BigWalrus

It's the spine of the team - don't forget Tim Krul too. The Krul - Coloccini - Tiote - Cabaye - Ben Arfa spine has been significantly disrupted for pretty much the entire season. Any side outside of the top 4 would have struggled to get anywhere whilst missing so many massive players. This isn't an excuse - it's a reason for our failings. There are only 10 points between us and 8th place - that would be 3 wins and a draw. So beating Reading, Swansea and West Ham at home, whilst picking up a draw at Wigan. I'm convinced we would have managed that with our spine intact.

The whole Wigan thing has pissed me off massively. Not only did McManaman stay on the pitch, not only did they cheat their way to victory, but he's scored crucial goals for them in the games since, when he really should have been banned. The only way things could even out now would be if McManaman scored the own goal which relegated Wigan, and simultaneously shat himself and snapped his cruciate ligament in the process.

Depends on the manner of the defeat. If it includes another goal incorrectly chalked off for offside, or another goal incorrectly chalked off even though the ball crossed the line, or another thigh high deliberate assault going unpunished, or another winner following a deliberate handball...

Gosling really is our worst player. He doesn't seem to have anything about him, his game is full of errors and he's almost constantly injured. And to think Everton were pissed off when he left on a free...

I'm not a fan of Ryder at all, but that's the tabloid writing style - it's not supposed to be paragraphs and long sentences.

Just reading the green bits is quite depressing. We really do know fuck all.

I like that you don't let prejudice get in the way of a sensible debate.

I reckon if Cisse's non offside goal against thr mackems had stood, we'd be safe now.

Sunderland also have just Danny Graham to lead their attack.

Get a room, you two

Don't rule Norwich or Sunderland out yet.

He probably needs a rest. Hopefully this means a return to Cabaye and Tiote playing their more natural game together, flabked by Jonas and Ben Arfa.

Quite possibly. This is the internet after all!

Or just a sexy, waterless bath

I remember the day we played Villa and went down. An 8 hour binge followed. However, at that point, I was coming round to the idea of clearing out a load of players who I absolutely despised. This time around I actually like most of our team, so I'd be gutted if we went down.

Nowt I can do to influence any of the games, so I'll watch like a true self-masochistic NUFC fan.

If I was you, I'd skip the pictures on the projector screen - it ends up being filler. The best speeches I've seen were 10 minutes or under. The pictures on the screen only serve to divert attention away from you, which only ends with people missing jokes or not hearing an important detail as they've been focussed on the pictures too much. It's a speech like no other. I remember doing presentations and speeches at school, university, work etc and you know that at least 25% aren't really paying attention. With a best man speech, you have the entire audience in the palm of your hand. They're paying attention like never before and you need to make the most of it. Don't divert attention away from what you're saying with too many other things going on.

I agree. I rewrote mine the night before.

Yep, Taggart is banning journalists every week. More concerned that 3 or 4 players have deemed it acceptable to run to the press with such a story. Whose side are they on, and which players are they?

I started with... "Fornication. For an occasion like this..." Went down really well. I found it best to avoid the cliched jokes as much as possible. Once you've decided what stories you're going to use, you can easily fit in little jokes now and again. Also, I didn't practice it. I just rattled it off after a quick read through the night before and went for it. I hate the sound of it being too rehearsed. Have a bit just before your last story where you are nice to the groom, before hammering him with the most embarrassing story to close. The one thing (other than the opening) that I nicked from the internet was my closing line: "As (groom's name) said to (bride's name) the first time she saw him naked, thanks for laughing!"

It's a cock out

How do you distinguish between dream and reality?

I like the blue

Retardew