acrossthepond

I heard it's because he's got satanic rituals scheduled for all of November's matchdays and a few fundraisers for Keane's doggy charity to appear at. Maybe after he's done doing keepy-ups with dead fetuses at the Sunderland abortion clinic he'll have time to see about taking the position so he can further ruin the club.

Do me a favour. Its what going to football is all about. If you want polite clapping and good behaviour go to the rugby, or better still down the emirates. Racism, homophobia, bitterness, ignorance? How could I have been missing out all this time?! I'm supporting the wrong club like. Thanks for enlightening me Danny...guess I'll head down to White Hart Lane and learn to be as passionate as your lot. ...I suppose the gas chamber hissing is ok too since it's "passionate local rivalry" and "what going to football is all about." Wouldn't want to be a "new fan."

Anorthosis beat Panathinaikos 3-1. Who saw this coming? They're joint top of the group. Admittedly they still must play Inter twice, but considering most said they wouldn't even get a point, credit has to go to Ketsbaia. Park Life,your assignment, should you choose to accept it...

Watch out marra, Fop'll be along shortly to check if you're circumcised. (I know I'm the one having a go now after criticising him for doing the same, and it's juvenile, but nevertheless.)

Source? I notice the lack of direct quotes. Again all we can do is ...or, if you prefer the PC version (just for Fop) abstractly hope without invoking any higher power for a series of beneficial coincidences and good chance that will lead to the occurrence of the desired event. But there's no smiley for that.

Mystic ATP - knew what this was going to say long before I opened it. I THINK HE'S A MACKEM LIKE.

It's alive! 14:45 ET AaB v Man Utd, Group E Aalborg Stadion 14:45 ET Villarreal v Celtic, Group E Estadio El Madrigal 14:45 ET Fiorentina v Steaua Bucuresti, Group F Artemio Franchi 14:45 ET Bayern Munich v Lyon, Group F Allianz-Arena 14:45 ET Arsenal v FC Porto, Group G Emirates Stadium 14:45 ET Fenerbahce v Dynamo Kiev, Group G Sukru Saracoglu 14:45 ET BATE Borisov v Juventus, Group H Horodskiy Stadium Man U, Villareal, draw, Lyon, Arse, Fener, Juve. Only match that's on here is (naturally) Man U, and I'm at work anyway.

You win a game (not even one that counts for anything!) and you're back on here trying to harp on about an attendance of "just" 45k? "Oh you only get more because your stadium's over our capacity." That's because you have a small stadium because you are a small club and you will be even smaller next season when you're taking 800 people to Barnsley. We've both got more problems than attendance at the moment you cross-eyed wanker, why don't you ask tactical genius Ramos what his next inexplicable move that costs you a game is rather than trying to come on here and stir the shit? I guarantee none of us are logging on to Spurs boards and trying to take the piss out of them. (We just stay here and do it.)

from Danny on this one I'm afraid. Not like we're never guilty of that. Next you'll be telling us Jenas is better than Gerrard, or something equally ridiculous.

Alright Danny? Yeah fine. You? Next two games Hull and Stoke, nothing out of those two and the panic button gets hit. In all honesty - and I'm not having a go at you or Spurs Danny - I'd be worried about Hull. They clearly mean business and I know it's early doors but they don't have the look of a team who plan to be fighting relegation (unlike us.) This season's Reading I think.

I could have a go at the fact you've won fuck all since the war but that would be too easy. I could have a go at the fact that your stupid fans believe that the only way you will have success is if Keegan is at the helm but that would be too easy. I could have a go about the fact you are going to be sold to some Nigerians but once again too easy. I would rather point out that the only thing that is supposed to be good about your club (the fans) is a fabrication. Danny? Is that you lad? You think if Levy and the rest of them spend another 70 million in January they might buy another two points?

For what it's worth, it looks like we'll not be bottom quite yet. Portsmouth beating Spurs 2-0, Gomes is a true clown keeper. Swapped one terrible English keeper for one terrible Brazilian keeper.

I've been saying this all along. We could do worse.

Game was on a delay here in the States, got done watching it about an hour ago. Geremi tries but he's just bad. Xisco is probably even more anonymous than Shola. I can't believe we've sunk so low as to have a nobody like him up front. I might've counted his touches all game on two hands. Duff actually beat people in the second half and looked alive. SHOCKING refereeing, among the worst all season. I know it sounds bitter to slag off the ref after every match but truly he was having a laugh. Obvious penalty when one of their players went up for a goddamn volleyball touch in the box, obvious second yellow for Nelsen for a late as hell tackle on N'Zogbia, I feel the Warnock tackle was a straight red as he was nowhere even vaguely close to the ball. Chops to both Given and N'Zogbia were cause for worry. If we lose either of them we'll be even further in the shit. This is bad lads. And Kinnear's on another match suspension, meaning we'll have to suffer through another game with Happy Hughton in charge. God help us.

I remember two years ago we had a similar situation. Us at home to Blackburn, poor regime (Then it was Roeder & Shepherd) and there began a debate on this board over whether you could be a real supporter and still wish your team to lose. I said yes then and I say it again now. I don't want us to lose, but I think we're going to and if we do I hope it's a thumping. Might awaken some people to reality, knock a few quid off Fat Mike's asking price, and expedite the takeover. He has to realise this ship really is sinking and that the value of his investment is dropping every match. So 0-3 Blackburn for me. Sell, sell, sell, Fat Mike!

Even worse shower than the Spurs game. You'll win 0-2 without expending much effort at all. I agree with whoever said 45k.

Get a grip you sad sack of shit. Do you really mean to tell us that when the rest of the nation thinks of Shearer, they think of Blackburn? Deluded. And Fat Sam's such a proper professional that he's still out of a job, like another proper professional with Blackburn experience by the name of Souness.

I'd have Keegan back in a heartbeat. He could've done it for us if he hadn't been undermined, and if the Nigerians (or whoever) are serious about backing him he could start the Kevolution up again and properly. It'd be a huge boost to the players as well I think. I know I view the world with Keegan-tinted specs but never was a better match made than NUFC and Kevin Keegan.

Glad we have someone. Come on you Nigerians - hurry up for God's sake. Dispense with this fat shite and his minions before he finally flushes us down the toilet once and for all.

"This in England so please correct it to spell English please." I'm going to need my monkey-to-English dictionary for that one. Is the irony lost on you? Do you even know what irony means?

Are you sure that is Louise Taylor or Acrossthepond, they look pretty similar to me. Isn't it you who talks about being 'obsessed' lad? At any rate, expect another piece - her drivel doesn't deserve the word 'article' - from the real mackem bint soon. No doubt it'll be about Terry Venables' awful record and some baby-killing in Nigeria.

Perfectly suited to Newcastle United then. Can we get him to wear a rainbow wig and a red nose?

I could've written this.

All right, I have a confession to make. Louise Taylor didn't write this article at all. I did. I didn't mean to deceive you, but I just wanted to see if my work could indeed pass for hers. I did this to demonstrate how pathetic and corrupted the sports journalism industry is. Any random joker (I at least have a degree, but it has nothing to do with journalism of any kind) could churn out the same kind of shite that these professionals write day in and day out for a no doubt considerable salary. Nobody has to know anything, or come up with any relevant facts, or know anything about the club in question. So who'd be a sports journalist? Any of us can. EDIT: The link above this post is hilarious too.