Ayatollah Hermione

Happy birthday, Alex. Hope you got some top of the drawer cowies for the occasion.

Pure nightmare fuel.

if she insists

Had probably the worst hangover of my life after a wedding last month where I had been knocking back red wine. Quickest I've ever been sick upon waking up eyes open, straight to the toilet. I had to get my mate to hang my suit and everything up for me since I was just a daft mess. Then, last week, I was mortal and sending stupid texts to this lass which made me feel like a right prick in the morning. So, aye, I'm knocking the mental drinking sessions on the head for my own sanity tbh. I put myself through physical and mental torture with it.

I was waiting to see how that sad bastard would make this about Sunderland.

It's not for me in the slightest. I'm sick to death of open world games anyway, at least the ones that are set up like this. Considering it's Ubisoft, I'd bet there's side missions where you have to get to a tower to reveal more of the map. I haven't seen it but I'm going to assume I'm right.

Played 20 minutes of this and can already tell I've made a grave mistake.

"engaging fan experience" Well, I suppose the dreadful fucking football isn't going to do it.

An ibiza party is where you come back having had a good time, then in 3 months, you get a text saying you're a dad. Have a good time.

I think you'd be surprised at the manager you could attract from abroad tbh, one that's had experience with your scouting and signings being sorted by a group of people, rather than individually. The only sticking point is how reluctant we are to do things like upgrade the academy and get some half-decent coaches in (but that could well be Pardew's preferred backroom staff and if so, fuck me) so that might hinder certain people from the get go. Another problem would be if he's any good, you'd probably lose him but with intelligent recruitment, that's not really a problem. Basically, you're hoping that Ashley goes against his track record of appointing his mates to key positions at the football club (though some have been better than others if Charnley is owt to go by) and gets a good, young manager in.

I had a hangover the other week where I felt that if I farted, I was going to ruin my undercrackers, jeans and socks but I didn't ring an ambulance. I just went straight to NHS Direct.

Wind They probably had to decommission that ambulance when you dropped your bait in it.

Have you considered a career in art?

I'd take proper advantage of the not talking to your lass thing, mind. Put an etch-a-sketch around your neck and write your meal orders and sexy patter on there and keep shoving it in her bracket.

Fell out with Pardew APPARENTLY. Which by my reckoning makes him the 100th player to do so. Wonder if he gets a prize.

He's definitely had a few battles with his keyboard.

Someone young, foreign with a clear attacking philosophy would do nicely. Pulis' six month at Palace has done wonders for him considering how stale his Stoke side was at the end and how much money he pissed up the wall on shite.

Call them PANANAS. That's far more exotic.

:lol: CT, I've had some dodgy sore throats in my time and have just made sure to stay hydrated. Seems to calm it down, somewhat. Of course, I am fucking nails so I just stay deathly silent for 6 hours and the pain learns its lesson and fucks off.

This is basically the start of his luck running out, I'd say. at Ewerk btw

why does that need the picture with it?

So, what's the crack with these photos? Is it the private collection of some swinging dick, star fucker or are our favourite Hollywood stars getting them out for a laugh?

My dad thought he was a French lad with a name pronounced "Dumb-ay" He thinks he's shit though, so sorry.

Good stuff, Stevie. Glad to hear it. If you don't touch drink until January 1st 2015, I'll buy your first ten pints of the year