BigWalrus

The mackems have had their appeal against Sessegnon's red card refused. He will now miss their entire run in.

Type in "Alan Shearer naked" into google image search...

So shite that he can only succeed against armless players.

I don't think the Sunderland game is up there - we were knackered and leggy, but we've won games playing far worse.

Cabaye clearly hates his face too..

I must say that it looks like someone is tampering with his rectum.

Can't think of any more. If they've got thousands, then that's weird, but ultimately something to be congratulated for.

Sounds like someone trying to plug their own story.

These stories are pointless. They always start with "Telegraph Sport understands..." which is code for, we don't really have any evidence of this, nor will our source allow themselves to be named, so we're just going to fill the page with rumour and subjecture. So there was a row in the dressing room after the 6-0 game? Too bloody right! I'd be more worried if there wasn't a row as there was so much wrong. I hope everyone has cleared the air, expressed their thoughts and set their sights on preparing for the next game.

How do you know that they're just going to the shops? Have you been following them?

Is that a euphemism for slyly attempting anal sex last night?

The ignore feature stops anyone from being too annoying. If they're dicks I can always ignore them and pretend they don't exist.

Fucking sick of these fakes. I'm astounded how many people don't even question it every time it comes up.

Are you suggesting that the European campaign and missing Cabaye, Tiote, Krul, Coloccini and Ben Arfa for long spells due to injury isn't a valid reason for us dropping points? If Van Persie, Carrick and De Gea had been missing from Man Utd's team for long spells, they may well have dropped a similar number of points to us.

Yep, he has held his hands up on several occasions.

Again, the wrists being bent back because they like to pretend that the pretend phallus has a scrotum attached to it and thus requires cupping.

Ah, found another Dan Levy. He credits "infosportsplus" with the story, even though infosportsplus haven't mentioned anything about it.

Dan Levy? As in the bloke who used to be Spurs chairman?

Nice helmet.

They like to pretend that the phone is a penis. When you look away, they're almost certainly violently fellating the phone.

Bollocks. Someone quotes "infosportplus". Have a look at "infosportplus" - they don't mention Ben Arfa at all.

I thought it was Geordie-French for "I think it would be a good idea if Hatem took this penalty"

Quote from Pardew after the 2-1 win against Stoke back in March: "To be honest, I think we are done. You have got to get 40 points, of course, but we are now seven points from that with nine games left, and you would expect this team to follow through with the standard it has got now to be able to do that." The foot has come off the gas, hasn't it? (As much as I agree that you would expect this team to have followed through)

http://www.paddypower.com/football/football-matches/premier-league-matches/West-Ham-v-Newcastle-5140123.html BOOKIES MAKE NEWCASTLE FAVOURITES TO WIN AT WEST HAM, AFTER WEST HAM

Coloccini and Taylor (or even Williamson) have a great deal of experience playing alongside each other. Coloccini plays the sweeper role with the other doing the big chunk of challenging for headers etc. I'd have him in the team in an instant.