Ayatollah Hermione

I can’t believe how much these have sat back after the goal. You’d think they’d go for the jugular but they’re practically asking us to get back into it. Strange when we have the bench we have

Mind, I do fancy Maguire anytime just have a vision of his muckle spam meeting a Shaw corner.

Would have got good money on Croatia and Morocco getting the semis out of the same group like

Morocco have lost their two starting centre halves and already looked fucked here. Semis will be a step too far for them, I say. Meat pie, sausage roll, come on England! Grab a goal!

Cold weather seems to bumping a few of them off. Surely they have the money to put the heating on?

If we win, can you go on Wednesday as well?

Portugal unleash Plan B: diving and rolling about

One step closer to Ronaldo tears. Would be a fucker of a semi-final for England since Morocco are a good outfit but just fuck Portugal in general

Luckily, he’s locked in a block of Pallion flats so will never see any Newcastle fans in the wild

Shame that, if you order that, you’ll get a pack of Wolves training bibs instead

The winner of England vs France wins it, I reckon. Purely because Ronaldo will weasel his way back in for Portugal

The fucking bollocks on the Dutch to try that in the 100th minute They deserve to win it for that alone

This ref is in total awe of Messi. Reckon an Argie lad could overhit a pass to him and get a booking

Siem scored one goal which betters Luuk’s total. What we were thinking taking either on is a question for the ages though

Is it “Who was, somehow, the worse of the De Jong brothers during their time at Newcastle United?”

Mind, that was a decent penalty but Pearce and Keown are talking like it was some game changer

That pass from Messi was outrageous. Even if it’s something they’ve worked on and he gets the shout, he has to thread that ball through about 4 Dutch players with the perfect weight. When they’ve got him, they’ve always got a chance of winning it

Didn’t he pull it at the Euros? May have been Madrid but I remember him waiting until last in a shootout and not getting to take one and that’s what triggered the thought Love how Modric was bang in the middle. The main man, the captain and the best player taking the swing pen is a great idea.

I LOVE when certain players, for example, Neymar, want to take the last penalty for the potential glory, and then see their team crash out before they even get the chance to take one. Have that, you preposterous little fanny

Thank fuck. Modelled by a very glum looking Michael Owen IIRC

Was that the shirt that was revealed square by square, Catchphrase style, over the course of about a month? Someone tell me I’m not making that up

At least our players have the decency to look suitably embarrassed by it all

Better get used to this.

Nice to see Almiron hasn’t lost his touch

Is Mad Dog Tindall some kind of awful Twitter crack that has left 80% of people watching completely baffled?