Kitman

Do you think if my mam knits him a nice warm black and white scarf, it might just rescue our season?

Aha the club insider. aka Terry Venables perhaps.

I'm sure Jade, Gawd bless 'er, is delighted with how it all turned out. It's just what she wanted - non-stop attention, canonisation and front page on OK magazine. The dying thing is a bit of drawback given that it will curtail her future appearances but, hey, she's got the coverage that deep down she knew she deserved because, really, she's a special person and that needed to be recognised. Of course, if a mentally ill person drops their trousers on the bus and says "Hahar look at my boner!" nobody thinks that's worth a twenty page spread in OK magazine and big cheque. When a terminally loud mouthed racist charver indulges in the same sort of self centred attention seeking behaviour that 3 years old generally grow out of, we're all supposed to shed a tear. Do me a favour

El no o I think Que?

What's the Spanish for no?

The joke is I bet Ashley/Llambias reckon if only JFK comes back, we'll be OK. Personally I don't think it'll make any difference to us but could have serious implications for him. The best thing he could do is to call it a day and go and sit on a beach a long way away till the season's over. We need some massive luck and massive effort to get out of jail, the first comes from the Good Lord/Fate/Karma/Lady Luck and the second from the players. Joe effin' and blindin' in the dug out and giving himself a beetroot faced coronary won't change a thing imo.

I honestly think they were totally complacent about staying up (just like they were complacent about season ticket renewals). I picture Dennis Wise as Wormtongue from Lord of the Rings, cooing reassuringly in Ashley's ear as we drift down the table and the club decays. Otherwise I don't get how they could look at the crud that's been served up week after week since Keegan left and not expected to be where we are now. It's no surprise to me, and I'm sure it isn't for anybody who's followed us consistently. The only surprise is the faith shown to the current se-up which ignores all evidence to the contrary. I don't blame Hughton or Calderwood by the way, they may be decent coaches; it's the failure to replace the stopgap manager, even in the face of serious heart complaint, or to spend money in January that said to me the nitwits at the top have absolutely no clue how serious our predicament was/is. It may be dawning on them now but it's too late.

Don't rate the wig either.

Dodgy ticker. Since when has being an old cantakerous medically challenged know-nowt bastard been a drawback for us? I give you Souness, Kinnear and whichever other resident of the Sunnyside Football Managers Resthome cares to apply in future. In fact no application necessary, wee Dennis will hunt them out. Souness had a heart attack as well didn't he? Not sure, I think he had open heart surgery though which saved his life. And gave him the strength to destroy our football club. I assume the surgeon was a mackem.

My heartfelt tribute: So farewell then Jade Not oldie and not Goody I thank you.

The story is from a credible newspaper based on reports from credible sources. The accounts match the widely reported anecdotes of indiscriminate butchery of women and children on the ground at the time. But hats off to the international conspiracy of communists and anti-semites for doing such a thorough job on a respected British newspaper.

Bates, a more unlikeable chairman would be very hard to find. Face like a baboon's backside as well.

Dodgy ticker. Since when has being an old cantakerous medically challenged know-nowt bastard been a drawback for us? I give you Souness, Kinnear and whichever other resident of the Sunnyside Football Managers Resthome cares to apply in future. In fact no application necessary, wee Dennis will hunt them out.

As a whole we probably have a better idea of everything. FYP

Joe shouldn't come back for his own health and for the good of the club. This seems obvious to most people I think. The only thing that worries me is who'd they get in next......just when you think things can't get worse, they've risen magnificently to the challenge of fucking it up further. I might put a fiver on Howard Wilkinson....

I've long since accepted our fate. The Board's refusal to replace Kinnear tells me all I need to know about their grasp on reality. According to LLambias you only get relegated if you consider it's a possibility

He lives in Hamburg. Nobody would bat an eyelid. Parky's a hamburger? I can well believe it

Will you be transferring this to a placard and waving it at the good burghers of your local German town? Wild eyed and dishevelled, hair matted and beard uncombed, I give you 30 minutes of ranting that the end of the world is nigh before you're arrested. Of course if you wore trousers occasionally they might take your message more seriously

Much as it pains me I think a lot of that article is spot on and quite well written. I'd personally agree with the Keegan comment too unless someone can direct me to a time he has suceeded without money (barring his very early days as a manager here which is now irrelevant). I agree with you Renton, I thought there wasn't a lot in the article to disagree with

As Paul Merton once said, the Pope has a killer's eyes. Therefore you shouldn't trust a single thing he says, it's not motivated by goodness.

She looks like she's got the wrong flag on. Ask her for a number 47 if you find her. She looks like Lana Lang from Smallville, thats why I want her. Want her bad. For sex. I want to have sex with her. In case you did not get that. And here's how you'd look together

Taylor says "Blah blah blah......can't let the fans down.....blah blah.....not too good to go down....... blah blah.......long hard look at ourselves........blah blah........every match is like a cup final........blah blah....shouldn't be in this position......blah blah"

These gravy trainers never fail to state the obvious, do they? Being massively overweight is bad for you and could shorten your life? Who'd have thought? We should have a lengthy and expensive scientific study on that just to be sure......

Yes. Which usually involves ridiculous plot lines culminating in hardened criminals caving in and confessing everything when confronted with improbable evidence. In between lots of overacting and posturing from the heavily made up, and in some cases surgically enhanced, cast. All glossed over with flashy editing, close ups and lengthy and tedious procedures made to look like hey presto magic tricks. It's mint, basically.