catmag 336 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 To take the stress out of the festive season for all you bah humbuggers To take the backache out of wrapping presents in the middle of the floor, set up the ironing board (that's the thing your missus uses to get your clothes nice and flat) and use it as a table. Voila! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 4005 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 Buy one of those proper sellotape holders like you used to have in school. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 39200 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 To take the stress out of the festive season for all you bah humbuggers To take the backache out of wrapping presents in the middle of the floor, set up the ironing board (that's the thing your missus uses to get your clothes nice and flat) and use it as a table. Voila! Get the missus to do it when she's finished the ironing - voila! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catmag 336 Posted December 18, 2013 Author Share Posted December 18, 2013 Get the missus to do it when she's finished the ironing - voila! Don't make her wrap her own present! That really doesn't go down to well as my ex-husband found out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 39200 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 Present? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 9270 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 Beuller? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Park Life 71 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 Ferris. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Park Life 71 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 Mrs P does all the wrapping. I can't wrap...There's always bit sticking out and rumpled paper everywhere and me with bits of sellotape on me back... I replicate the performance which scares her off for a couple of years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 9270 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 One of the best things about having a missus is doing something hamfistedly until they explode and insist on doing it themselves because "You're doing it wrong". The schmucks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 9270 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 Cigars are fucking cool and you should know this by now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Carr's Gloves 3284 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 Don't make her wrap her own present! That really doesn't go down to well as my ex-husband found out But did he go down well?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Carr's Gloves 3284 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 Buy your wife completely crap presents which neither fit her, suit her or anything she likes. She will then just go out and buy her own presents and give you them to wrap / put in a present bag. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tooj 17 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 To take the stress out of the festive season for all you bah humbuggers To take the backache out of wrapping presents in the middle of the floor, set up the ironing board (that's the thing your missus uses to get your clothes nice and flat) and use it as a table. Voila! My mam's doing all of mine for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catmag 336 Posted December 18, 2013 Author Share Posted December 18, 2013 But did he go down well?? Why do all of your responses to my posts sound either stalker'ish, creepy or lairy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26871 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 And that last one was all three. I believe it's his attempt at flirting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Face 29 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 Amazon gift wrap whatever you order...and deliver to the recipient. Why's anyone bothering with ironing boards, selotaped backs, mams and acting out an imitation of ineptitude? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Carr's Gloves 3284 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 Why do all of your responses to my posts sound either stalker'ish, creepy or lairy? Oh christ they do don't they! Sorry Cath I will check them now. That one was just on a plate though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 9270 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 Oh christ they do don't they! Sorry Cath I will check them now. That one was just on a plate though. Pervert. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Park Life 71 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 Amazon gift wrap whatever you order...and deliver to the recipient. Why's anyone bothering with ironing boards, selotaped backs, mams and acting out an imitation of ineptitude? Cause little one armed kids in vietnam are doing their wrapping bro. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catmag 336 Posted December 18, 2013 Author Share Posted December 18, 2013 Cause little one armed kids in vietnam are doing their wrapping bro. Punctuation!! I've got visions of kids with guns now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Park Life 71 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 Punctuation!! I've got visions of kids with guns now I've probably over reached with my agent orange reference in an effort to make Nicos feel bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 9270 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 Cause little one armed kids in vietnam are doing their wrapping bro. So they're made to feel like they're contributing to society? Good on you Amazon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Manson 0 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 A few xmas dinner tips I use: When you're doing your turkey, make sure you account for how much food is in the oven as the temperature will drop. You don't want an underdone turkey when everything else is ready to go! Don't stuff the centre - this'll stop the bird cooking from the inside out and instead cook outside in, which will make the thing dry as a nun's cath. Stuff under the skin, saving things like herbs and garlic for the middle. Cooking it upside down also helps keep it moist. Gravy - skim off the excess fat and save the juices into a pan. Sautee some onions with butter, herbs and salt & pepper. Whisk in redcurrant jelly when the onions are soft. Shake in a bit of flour to make a roux then gradually add in the juices, whisking all the while until you get your preferred consistency. Add a drop or two of soy sauce to darken it up a bit if you like. Spuds - bring them up to a boil in cold water (I add in veg stock when it boils so the potatoes soak up extra flavour) them until they're just tender (easy to pierce with a knife). Get a pan of fat in the oven until it's super hot. Place the potatoes in and don't do anything except sticking them in the oven. Give them 30 minutes and then flip them over. Season with what you want, then back in until the rest of the food is done. They'll be perfectly crispy on the outside and fluffy on the inside. Use maris pipers or something similar. Sprouts - give them a very quick boil (deffo no more than 4 minutes). Shock them in ice water straight away so they stop cooking. Cut in half, sautee in a pan with breadcrumbs, a pinch of mixed spice and redcurrant jelly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 39200 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 Cook the turkey in the morning, then cover it with foil to let it rest and cool a bit. The juices can cool too, makes removing the fat so simple, as it solidifies. Prep your veg the day before, and store them in sealed food bags to stop them drying out. ..... None of which I will be doing this year as we are going to the mother in law's for lunch I will be making my Green and Blacks Chocolate Crusted Lemon Tart , however, and taking it round. Recipe here ..... http://aksharp42.wordpress.com/2011/05/02/weekend-project-chocolate-crusted-lemon-tart/ Blagging my mates ice cream maker to make a basil sorbet to go with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 14145 Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 ..... None of which I will be doing this year as we are going to the mother in law's for lunch We go to the inlaws every Christmas. I love his mam to bits but she's hopeless in the kitchen. Bone-dry turkey, overdone veg, gravy with granules still floating in it, you name it she can CT it. The "grin and bear it" mask gets a serious workout every time. Overdone sprouts are the worst whoever's in the kitchen, mind. Brock's tips make sense; bacon/pancetta also make everything better, as always. (I mean in the frying pan, though sprouts in blankets would be an interesting variation...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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