Dazzler

Bam Margera probably accused Johnny Knoxville of murdering Hulk Hogan.

Just start leaking to the press that Isak fucking loves stealing metal dustcaps and the scouse cunts will have a bid of £200m in the inbox by the end of the day.

Eales is sat in an empty office spewing into the bin wondering where his replacement is.

This would be honourable but you have to remember we were all there to see the grand debut of Xisco and his vital goal that saw us finish 18th instead of 19th.

Obviously, you mean Essex and/or Irish Journos.

Because they are geordie journos. Duh.

He’s about to be honoured by people who despised him yesterday singing his praises tonight.

Being alive? That doesn’t work for me, brother.

Selling Isak and replacing him with Wissa would be like pulling out of a supermodel halfway through and finishing yourself off in the bathroom. It's fine, but it's not the same.

They made Harry and Meghan Canadian too. Saddam Hussein as well. I think it's the thing that gives them plausible deniability from being sued. It's not you Mr president, our character is clearly Canadian

They've spent that already though, surely.

Fucking hell, how many hotels have they got?

I wonder if we'd racially abuse Isak's mam if that happened? Doubtful, we're not classy enough for racism.

Kolo Muani seems like a realistic replacement now.

Just wait until he signs for Real Madrid on a free in a few years. They’ll be so angry they’ll cut the brakes on his lambo. Hopefully, they get the right lambo next time.

We’re so shit scared of breaking rules we’d probably take £30m from a Saudi club.

We have £120m until we have £121m. Obviously.

FYP

At least we all have massive cocks on Cyberpunk, eh lads?

England will be available again in six months if Tuchel keeps shitting the bed.

RW is still an issue though. As is what defines a 28 year old.

It can, we'll be swimming in a bigger pool now. Or whatever shite metaphor we like to use.

Best of luck to you mate. I'm not on instagram so can't follow you, and I'd probably shit, piss and die if I think too hard about running 70+ miles.

He's a sporting director and it's hard to believe he'd have been any worse than the bald fraud who's caused all of this.

Be like the time you sold Kevin Phillips or something, eh?