Mac-Toon

'That's the way the Gook laughs'

I see Barr make that, eh? Bet it's not got a fucking sniff on Irn Bru. Rubicon is the juice to be drinking these days, tbh.

He done the exact same thing against Walcott in the LC. I know he was playing centrehalf and not full back that night, but as soon as someone with pace runs at him, he's completely fucked, it's like he has no idea what to do. It was schoolboy defending at best. If you noticed, he tackled with completely the wrang foot for their opener. I thought we set ourselves up well with 5 across the middle but with Perch in at left back we were always going to struggle. If he never plays for us again I'd be happy.

Let's not get too morbid, eh. We've played Liverpool, City and Spurs and took 3 points so it's not all bad. I'm going down to Wigan Warriors on sunday so hopefully we'll get back on track. Laugh in the face of relegation, man. Pardew'll be found out by February at the latest, tbh.

Regardless of what you're saying Ruler of the Planet Houston, you just don't refer to people as paki's. If you must refer to them as a whole I believe the collective is 'asian'.

Lypsal and guyliner, tbf.

They'll sleep well tonight, oblivious to the impending doom which awaits them when they wake. Does it just stop them wanting to 'gan riding' or what? I've just been reading about cat AIDS. sounds naughty like, tbf. I lost a guinea pig to that circa 87. Or so my dad said.

We don't have anyone else who's played any number of games at left back. Lennon's going to annihilate whoevers dropped in anyway with the lack of graft Jonas puts in.

'A real man can wear pink' type question this. It's basically just a neater, pricier version of the man draw. As Larry said 'Fuckin' women is for puffs'. A man from Newcastle should never do these things though, including but not limited to: Using a brolley when it's raining Call your dinner, your lunch Call your tea, your dinner Wear them tight slim jeans

The salary sacrifice scheme ran by Northumbria NHS is a good one and includes everything from Insurance to Road Tax I believe. The important thing about it is though that it works out cheaper. For instance if you took a car that cost £300 per month from your salary it would only really be costing you just over £230 per month after tax and NI is taken into account. My mothers partner does that. He's just got one of them new VW Sciroccos on the nhs deal. He's had a civic, slk, primera and just gives them back after 2 years. Seems canny I think.

Think I fired about 10 Newcastle Exhibitions into myself last night and rather than have a hangowa I've got the shits off it. It's a canny drop tbf, just not had it for some considerable time. Not many places have it on neither. Someone asked me if I wanted a Jagger Bomb. What the fuck's that, btw?

08/09 season I felt we were down from christmas but this season I'm more than confident we'll finish mid-table (11th/12th). Wolves will gan, The 'ammers will gan and Blackborn will gan. Nailed on. B'burn would've been guaranteed to stop up but since FSA's sacking I can't see them surviving with Kean in charge. Even if they didn't Wigan and Blackpool won't mind diving down.

As defenders become more savvy to him, he'll be growing as a player and obviously gaining more attributes. I think he's a fantastic player for such a young lad and honestly believe we aint seen nothing yet. I've no doubt whatsoever he'll be a mainstay in the Ingurland side. In truth, he's better in the air than all our defenders, faster than all but Routledge, Great touch and an eye for goal. I don't see him being overhyped, I just see him being fairly judged on what he's achieved so far. Appreciate him whilst he's here, we could be talking about him as a 'could've been' if the big boys come calling.

Tough game today if they play anything like they did at Villa. They're pish at the back, but so dangerous on the counter we can't push on too much. If Pardew's got any knowledge he'll play Barton on the right to try and help out Simpson with Bales threat, 5 across the middle for me, with Tiote, Rout, Jonas, Guthrie. Rout more attacking just off AC. I wouldn't play 2 up top today. Need to pack the midfield and nullify their width. Prediction 1-1.

Now howay, Derek assured Alan that Carroll will not be sold. What's given you reason to think he'd go against his word? hmmm ... So, he'll definitely be sold if 12mill plus was offered. He couldn't resist the money being offered. I doubt he understands the importance of AC to our team. On Taylor, he'd be my 3rd choice behind colo and williamson.

I always said I'd never have nee pets in my house. He's alreet, tbf. Got used to him running about and he doesn't make nee mess. He's kept out the bedroom and off the settee so doesn't give me too much grief. My grandad used to walk his on a lead the daft owld cunt

It was the dogs idea to get the cat.

Made me laugh. Mrs Rents has nagged me daily about getting a cat for years now. I've told her (daily) it's divorce situation if she gets one. I'm allergic but anyway we aren't at home enough to look after one. I don't want to sound harsh but I think this is your wive's responsibility. Nail on the head you've hit Renton. I told her upon arrival that she's to change the litter, feed her etc but you know what it's like 'oh, just do it mac'. Plus, she's too relaxed and leaves the back door ajar then gans upstairs clartin' on. I'm more on the neurotic side and can't relax so finds myself wandering about the back garden and diving over the fence into next doors to grab him. Think I'm gonna let him roam at his leisure and penetrate owt wandering about. Have had his injections so hope he'll be alreet. Do other cats attack often?

Started playing on the young'uns xbox game 'Legends of the Guardian' today. It's canny good tbf. Basically just a racing owl who fights. Lego Harry Potters been getting an airing aswell. Decent.

Reet. My wife whinged on for the past 2 year that she wanted a kitten. I told her no time and time again. We've got bairns so a cat to me is just another fucking responsibility. Wey, nonetheless a 8 week old female kitten arrived at my house about 6 weeks ago. Turns out 'Lola' the female kitten is actually a male and been renamed 'shola'. Anyway, he's itching to get outside and keeps crying at the back door. I've let him oot in the back garden but he just jumps owa the fence and trys to take off. I've been on google to see when it's alreet to let them oot on their tod but it's just all americans answering saying 'NEVER let them out, he'll get attacked by a coyote or a pervert or other cat or ran over or .... Typical yanks scared to let them out. I'm more concerned he's too little and will come back chinned off another cat so dunno whether to wait til he's packin' a bit of muscle. There's a canny few others in me street so dunno whether they'll accept him in the crew or take him down. Any ideas if we should just put up with the crying at the door, or just let him gan tom about?

One of my first jobs was as a climbing instructor at an activity centre in Wales. I was 17, obviously a handsome lad, a devilish Geordie charm etc etc. We used to get naughty boys homes and borstal types in for rehabilitation and what have you. Anyway, we also spent one night of their stay building shelters in the woodland and camping out. One group we had in was a mixed race group, full of kids with stones in their shoes, gangster'd up. One kid was off his tits and refused to wear a helmet to climb so couldn't. Whilst stoppin' out in the woods one kid came to our shelter and said 'shanks gone missing'. (this was about 3am). Being in charge of peoples kids my reaction was 'oh fuck'. We hunted for him for 45 minutes before finding him sat by a river smoking a joint. We removed it from him, I gave him a slap, took him back. I snuck off, fired up the joint and again 10 minutes later baked out my head thought 'aaaah fuuuck'.

A win tomorrow'll be massive for our survival hopes this season. Going into the new year in the top half has to be seen as a huge achievement for a newly promoted side. Hoping Pardew's seen enough of Shola to realise Ranger's got more energy, drive and power to worry defences. They'll be dangerous tomorrow no doubt, with Tevez chasing down everything and not giving the back 4 a seconds peace but if Barton and Tiote can supply the balls into the front men I see no reason why we can't give them a fright. Carroll's on fine form and I reckon' they'll be more worried about him than our players will be of any of theirs. A poor manager would send them out saying 'We've nothing to lose against a star studded side'. Pardew should be telling them we've every right to beat them if we perform to the level they did at Arsenal, Sun'lun, Villa etc etc and they should be confident of beating them. Howay lads. I'm going 3-1. Ranger first goal.

Aye thats not far off from where I'm at, I was a bit gutted as I thought the eldest was a bit disappointed but did her best not to show it which made it worse in a way, she did get the one thing she wanted which she was told she had no chance of getting but overall we were very shite this year, I got wor lass two CD's and that was it, she's got money to spend herself at her leisure. I bought myself a kindle supposedly for christmas but I just kept it. The bairns were happy enough. I sometimes cannot stand christmas as I'm a bit shite at it cos even when I do well it's fucking stress city knowing what to get the family. Glad its over and will do better next year, definitely the worst one I've had since the kids came along by a long way. Happy Christmas and all that shite. Yours, Ebeneezer. I bet they've had a great day, mate. If the eldest daughter's over 7 she may aswell be 40 'cos they're that hard to keep sweet. Don't hammer yourself over it though. If they've had a belly full of their mams dinner and a few toys off santa they'll have gone to bed happy bairns. I admire those who buy their lasses diamond encrusted mobiles and chocolates dipped in jesus' piss but in most peoples reality, in a family, it's a few select items and a day of not arguin'. She's not hoid a strop today so that's the best present I could've had Al the best to you's al. They'll have the easter eggs on display next week.

I got 8 pair of Socks. Marksies like so can't question the quality. 2 pair of 'tightie whities'. Bottle of Aftershave and a book of football trivia. (Great stuff for the thread, lads). Tbf, We've got bairns so don't really get each other much. We've just ploughed money into getting the house decorated and I'm taking her to Amsterdam so I don't really need a new bike or a ps3. If I want stuff through the year, I'll buy it myself. Think that's the way it works when you're an owld cunt. Still wish my mam would splash out on a new motor for me if the truth be known.

I've spent the majority of the day building and struggling to construct the wonder that is my childs star wars lego. When I was a lad I had a big box of the stuff and made multi-coloured cars and shit. Not now, it's all technical planes and the like. I don't know if anyone else has struggled with them fucking wire cables tying toys to cardboard boxes either. Fuck me, it's one strenuous, ill, slow affair unravelling them. Got 'Mouse Trap' to open tomorrow. Unreal.