kitchen. 'come and get your lovely cooked fish everyone, I've used goldenfry batter on them , now all sit at the table.'

 

Billy, Phil, Jemima, Alice and uncle Bob, plus Mam and Dad, all sit down and tuck in.

'MMMMMMMMMMMM this is delicious said uncle Bob, it's so tasty and yummy'...everyone agreed and they all ate it up as if they were starving Ethiopians in a small village somewhere in Ethiopia that nobody had ever heard of and so never got any food supplies to them and had to live off the land which was barren.

 

They all finished their meals and licked their plates clean and sat back all content......until..... Uncle Bob holds his stomach and says, " oh no, I feel really ill"...then he drops down dead.

Mum and Dad also drop down dead.... and minutes later Jemima and Alice both drop down dead.

 

Billy and Phil look at each other in shock, just waiting for the inevitable to happen and sit staring in shock for 3 days solid without moving.

After the 3 days, Billy says, " Phil...I feel ok, how do you feel?" and Phil says, " I feel fine but this place stinks of dead bodies, yet how come we are still alive and we ate the same fish?"

 

Billy looks at Phil and says, " how the fuck do I know you stupid little bastard, I'm not a doctor you know, I'm just a kid and if you ask me that again I'll smash your face in."

 

Phil jumps up and says, " howay then you little bullying bastard, I'll have yer out now," but Billy backs down and pumps with fear.

2 years later, they both manage to rebuild their lives after that shocking day .... they still didn't know how they survived eating the fish, so they decide to see Renton who is a scientist and asked him how they survived... but Renton just said they were both thick and beat the pair of them up and left them for dead and ran away laughing, thinking it was funny to beat up two kids who poisoned their entire family with toxic fish and who were clearly traumatized by the whole incident.

 

They then woke up in hospital after both being in coma's for 32 years.

After a years rehabilitation, they try and find out how they were alive while their family all died, so they went to see 'The Fish' off here and asked him how they survived when their family all perished.

 

The Fish was in a particularly bad mood and told them to fuck off of they will get what Renton gave them, as Renton had confided in 'The Fish' what he had done.

 

Billy and Phil got a bit pissed off with being talked to like they were kids...even though they once were, before their coma's, so they jumped on 'The Fish', beat him up and ate him.

 

twenty minutes later,Billy and Phil were dead, they had been poisoned because 'The Fish' had just came back from swimming in a toxic river.

 

If anything can come of this, it's .....don't eat Fish from toxic rivers, I suppose. :naughty:

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Guest CabayeAye

I found a young homeless girl hidden out by the bins last night. She was dirty and didn't smell too good but, underneath the grime, I could see she was pretty and had a good body.

I brought her inside and gave her a bath. As I was towelling off her naked body, I became aroused and one thing led to another. Before I knew it, I was making passionate love to her. I was banging her so hard that a couple of times you'd have sworn she was alive.

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  • 2 weeks later...

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