AgentAxeman

WikiLeaks latest... the Pope may be Catholic By Richard Littlejohn The ‘explosive’ diplomatic cables posted on WikiLeaks seem to be little more than a mish-mash of gossip and rumours, stuff you could have read in the newspapers, statements of the bleedin’ obvious and wild speculation about the sex lives of politicians, especially gays. While other media outlets have focused on the geopolitical fall-out from the 250,000 leaked documents, this column prefers to trade in tittle-tattle. WikiLeaks cartoon Here are a handful of ‘Top Secret Not for Foreign Eyes’ (NOFORN) U.S. government communiques that have landed on my desk. You can judge their accuracy for yourselves: SECRET/NOFORN From: Hiram J. Baconburger, CIA Station Chief, London. To: Executive Director, Langley. Dated: 15/11/09. Name redacted. Subject displays increasingly irrational behaviour, indicative of deep psychological flaws. Reports suggest delusion bordering on paranoia. High incidence of bullying staff, including throwing telephones. Blames America for domestic difficulties and claims to have saved the world. All available evidence points to complete breakdown. See attached YouTube video for further analysis. Though happily married, subject has been forced to deny rumours that he’s gay. SECRET/NOFORN From: Hank Cheeseburger III, political attache, Court of St James. To: Deputy Chief of Staff, White House. 12/04/10. Codename: Squeaker. Subject is a sanctimonious dwarf, installed in anti-democratic political coup. He is accompanied everywhere by a tall blonde woman, believed to be his psychiatric nurse. Known colloquially as ‘Sally from the Alley’, she has a history of promiscuity, heavy drinking and drug-taking and is given to intemperate outbursts on Twitter. Subject is a definite security risk and probably gay. SECRET/NOFORN From: Randolph Delmonico Jnr, CIA Station Chief, Paris. To: Director, State Department. Dated: 9/25/10. Codename: Napoleon. Subject is a sanctimonious dwarf, accompanied everywhere by attractive actress/model/whatever, formerly the mistress of prominent English rock star. Napoleon is a classic cheese-eating surrender monkey and puppet of Germans. Probably gay. SECRET/NOFORN From: Agent Carlos Burrito, Secret Service, U.S. Embassy, Rome. To: European Director, Pentagon. Name redacted. The 74-year-old subject continues to indulge in erratic behaviour, is widely rumoured to use prostitutes and is believed to be addicted to prescription drugs to enhance his flagging sexual performance. Despite his apparent predilection for extremely young women, he is probably gay. SECRET/NOFORN From: Wendell Kendall IV, CIA station, London. To: Director, Langley. Dated: 7/18/10. Codename: Lord Fauntleroy. Once believed to be a Conservative, subject is revealed to be a closet liberal. Pays lip service to Atlantic Alliance while running down the military and selling off aircraft carriers to finance socialistic welfare system. Continues to provide safe haven for terrorists. Though married to a member of the aristocracy, he attended the all-male Eton College and is therefore probably gay. SECRET/NOFORN From: Special Agent Condoleezza Goodbody, attending UN climate change summit, Cancun, Mexico. To: U.S. Energy Secretary. Dated: 11/29/10. Codename: Windy Miller. Subject observed at close quarters in Jacuzzi, eating lobster. If he continues to pursue present policy of closing coal-fired and nuclear power stations and relying solely on renewables, Britain will run out of electricity within a decade. Recently left his wife for a former lesbian, so is probably gay. SECRET/NOFORN From: Antonio Soprano, U.S. mission in Vatican City. To: Chief of Staff, White House. Dated: 11/30/10. Codename: Pontiff. Reports of ill-health can be discounted, after subject seen recently performing Mass in public. Former member of Hitler Youth, the subject has never married and is believed to be celibate. Despite softening his stance on condoms, it is still safe to presume that the Pope is a Catholic. SECRET/NOFORN From: Special Agent Joseph McCarthy, CIA station, London. To: Director, Langley. Dated: 11/27/10. Codename: Red Ed. Puppet of Left-wing labour unions, defeated his elder brother to seize power in bloodless coup. Father was leading Marxist. Subject supports high taxes, big government and is proud to be a socialist. Almost certainly a Communist. Says he ‘forgot’ to sign his son’s birth certificate. Borderline gay. SECRET/NOFORN From: Jilly Concarne, European Affairs Specialist, London. To: Controller: FBI Washington. Dated 9/15/10. Codename: Cleggover. Subject not considered a threat until recently. Favours strong Federal Europe as counterweight to U.S. Unlikely to survive next general election. Even though he claims to have slept with more than 30 women, he is a Liberal Democrat so if not exclusively gay, almost certainly helps them out when they’re busy. SECRET/NOFORN From: Charles J. Moron, special envoy to Court of St James. To: Deputy Director (Protocol), White House. Dated: 11/15/10. Subject: Prince William. Son of the late Princess Diana and King Charles, subject is tipped as future head of state. Entered military service after university, but his career has been hampered by shortage of helicopters. Despite an eight-year relationship with a woman called Katie Waite, he appears to have no intention of getting married. Probably gay. SECRET/NOFORN From: Deputy Director (Protocol), White House. To: Charles J. Moron. Dated 11/18/10. You’re fired!

RIP.

LOTS of snow tonight in Howden. ....and i would just like to say, FUCKIN LOTS OF SNOW!!! Champion!

Or scotch. you mean Scots. Scotch is a drink. And aye, he's a fuckin bottling tosser!

But that's what was great about opening up the universities to all via grants - it didn't completely level the playing field but it was a huge step forward. That gain has been steadily eroded - first by Blair and now massivley by Cameron and it has to be said it stinks of idealogical elitism rather than practicality. . NJS, you may say it is entirely unfair that some children are given a better start in life than others. And I would absolutely have to agree with you. In the same way that it’s entirely unfair that some people are born fat or ugly or dyslexic or disabled or ginger or small or Welsh. Life, I’m afraid, is tragic. EDIT: oh and someone earlier said something about national service for 16 - 18? Spot on idea which ive advocated for years.

Absolute shot in the dark here but what about Ryan Babel? Alledgedly the dippers want rid.

Freakin AWESOME!!

They're probably sub-zero. He looks and feels a bit like a Spurs player. yeah but how many midfielders do they need? maybe we can have some of their rejects There's no chance of Anderson coming here and I'm the most optimistic deluded toon fan you'll meet. Krancjar on the other hand could be a real possibility, I'd be delighted too. Good call, however im not certain we could afford him wages wise. as for anderson, im not his greatest fan but hes better than what we have.

YAY! I hope its like last winter! Im such a fuckin big kid sometimes!

Podolski, great player but beyond our reach imo.

aye, Ragdolls are generally BIG cats. We've got a British Shorthair which is also a large breed.

:( :( :(

Drawing a crowd = good

Great post, one of the most sensible in this thread.

You could but while a similar principle is being applied it's on a completely different scale, the person inheriting the house isn't (on the whole) already receiving a massive amount of money from the public purse, most people aren't renting their back garden out to the MoD for an exorbitant fee and it's unlikely your Dad only owned the land because one of his ancestors stole it off someone. So I think it's slightly different. Exactly the sort of thing that should be being looked into too imo. He has land, the MOD wish to rent/lease it, so whats the problem? Alex, If you had something of value that someone wanted to rent would you not charge them? Just cos he's rich doesn't mean he should be a charity case. I think Alex is basically saying that he's rich precisely because he's a charity case. In a manner of speaking. aye, you could say that i suppose. but if thats the case then people on any form of benefit are also 'charity cases' as they draw from the public purse. that makes an awful lot of charity cases that should be giving their services for free in this country. Had on, aint that a new tory policy? regardless of where he has recieved his wealth from, he has something that someone else wants so he rents it to them. I really dont see the problem (apart from rampant republicanism )

Completely unbiased and impartial that article like.

You could but while a similar principle is being applied it's on a completely different scale, the person inheriting the house isn't (on the whole) already receiving a massive amount of money from the public purse, most people aren't renting their back garden out to the MoD for an exorbitant fee and it's unlikely your Dad only owned the land because one of his ancestors stole it off someone. So I think it's slightly different. Exactly the sort of thing that should be being looked into too imo. He has land, the MOD wish to rent/lease it, so whats the problem? Alex, If you had something of value that someone wanted to rent would you not charge them? Just cos he's rich doesn't mean he should be a charity case.

Best Wishes to you both!

...........and? if he's the owner of the land then so what.

Hiccy Burpday Fella!

needs a poll. Rocker

politician in 'going back on promises' shocker!!! :o