Dazzler

I know there’s a cultural difference but I doubt we’d ever have seen fellas at a footie match hyperventilating over the spice girls. We’d have launched piss at them.

Only if you have a bonk on.

The poor cunts trying to warm up when there is a k-pop band miming next to them

Nice of them to whack a bit of half time Johnny Vaughn on to help us through the online safety act.

Is JLINGZ or whatever his name is on? He’s a star in Korea isn’t he?

Yet. As soon as Villa or Chelsea accept their cast offs then the gloves are off.

Hard to get Howe’d when your knee is held together by double sided sellotape tbf.

Was it a Best League XI last year that absolutely battered us? Only a Japanese version? Just trying to decide whether to have the match on as background noise or not to bother.

They’d only chaw the carpet. We’re not falling for that one again.

I haven’t got a sexist bone in my body, because my misogynist gay bender boyfriend (who is black btw so not a racist) is at pride directing traffic.

Except the UK government…

Something an extreme pornographer hears on the daily.

No ta to the player. Or no ta to offering an opinion because tbh it sounds like the same thing.

you made Elanga cry. I hope you’re proud of yourself.

Probably moving into a bigger house and we’re offering him £300k

When his Liverpool ken goes up they’ll have to photoshop off the RAT spray painted on his walls. Because the scousers love their players to live and die there.

I'd never make it that far. It barely gets passed my belly button normally.

They aren't taking my side. The fucking hoops I'm having to jump through for a cheeky tug in the bathroom is beyond a joke tbh

Rumours online that we have agreed personal terms with Sesko but we still need to agree a fee with the club. So, it's probably going to fall to bits shortly.

That was when your drug hymen was still in place. You still managed you drug kegel exercises. You've had a druggy blue waffle since the turn of the century. We've all noticed it, smelled it even and it's disgusting.

I think you stand to get your heart broken based on how our window has gone so far

A dining room chair wedged against the door handle, his chopper in the hoover. Then he remembers the door opens in and he gets caught giving it Paul Gallagher style to Henry.

Lucky bastard.