catmag

Soooooooo were you good friends?

Considering some of the stories that you've told us on here, were you not just commonly known as "That complete fucking nutcase?" at school

It's Knopfler you guitar nerds!

But you never carry cash 123442[/snapback] Cards is where it's at. 123446[/snapback] But not so great for pre-match drinks! Are they?!

He's in the papers today waffling about how Alan Shearer can have any job he wants at the club from turnstile operator to Chairman. Go on Alan, tell him you want the Chairmans job and watch his fat face drop 123427[/snapback] He should wind Shepherd up by requesting a different job every week. FS: Hi Alan. AS: Hi Freddy. FS: Why the long face Alan? AS: Oh I dunno......things just aren't working out for me as a steward. When I left the box office to do this I thought it sounded perfect, but.....I dunno. I'm just not happy. FS: Alan, I've always said you can have any job you want. You name it, it's yours. AS: REALLY!?!? I want to sell the pies! But only if I can keep my steward's walkie talkie? 123445[/snapback] I think he should get a job selling them half-time raffle tickets (can't remember what they're called) then he could wander into the Trent pre-match in a luminous vest. That would be class

But you never carry cash

What job does he actually do?

He's in the papers today waffling about how Alan Shearer can have any job he wants at the club from turnstile operator to Chairman. Go on Alan, tell him you want the Chairmans job and watch his fat face drop

I hate golf like. I was forced into taking part in a putting competition when I was on holiday in the Maldives much to my disgust and to the disgust of many blokes when I won it having never played golf in my life

Hang on, what happened to your post?

So what? Understandably, some fans got upset. Never mind, some people will always take offence. Don't forget, I was like that once! Everyone has different levels of tolerance. Remember this and don't take things to heart. Laughing at it is the best form of defence. A sense of humour always helps. Nobody knows that more than Shearer. During his career he's had his fair share of critics... Something in him just blanks it out. Unless you have a thick skin, you're going to struggle in football. Can anyone remember Marcelino? Kick him in the shin pads and he'd be out for 6 months. Call it what you will... Only the strong survive... Champions have an inner strength.... Know this and know success. 123413[/snapback] I think you should send that to the Chronicle poems section

LEGEND! A minute's silence required for his medial ligament at the West Brom game tbh. 123411[/snapback] I think he should come to my hospital and we'll repair it for him. I'll make sure he wakes up - honest

Everybody loves Shearer today. He's front page of the Mirror and "Tributes have started to flood in..." You'd think he'd been deaded!

The bloke used to live in the same village as me - complete and utter twat! Always fucking bigging himself up in the pub and putting people down! He upset a bloke one night who nearly impaled the fucker on the dart board. Now there's irony! 123226[/snapback] I've always thought there was something a bit creepy about him - dunno why. I feel the same about Bruce Forsyth

Does exactly what it says on the tin! 123340[/snapback] Ahhhhhhhhh shaddap!

Chippy tea

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3. 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses. 6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your mobile phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the shopping. 7. Every advert on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen. 8. Leaving the house without your mobile phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it. 10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee. 11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :-) 12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing. 13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message. 14 You are too busy to notice there was number 9 on this list. 15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a number 9 on this list.

One of the lads at work is always bringing in weird and wonderful foodstuffs from the Lidl in Wrekenton and it's all good. The chocolate is indeed very nice They apparently also seel very good plants

There was definitely a CAT scan pun to be had here but you ruined it!

Thank you *phones Labour Ward to tell them all to cross their legs til at least midnight*

What time is MOTD on please?

No eggs, no bunnies, no nothing for me However, I have just got into work and there's obviously been a chocolate-fest of sorts going on today and there are leftovers!

I thought Alan Shearer was God

It wasn't actually me before you start!

I've decided that the only way you're not going to go to hell after creating this blasphemous poll was that today there was a mini-resurrection of sorts.