Meenzer

A friend who's turning 30 wants to drag a few people with him on a city break this summer. Our options are apparently Paris, Stockholm and... Chisinau. I genuinely have no idea why the latter is on the list and I'm a bit scared to ask.

Christ.

Not all that different from using green lentils by the time you've cooked it all down I suppose. Actually, that's basically halfway to a veggie chilli con carne, isn't it? Which also works.

Bean curry? Excellent. I've got a curry recipe that involves bacon, which I can't wait to try and see if it's as awful as it sounds. (No, it's not one of Leazes')

In fact I'm so averse to being dictated to by outsiders that I might vote UKIP.

Nah, if I got recipe boxes I know I'd just want to ignore the recipes and do my own thing anyway.

Going to throw some grilled chicken, shallots and spring greens (#vegboxwanker) into a risotto tonight. Porcini mushroom stock cubes are the key to risotto happiness.

Competition!

Although I notice you don't say whether you'd be in the 40 or the 60...

I'm not saying I'd vote for them, I'm saying I'd be thick.

If people cast their vote purely because they're offended that other people think they're thick, they're definitely thick.

I think it's precisely because I like that stuff that I found it so underwhelming. Me, in other words:

I don't like the sound of these 'ere boncentration bamps.

Please, please take a moment to look at Nigel Farage, his background and everything he stands for, and tell me in what world you think voting UKIP will help achieve strong trade unions and less pandering to corporates and the ultra-rich.

North Sea Texas. Beautifully filmed but too slow-moving as a story. Almost succeeds in making Belgium look like an interesting place to visit though.

The fella's away so I'm catching up with all the wanky foreign films I've bought and never got out of the plastic. In that spirit: In A Better World. Lifted by some really, really good performances, but a but heavy-handed on the moralising front. Makes sense it did well at the Oscars then. Also Danish is a patently ridiculous language.

Home. Not just a Swiss film, but a rather good Swiss film. It's all about the gradual impact living next to a busy motorway has on a family. (It's more interesting than I make it sound. )

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WX_8Zj7d4rk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBGuQVwzYbU

Even I would. Might. If she suddenly decided bald gay guys were her thing.

A five-star review in the Guardian awaits.