Jimbo

Bill Hicks Relvelations

Have you done a reset ?? flicked the hold button on and off and hold the centre button and the menu button for several seconds. This should reset you iPod,

Sam Allardyce faces the prospect of losing both of Newcastle United's first-choice strikers before the start of next season after it emerged that Obafemi Martins, like Michael Owen, has a buyout clause in his contract at St James' Park. The existence of the agreement in Martins' contract - the Nigerian is available to any club willing to pay £13m for his services - has infuriated Allardyce, who was unaware of the clause when he moved to the North-east. That anger has been heightened by the fact that it has become public knowledge that Owen can leave if a bid of £9m is lodged for the England forward, following Newcastle's failure to qualify for Europe next season. Newcastle do not know whether or not Owen wants to stay but are acutely aware that Manchester United and Arsenal - should they sell Thierry Henry to Barcelona - may well come calling before the transfer window closes. Newcastle also fear that the indications they have so far received from Owen would suggest that he wants to leave. Allardyce wants to keep both Owen and Martins. However, the former is causing particular concern. Allardyce has signed Mark Viduka on a free transfer from Middlesbrough, but wants Owen and Martins to work alongside the Australian striker rather than be replaced by him. Martins is also a worry for Allardyce. After joining Newcastle from Internazionale a year ago, he apparently wants to return to Italy and believes that a club, thought to be Juventus, is willing to trigger his buyout clause. Allardyce is also concerned at the chaotic nature of Martins' private life, which is in disarray with reports claiming yesterday that a car carrying the 22-year-old striker was riddled with bullets in the Nigerian city of Lagos. That incident happened on Monday night, 48 hours after Martins had helped Nigeria to edge closer to January's African Nations Cup finals by playing in the 3-1 win over Niger in Niamey. After the match Martins also spoke about his decision to be unavailable for Newcastle's final match of the season at Watford. He said: "I signed a contract with Newcastle and I am happy at the club, and the way the fans supported me even when I wasn't scoring was great. If I am fully fit there is no way I will back out from playing any game for Newcastle. But it would not be right for me to wear the shirt and play when I know that I will not be giving my best." However, it is understood that Martins is agitating for a move, especially as he did not receive a substantial signing-on fee for joining Newcastle and because he has fallen out with the agents who previously represented him. Newcastle are aware of the upheaval in the striker's circumstances and have also said they will renegotiate Martins' contract and offer him a pay rise if he is willing to commit himself to the club and put his life in order. Allardyce wants to keep Martins and is as exasperated that he has a release clause in his contract as he is that Owen has a similar addendum in his deal. Newcastle are undergoing a major overhaul of their squad with Allardyce having released a number of defenders while selling Scott Parker, the club captain, to West Ham United for £7m. Allardyce has also made it plain that he regards a new defence as his priority. He intends to retain only Steven Taylor - although he may keep the full-back Stephen Carr if he can prove his fitness and appetite for the new campaign - having already dispensed with many experienced defenders, including Titus Bramble, Craig Moore and Oguchi Onyewu. Newcastle have been offered West Ham's Anton Ferdinand and the West Bromwich Albion captain Curtis Davies, who were both targets for Allardyce's predecessor, Glenn Roeder. But, having missed out on Talal Ben Haim, the Bolton Wanderers defender who was out of contract and who has joined Chelsea, they are looking for more experienced players such as the Czech Republic international David Rozehnal, who plays for Paris St- Germain and is available for around £3m. Allardyce has already signed Joey Barton for £5.8m from Manchester City - including covering the midfielder's £300,000 loyalty bonus - having sold Parker. He is also toying with the idea of offloading Kieron Dyer, whom he regards as unreliable and who has attracted interest from Tottenham Hotspur, and Emre Belozoglu. Newcastle are also interested in buying the Ghanaian midfielder Derek Boateng from the Israeli club Beitar Jerusalem. A complication for Allardyce is the takeover of the club by the billionaire businessman Mike Ashley. Although the manager's position would appear safe, it is unclear what budget he will receive should the club's ownership change hands.

A summer of revolutionary change at Newcastle United will not be restricted to Sam Allardyce's overhaul of his first-team squad and backroom staff. While the club's new manager pursues fresh signings, Mike Ashley, Newcastle's new owner, will shortly appoint a troubleshooter charged with scrutinising all areas of the business. The resulting extensive review will encompass Allardyce's role and its findings are likely to define the scope of the former Bolton Wanderers manager's powers. The future of Freddy Shepherd, who still holds the role of chairman despite selling his shares in the club to Ashley, a sports retail billionaire, will also hinge on the troubleshooter's review. Shepherd, currently recovering from a serious bout of pneumonia, hopes to remain as a salaried chairman and effectively play a chief executive's role. Article continues "It will be the sort of thorough, objective, stragetic review that invariably happens when businesses are taken over," explained a source. "It will show how the club operates at every level including team manager and above." Although sources close to Ashley are anxious to dismiss suggestions that the fact that Allardyce was named in the recent Stevens report on the probity of football transfers - Lord Stevens was unhappy about a potential conflict of interest at Bolton involving Allardyce and his son Craig, then an agent - might have placed the Newcastle manager's job security in doubt, it is understood that Quest's findings will also be considered by the troubleshooter. Ashley is said to be "supportive" of Allardyce and enjoyed convivial and productive meetings with him at the training ground, but he did not appoint the manager, so Glenn Roeder's successor, hired by Shepherd literally days before Ashley's surprise takeover, inevitably has much to prove. "There's no great change in mood because of Quest. Mike is supportive of the manager," said a source. "But there is about to be a long, hard look at the way Newcastle is run." This will encompass the role of Kenneth Shepherd, Freddy Shepherd's influential son, who was mentioned by the Stevens report when it highlighted a potential conflict of interest in having relatives work so close together. Although there was no suggestion of wrongdoing by United officials, four of the 17 transfers that Quest refused to clear involved signings made by the club, namely Jean-Alain Boumsong, Albert Luque, Amady Faye and Emre Belozoglu. In fact eight of those 17 deals involved either Newcastle or Allardyce, the latter in his former capacity as Bolton manager and featuring the incoming transfers of Ali Al-Habsi, Tal Ben Haim, Blessing Kaku and Julio Correia. It has not been revealed whether the troubleshooter will be recruited from the ranks of Ashley's existing employees or be an external appointment but no one on Newcastle's payroll, from Allardyce and Shepherd to the tea ladies, can expect to be shielded from intense scrutiny. Meanwhile, Obafemi Martins has said he is happy at Newcastle after his future had been put in doubt when he failed to turn up for the club's final game of the season at Watford claiming injury. "I signed a contract with Newcastle and I am happy at the club, and the way the fans supported me even when I wasn't scoring was great. If I am fully fit, there is no way I will back out from playing any game for Newcastle," he said.

Iaquinta is at Juve http://home.skysports.com/list.aspx?hlid=4...p;channel=& It's the Suazo deal(who I've never heard of) that's up in the air. David Suazo is an excellent player, similar to Martins in many ways.

Full series was yet again another brilliant offering. Agreed, watched it on download last month, brilliant.

Possibly ffs suck it and see The hanky ?

Petty isn't it.

Normal service resumed then !

Thought you might need this for your next Karaoke session

Google ! yay !

Possibly ffs

eh ? Great big bag of heading Patrokles' way! Thats funnier that duckerdavies's post

eh ?

http://damncoolpics.blogspot.com/2007/06/nerd-tattoos.html christ on a bike

Classic Martins interview http://www.bbc.co.uk/mediaselector/check/p.../newsid_6222700? "did you tink dis is the hend ?"

Agreed, not only cheaper to run but the engines are far more robust, 100k on a diesel engine is practically only just worn in these days, either way the 100k on the clock is only an issue if the servicing hasn't been kept up to date, if the service history is 100% and preferably by a main dealer then I don't think its a problem. As for gas conversions, it is far cheaper than petrol or diesel, around 35p a litre I believe, you will sacrifice the spare tyre space but you can always keep the spare tyre in the boot if you are going on a long drive just incase.

They clearly know how to look after the elderly in Nigeria....

NEWCASTLE striker Obafemi Martins last night told of his terror after a gang of masked gunmen fired at his car — wounding a pal. His Mercedes was sprayed with bullets and his passenger hit in the hand and shoulder. Shocked Martins, 22, said: “They shot indiscriminately and tried to kill all the occupants of the car. They weren’t there to rob me but to finish me off. “I thought I was going to die. They executed it like professional hired assassins. "They didn’t say anything to me but just started shooting at the car. It was hell. I was dead in my heart and soul. It all happened like in the movies.” The horror ordeal began when three masked gunmen surrounded Martins at a petrol station near his plush apartment in Lagos, Nigeria, late on Monday night. The player, who is now recovering in Italy, said: “I didn’t know their mission but they looked scary and mean. My nerves were completely dead when I saw the guns.” The terrified Magpies ace tried to reverse his car to get away but was blocked by another car parked behind him. Gunshots were fired at the windscreen and through the passenger window. Martins’ mate Remi Onipede was hit but the St James’ Park hero managed to run for cover before cops arrived. The gang did not steal the car and Martins now believes their motive could have been murder — as payback for him missing a recent international — rather than robbery. He said: “If you are attacked by armed robbers, they only threaten you and take whatever they want but these guys were only after my life. “How I managed to escape is still shocking and unbelievable. “Maybe someone up there loves me more than I could imagine because only he could explain what happened. “But my mother is scared they could come back again. “She almost passed out when she saw the car. She just kept asking who wants me dead. “I don’t feel safe in Lagos any more and don’t think I want to return so fast. "I was born in Lagos, I am a Lagosian. But when I don’t feel safe in my hometown then something must be wrong. “I am not running away from armed robbers but people who want to take the life of Obafemi Martins. "It’s a great thing to play for your country, put smiles on the faces of people and also feel safe among your family and fans. “But when the situation gets out of hand, I don’t think coming home is something I can even contemplate.” Onipede, speaking to The Sun from his hospital bed, said: “I am grateful to God for his favours because I could have been a dead man by now. But I’ve had X-rays and doctors say I will be fine. “Those people were merciless, they just kept shooting at us.” Martins’ mum Alhaja added: “Obafemi is the breadwinner of my family and some evil people want him dead. “Tell me why he should continue to stay here. “I have told him to return to Europe and I will join him there when I feel like seeing him. “They might return to haunt him, so it will be stupid of him to stay.”

Alan Shearer's bitter feud with Craig Bellamy re-opened yesterday when he effectively sabotaged his former Newcastle colleague's hopes of returning to St James' Park. Bellamy, seemingly surplus to requirements at Liverpool, is understood to be keen on a return to Tyneside where manager Sam Allardyce is ready to secure the Wales captain's services for £9 million. "Has no one learned their lesson about signing him?" Shearer said. "If only Rafa Benitez had rung me, I would've told him exactly what he was like. "I hope there isn't anything in it. It would be interesting, especially with Terry McDermott still here because there was a scuffle at Anfield when Craig and Terry were coming down the tunnel." Shearer admitted the mere prospect of Bellamy's return at his hometown club was enough to have him drowning his sorrows. advertisement "I was having a few days away in France with Gary Speed and Steve Harper and the wives and I picked up a newspaper. I was having a fantastic day. "But when I read Bellamy for Newcastle, I thought I would have to have another drink, so I had several." Bellamy and Shearer's relationship deteriorated when abusive text messages were sent from his phone during his spell at Celtic to the Newcastle captain. Shearer reportedly threatened to "knock his block off" if Bellamy returned to Newcastle. Shearer confirmed he would like to start his management career at Newcastle but not yet. "I will do it one day. If I get to 50 and I look back and I haven't done it, I will regret it, but I don't know when I will do it," Shearer explained. "I have my B badge, and my A badge I finished two months ago. There is only one place I am going to go when I do it, so I wanted to enjoy some time out."

If the MLS is as good as the Premiership, I'll fuck my hat.

Jealous tbh Pierced ears on blokes look shit as tbh. How's the black nail polish, headband and eyeliner these days Brock ?

The final episode of The Tudors, one of the best dramas I've seen on TV in a long time. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_tudors

Damn right.

FFS, Strip tease part II