catmag

How do you "deal" with a car flipping at 280mph? Whether it was Schumacher, Hammond or me driving it, we're all going to sustain horrific injuries. This is going to sound really morbid and horrible but a friend of mine was knocked down by a car and hit the back of her head on a lamp-post. The force was enough to leave her brain-dead and she ended up having her life-support switched off after a week. Fuck only knows what kind of trauma Hammond has sustained in this accident.

Shove an epidural where the sun don't shine if he's being a smug bastid! He's actually a lovely, quiet Northern Irish lad who looked very sheepish when he found me listening to the radio and realised the score

Our anaesthetist this evening is a Scouse fan....

God, that's awful news. I've recently been reading his articles in one of the papers and he comes across as a lovely bloke. He's also got a young kiddie iirc. Wishing him all the best... EDIT Didn't read the article properly - he's got 2 little'uns..

Nah, it's on the Arabian Channel and on in a canny few pubs though. Ah okay. Looks like it's the radio at work for moi.

I'm assuming the match is on Sky tonight?

Isn't there a programme on about this tonight (or soon anyway) I saw a clip this morning of a woman who follows her son around with a fly swat to whack him with if he misbehaves. He'd taken to locking himself in rooms

Just paw prints? I'd left half a pizza out one night and got up to find the whole bloody topping had been eaten with just bits of nibbled dough left

Isn't that what Ritchie's Mrs said to him when he grew that dreadful 'tache?

Colon is just beyond the rectum therefore risk of perforation is pretty high depending on what you're sticking up there. I've had a few patients in the past who have accidently ended up with various things up there and one of them ended up with a colostomy. Just - Why would you?!

Isn't that what Ritchie's Mrs said to him when he grew that dreadful 'tache?

That's funny Are them eyebrows for real?

Very strange footballing injury, and a nasty one. He's have had to clattered with some force in order to perforate his bowel. I'd imagine it'd be more like 3 months before he's back aswell as it's pretty major abdominal surgery, although these footballers appear to have superhuman healing powers these days so who knows...

I've had that on my phone for a while and it's class - despite the c-word Wouldn't advise anyone to open it at work unless they have headphones like...

Not enough fibre in the diet causing 'straining' when you shit. Little bits of the bowel pop out.

Can someone add manc-mag for Sept 8th 1977 please?

nah, I dont really do birthdays (meaning my own). Happy to get sloshed celebrating other peoples but I'm too much of a moody shitehawk about getting a year older to celebrate my own. Next year isnt even getting a mention. I'm going in to a bupa hospital on September 7th and being sedated until September 9th. *Books agency shift for September 8th at the Alex in Cheadle*

8th September.

I got my dates very wrong and completely missed your birthday. You should get your card this morning and hope you had a very happy day. Sorry Happy birthday to the Aussie for today aswell

Well, that and pushing them back up there....

Whelks. Snots in a shell

Can't say this is one I'm looking forward to. I'll just be satisfied if we don't get a complete pasting.

Does it feel like you have grapes hanging out of your arse? If so, you've got them.

And am I the only one who can see my Firefox icon on the users list? Everyone else has question marks.