Ayatollah Hermione

James Tarkowski is in line to be the first signing according to some paper. Would be a canny signing and clear improvement on the current crop while also weakening Burnley. That is far too sensible for us.

Can you get back to finding old batteries in the metal detector world instead?

Don’t think you could have picked a funnier haircut for the seat shitter to have

Bringing Keegan out next Sunday would get the place jumping

Can’t believe he hasn’t done it in his Spider-Man mask

Doesn’t Howe get massively homesick when he’s not down there? Sure he left Burnley sharpish for that reason

Danny B was the arsehole Spurs fan btw. Stevie’s week long arguments with him were something else

Ripping the signs off the East Stand roof like they're Saddam's statue

Have you lot forgot the fucking clip of the team at the minute like?

Really can’t see Conte since I imagine he has eyes on the Man U job but Gerrard would fit the bill for me. Young manager currently doing above and beyond what you’d expect, will be someone who will attract players and is a right arrogant cunt as well which, to be honest, is exactly what all our managers should be now

Open hand slap the pair of them

Coutinho will be the one, I reckon. Was linked last time and Barca are skint

Wish I liked his music more but can’t knock someone rocking up to BBC breakfast, stinking of drink and not giving a fuck about it

Fuck me, my head.

Premier League statement out, it’s done. Time to get rat arsed

I AM ERECT

Love how everyone is cryarsing that it’s not happening because an announcement that was never given a time hasn’t happened yet

I finish at 3 so I hope “imminent” means right around half 3

A certain Sky Sports Newcastle Correspondent may be telling people 10am…

I’m not really sure why we should shoulder the moral burden of it all, just because they’ve bought our club.

Certain to come today, it seems. Someone do a drink run for me while I’m at work

Might as well try for Kane

Nothing is an obstacle, we've got 320 billion kicking about.

Obviously, the manager is of importance but I'm fascinated about who they're going to get to oversee the scouting, academies, development and all of that gear. The Germans seem to be fucking class at it tbf so get that sorted.

Clement from Brugge too.