Heard this from me fatha:
A load of him and his mates went down to an away game in the early 80's somewhere in Yorkshire. As was their custom, about 20 of the lads had been out on the night before. One of the lads, aptly named 'Snakebite Phil' (he only ever used to drink snakebites) was there - a 5 ft irish lad who had hair as red as the devil's cock. By all accounts this lad was canny nuts, and was prone to getting himself into some sticky situations by way of his unwavering love for snakebites. Anyways, the friday night before the match, all the lads were out, had a canny night, got bladdered. Snakebite decided to venture out of his comfort zone and stayed on the stout most of the night...
In the morning, they all met up at the train station to go down to the match. Snakebite is the last to appear, and when he gets there, is complaining of a bad stomach. No one pays attention and they get back on the sauce. By kick off they are all absolutely fucked, and by the final whistle even worse. Unlike him, Snakebite is rather quiet, enjoying his namesake drink all the while, but just a bit out of sorts nonetheless. Once the game ends, 20 monged geordies realise that they have to leg it to the train station to catch the train. Whilst realising this news, Snakebites problems come to a head, and he tells the other lads that he's had a stomach ache all day and he's shit himself. 'A need tuh get sum new baggies man these are covvad in shite!' They say they don't have enough time but on their way to the station - literally outside of it - Snakebite sees a denim shop and rushes in, grabs the first pair of jeans he sees, pays for them, and legs it out...
They all get on the train as the doors are shutting. Snakebite, with a cheeky grin on his face says to the lads, 'reet boys, am gannin to sort mesel oot in the bogs. Someone giz a tinny ready for when a get back'. Snakebite gets to the toilets on the train pretty sharpish (bearing in mind his stinks of shit), locks the door of the toilet, takes off his shitty trousers and throws them out of the bathroom window...
He opens up the bag which contains his jeans from the denim shop only to to pull out... a denim jacket. He had ran into the shop in such a hurry, he didnt realise what he was buying, just assuming they were jeans. Completely ball bagged at the time, this doesn't hinder him too much, as he ties the jacket round his waist so the back of the jacket is covering his modesty. Unfortunately for him, he forgot that his arse was still caked in shite and as he walked down the isle of the train proud as punch at his innovation, every other passenger he passed got a sight of wor Snakebite's shitty ginger arse.
